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no reason to live

auburnfrog

Well-Known Member
#1
Is there ever such thing as a 'reason to live'? At least I don't have one. There is nothing in my life to look forward to - even if there is, I don't want to hold onto something as uncertain as the future because it's only going to give me false hope and disappoint me.

I try to think about the people I love, but in the end I have to give in to my selfishness, discard them from the picture and can only focus on how I really crave to die. And of course, depression has left me devoid of interests. So I don't have anything I like to do enough to live for.

It's all just pointless. Recovery for me is impossible due to many, many reasons. The only thing holding me back is my own survival instincts, that I always get scared when I'm attempting to act on my suicide plan.

I'd love if anyone could give me advice, or simply an encouragement...
 

Nick

☆☆Still Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#2
Everyone has their own reason for living. There isn't one universal reason out there. Some people live to see the next sunset, the taste of their favorite food, a pet they adore, a family member, a friend, a job, an interest or any number of things. Some people don't know why they keep on moving forward, they just do. They don't have a particular reason, but other than maybe a goal or a hope for something in the future. Some live for fear of dying. It's really a personal thing.

My reasons are for my cat Calypso (aka princess fluff fluffs) who needs me and my friend who would be upset if something happened to me. My friend has hurt enough in his life. I don't really need to go adding to do that, so here I am.

I don't know your story, and I won't say everything is going to work out. I'm just not into all that. I will say that there are countless recovery options out there and I'd gladly discuss what you've tried and why it didn't work to see if maybe there is something.
 

Reaver

Well-Known Member
#3
Finding new interests or going back to old ones is what I do. Anything to distract myself and keep me from thinking about questions like these. I live purely for the sake of others. I'm certainly not living for myself.
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
Hi @auburnfrog

I think you have to find a reason to continue living if that makes you feel better, or your reason for living will fall out of pure destiny, do you have any great hobbies or passions? I agree with reaver, keeping yourself busy with things you like doing are what's keeping you here and will continue to and I hope you do find that reason you long for. Life can be what we make of it, none of us are perfect, no-one is, so strive for happy never perfection. I'm sorry you feel recovery is impossible, would you like to share those reasons with us as to why its impossible? Lets make the impossible, slightly or even more possible. *hug
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#5
Is there ever such thing as a 'reason to live'? At least I don't have one. There is nothing in my life to look forward to - even if there is, I don't want to hold onto something as uncertain as the future because it's only going to give me false hope and disappoint me.

I try to think about the people I love, but in the end I have to give in to my selfishness, discard them from the picture and can only focus on how I really crave to die. And of course, depression has left me devoid of interests. So I don't have anything I like to do enough to live for.

It's all just pointless. Recovery for me is impossible due to many, many reasons. The only thing holding me back is my own survival instincts, that I always get scared when I'm attempting to act on my suicide plan.

I'd love if anyone could give me advice, or simply an encouragement...
I'm sorry that you're feeling like this. I can relate. It often feels like there is no point in going on. I can also relate to the fear of going through with ending your pain. I suppose another way to look at it is that it's not so much survival instincts as it may be a desire to keep moving forward. I know for me, I am hurting and just feel so fed up with so much stuff, but there are things I desire to do still. Sometimes it's something major like overcoming my fear of driving and other times small stuff, like finally getting around to watching the complete Speed Racer series.

I know that it isn't easy when you are in pain, but I would like to believe that there are some things deep down that you have a desire to do. I'm sorry if this hasn't been very encouraging but know that you are not alone in this.
 

auburnfrog

Well-Known Member
#6
Everyone has their own reason for living. There isn't one universal reason out there. Some people live to see the next sunset, the taste of their favorite food, a pet they adore, a family member, a friend, a job, an interest or any number of things. Some people don't know why they keep on moving forward, they just do. They don't have a particular reason, but other than maybe a goal or a hope for something in the future. Some live for fear of dying. It's really a personal thing.

My reasons are for my cat Calypso (aka princess fluff fluffs) who needs me and my friend who would be upset if something happened to me. My friend has hurt enough in his life. I don't really need to go adding to do that, so here I am.

