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My friends made me extremely upset

BlueKoala

Well-Known Member
#1
Hey, everyone. Sorry, but this one is kinda long... I just want to explain everything in detail.
So for the past 3 days I’ve been really upset... 2/3 people in my friend group made me breakdown into tears and the other made me nearly break down (the latter had made me feel worse at the end of the school day, so it was less hard to cry). The first one... let’s call him “Sam”. I had said something about my parents being a little overprotective about me (you know...nothing to worry about about, stuff like them calling me more often when I’m out than other parents would, etc.) and he responded with saying something really vulgar (like... “screw your parents” but more vulgar), and I got really upset. I mean, it’s one thing to insult me, but any one close to me? Especially my family? I got mad and said to watch what he says and to never say that kind of things again. He apologized quickly and we didn’t talk about that again... but it felt a pretty bitter taste in my mouth. I broke down in my next class, which happened to be right after lunch when I talked to him. It was 15 minutes into class... gosh, I feel so embarrassed and pathetic for crying in public... the teacher (she’s very kind) asked if I needed to go to the office and go to the bathroom/take a drink of water. I told her I’ll go if I feel worse... and I did. So, to put it into perspective, my classes last 40 minutes (or somewhere around that time) and I had the breakdown for... what? 40 minutes? I missed a whole class worth of time... but when I came back into my next class, the teacher didn’t seem mad or anything.
Well, that’s the first incident only... the second one involves another one of my friends, let’s call him “Jake.” Now, Jake was kind of mean to me. It’s not like he doesn’t care about me (he does), but he’s kind of... a jerk. He’s also blunt about his ideas a lot of the time, and is impulsive. He doesn’t think before he speaks a lot. I don’t mean to be mean or judge him, but that’s really just the way he is, even though he is nice to his friends (to an extent). Well, he always calls me an “a*******” (sorry, I don’t like swearing) and that I’m just to least mean one in our friend group. When he said that, I got upset (because I try to be as kind as I can be with everyone) but I didn’t say anything. I still haven’t told him that it upset me, so maybe I should tell him. He also says stuff like “you’re not a good person, you’re just not the worst.” And that’s... pretty harsh, honestly. I mean, I guess he is right, but I don’t think saying that...is okay? And to your friend...? I says he cares a lot about me, and even said he likes me! (Which, thinking back on it, I’m sure he doesn’t). There was a time too where I wanted to just say “My mom kind of upset me today” (I just said that because the whole entire weekend a lot of unfortunate circumstance happened, many of which were my fault, but many of which weren’t) and he snorted and said “Yeah, you don’t have it as bad as me.” I mean, yeah, I honestly didn’t have it as bad as him, but I always listen to his problems! And when I share mine, he just discards them to the side? It’s not like I even broke down and told him about all of my problems...! I’m the type of person that doesn’t share my feelings (negative feelings) and I don’t talk about my problems with anyone (even with my parents, and we are extremely close). He shares his problems with me! I hear him out all the time, and give him support and comfort and advice. Sorry if I’m coming off as angry, I’m just really upset and getting a little teared up writing this, sorry. It’s just... he discarded my feelings to the side that I was left speechless. I told him that it’s not okay to just say that, especially since I understood he had it worse than me. But gave me a quick “sorry” and changed the topic. I felt really upset after that, too.
I have big self esteem issues (although they’ve gotten better now) and honestly, Jake hurts me a lot (emotionally). I’m scared that what he is saying is true, and I guess I just need support that I’m not a horrible person... because I’m mad, sad, and scared that I’m horrible. And Sam... I just wanted to give you all background on just how upset I am.
Anyway, sorry. I know it’s long, but I wanted to explain everything in detail. Thank you for reading this!!
 
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Rasmus

Well-Known Member
#2
Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your break down. I hope you are doing better now. I don't think you are a horrible person. I don't think other people believe that either. I can say you are really kind and gentle.
 

BlueKoala

Well-Known Member
#3
Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your break down. I hope you are doing better now. I don't think you are a horrible person. I don't think other people believe that either. I can say you are really kind and gentle.
Thank you. :) I really needed that... I couldn’t tell my parents because, you know, they’d get mad. But thank you! :)
 

JDot

Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
That's terrible he invalidated your feelings like that. You deserve to be treated better. It's understandable to be upset after all that. I hope you get to feeling better. *hug10
 

Inanimate

Well-Known Member
#7
He also says stuff like “you’re not a good person, you’re just not the worst.”
Even if your friend(?) believes that, I don’t understand why he felt it necessary to express that. What prompts him to needlessly voice these demeaning opinions? Furthermore, these random, derogatory remarks that you’ve mentioned have consistently been under the guise of a compliment.
Well, he always calls me an “a*******”
Does he call you this in jest?
I says he cares a lot about me, and even said he likes me! (Which, thinking back on it, I’m sure he doesn’t).
I would hold on to that skepticism, honestly. His simply claiming that he cares a lot about you while his actions persist in contradicting his words isn’t giving me a compelling reason to trust his intentions, let alone like this guy.

You could argue that I don’t know him, of course, and you’d be right. I’m only inferring from your post. Unless these underhanded remarks of his are isolated incidents, which I doubt considering the nature of your post, you might find it inevitable to ask yourself what you’re getting out of this friendship.
 

BlueKoala

Well-Known Member
#8
Even if your friend(?) believes that, I don’t understand why he felt it necessary to express that. What prompts him to needlessly voice these demeaning opinions? Furthermore, these random, derogatory remarks that you’ve mentioned have consistently been under the guise of a compliment.

Does he call you this in jest?

I would hold on to that skepticism, honestly. His simply claiming that he cares a lot about you while his actions persist in contradicting his words isn’t giving me a compelling reason to trust his intentions, let alone like this guy.

You could argue that I don’t know him, of course, and you’d be right. I’m only inferring from your post. Unless these underhanded remarks of his are isolated incidents, which I doubt considering the nature of your post, you might find it inevitable to ask yourself what you’re getting out of this friendship.
Thank you for reading my post. Yes, I’ve been reconsidering being “friends” with him, and to respond to the “a******” part, he says it not in a serious way, but not in a quite joking way, either. He said that, for example, when I made a sarcastic comment on one of my OWN old drawings, and he called me that. He wasn’t joking, but he wasn’t serious... I still can’t put my finger on it, I think it was something in between? I’m not sure, but he consistently insults me (most of the time it’s vulgar yet “jokingly”) and many times it’s passive aggressive jokingly. I’m not even sure why he insults me like that honestly, and I asked him to explain what it is that makes him think I’m all of these insults (several times), yet he just says “because” and “because that’s just how you are” (without explaining even once to me, ever). I think I might stop being “friends” with him.
Thanks for reading my post and posting your thoughts on it! I really appreciate it! :)
 

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