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Musings, ideas, what are you thinking about?

Suyon

paranoid poetry archive
That, and also a language we have forgotten how to speak.

I'm frequently labeled as "weird" or "standoffish" because I am able to pause without maintaining a constant stream of social chatter. Since "it's always the quiet ones who snap," I am usually nominated as "most likely to go postal," in new employment contexts by teammates. If they ask, I will promise to call them before work on a day I'm planning to show up with an assault rifle and a duffel bag filled with ammunition.

What's "awkward silence" to them is calming to me.
I find it curious how silence bothers those who need to fill it more than those who know how to stay in it. Have you always been like that or has it changed over time?
 
My first apple product that was connected to icloud was back in 2012 an ipod, my first iphone and ipad was in 2014…

just now i wanted to scroll back to the very first photo that i have… it’s from 2006 - of an old projector, and another from 2009 of an old house — how is that possible? i dont remember taking these photos.

the 2006 photo looks like it could be from college…
but i only started college in 2008.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
It's comforting to know that if I can't find a place to live, I can just stop the live part.
I know @seabird. Those are thoughts I have all the time. If it all gets too bad I have a button I can press. I hope you find a place to live, I believe you will. And maybe it will be a good place.

Also sorry that you saw a dead human 🫣🥺 I hope you are OK after that experience.
 

seabird

meandering home
SF Supporter
The thoughts come and go. I hope for myself and you and everyone on Sf that we find ways past these thoughts. Thank you @AvidFan .

I'm okay but, it's not something I'll ever be able to erase from the memory banks. All their stories, gone, and their remains encased in the black bag on a gurney on a summer afternoon. It could be anyone, me, perhaps it's good that not a thing matters any more, for them.
 

Lisa the Ferrociraptor

I'm all things, and so are you
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Because you are grieving and we hold on to little things like that. Different thing, but when my dad went into hospital I took his shoes home with me. He died later that week. I held on to those shoes for a very long time. Do whatever you need to grieve, if you need to hold on to something a little while, it's OK.
I just want to second this.
It's been 21 years, and i still eat the same way my mother used to.
We do strange things to honour those we lost.
But their strangeness doesn't stop them being meaningful.
 

LumberJack

Huggy Bear 🐻
SF Supporter
I find it curious how silence bothers those who need to fill it more than those who know how to stay in it. Have you always been like that or has it changed over time?
Both, tbh. When younger I was a shy kid who gravitated to animals more than adults. I remember being pretty young when I had the thought that I needed to meditate. At the time I didn’t know there was a technique to it, lol.

Through difficult childhood experiences I eventually found myself in a state of freeze. This made me quiet because I learned from experience that if I am quiet I have less violence directed at me.

When I was on my own, I was hurting even worse then compared to now. Through therapy I found out that I could get meditation instruction, and even some places for public sitting. From there and through continual work in therapy I was able to find some stability inside, which is self sustaining. I keep doing it because I hurt less the more I do it. This is why I’m quiet with strangers now.

I am willing to engage and I am more outgoing than I was. However, if there’s nothing of value to say, then I prefer silence. With my partner, we could simply sit with each other, fully engaged mutually, but not needing to talk about it. I learned that it can be healing to sit together in silence.

There are nonverbal forms of communication and sometimes the most intimate moments are when we paid silent attention to each other.
 

Witty_Sarcasm

🦄🦜🧁Rainbow Unicorn (Deluxe Edition) ®🌈🌝💖
SF Supporter
My mom was talking to my sister on the phone, and my sister asked her if I had my headphones on. I know she does that so she can talk shit about me and she thinks I won't hear her. Apparently she thinks I'm too old to go on rides at the fair. I didn't realize there was an age limit for rides now?
 

cev77

SF Supporter
My mom was talking to my sister on the phone, and my sister asked her if I had my headphones on. I know she does that so she can talk shit about me and she thinks I won't hear her. Apparently she thinks I'm too old to go on rides at the fair. I didn't realize there was an age limit for rides now?
That sounds frustrating! I don’t think there is an age limit for rides. If it makes you happy go for it.
 

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