I don't know your story, and I won't say everything is going to work out. I'm just not into all that. I will say that there are countless recovery options out there and I'd gladly discuss what you've tried and why it didn't work to see if maybe there is something.
Hi, Thank you for your reply, and thank you for your willingness to discuss things with me :). The reason why I said recovery isn’t possible for me is because, in short (and aside from technical issues like financial instability and lack to time & energy), there really isn’t anyone around me that can and/or will help me. I learned this the hard way, unfortunately. Meanwhile I feel like I’m too exhausted to help myself, alone without anyone backing me up...
 

auburnfrog

Well-Known Member
#7
Hi @auburnfrog

I think you have to find a reason to continue living if that makes you feel better, or your reason for living will fall out of pure destiny, do you have any great hobbies or passions? I agree with reaver, keeping yourself busy with things you like doing are what's keeping you here and will continue to and I hope you do find that reason you long for. Life can be what we make of it, none of us are perfect, no-one is, so strive for happy never perfection. I'm sorry you feel recovery is impossible, would you like to share those reasons with us as to why its impossible? Lets make the impossible, slightly or even more possible. *hug
Hello, thanks for being so compassionate :) I’m currently trying to look for something fun to do as a distraction, so cheer on me~

As I replied to Nick above, the reason why I said/feel that recovery is impossible for me, is because I have no one around (in real life) that can/will help me (learned this the hard way through experience :(), and I feel so tired to help myself alone,,
 

auburnfrog

Well-Known Member
#8
I'm sorry that you're feeling like this. I can relate. It often feels like there is no point in going on. I can also relate to the fear of going through with ending your pain. I suppose another way to look at it is that it's not so much survival instincts as it may be a desire to keep moving forward. I know for me, I am hurting and just feel so fed up with so much stuff, but there are things I desire to do still. Sometimes it's something major like overcoming my fear of driving and other times small stuff, like finally getting around to watching the complete Speed Racer series.

I know that it isn't easy when you are in pain, but I would like to believe that there are some things deep down that you have a desire to do. I'm sorry if this hasn't been very encouraging but know that you are not alone in this.
Thank you, and don’t worry, this is very inspiring and encouraging :)
 

auburnfrog

Well-Known Member
#9
Finding new interests or going back to old ones is what I do. Anything to distract myself and keep me from thinking about questions like these. I live purely for the sake of others. I'm certainly not living for myself.
Thanks, Reaver~ I’m trying to find something fun to do/think of to distract myself~
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#10
Hello, thanks for being so compassionate :) I’m currently trying to look for something fun to do as a distraction, so cheer on me~

As I replied to Nick above, the reason why I said/feel that recovery is impossible for me, is because I have no one around (in real life) that can/will help me (learned this the hard way through experience :(), and I feel so tired to help myself alone,,
No problem at all and its not shameful to need the help of others, we all need a hand sometimes, I'm sorry you've had bad past experiences but I hope one day that you will have someone in your life willing to help. It can happen so not totally impossible for the future.

As for distractions, how about volunteering for a cause you care about, travelling, joining a gym and get physically healthy and strong or try mindfulness colouring books, reading e-books or listening to podcasts. So many choices, I hope you find something you like to relieve the tension, stress and enjoy living again :)
 

Reaver

Well-Known Member
#11
Thanks, Reaver~ I’m trying to find something fun to do/think of to distract myself~
I hope you do manage to find something. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be as stable as I am now if I didn't have things to occupy myself with. There are a couple things I can pretty much always enjoy as well, so even when I lose interest in/the motivation to do certain things, I have those things I can fall back on.
 

Nick

☆☆Still Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#12
Hi, Thank you for your reply, and thank you for your willingness to discuss things with me :). The reason why I said recovery isn’t possible for me is because, in short (and aside from technical issues like financial instability and lack to time & energy), there really isn’t anyone around me that can and/or will help me. I learned this the hard way, unfortunately. Meanwhile I feel like I’m too exhausted to help myself, alone without anyone backing me up...
I get that, I really do. I've been there myself. I'd entirely given up. I know people here are willing to support you. I realize it's not the same as someone in person. It's where I started. I'm also with you on the financial piece of things. It's exhausting and I'm not trying to push you to do anything. If you aren't ready or into it, than that's okay. If you want to brainstorm some options, I'm game. It's totally up to you. No pressure at all. I won't think any differently of you either way. I get being at a point where you just need to be for awhile and not try to find the solution for a minute.
 
#13
Is there ever such thing as a 'reason to live'? At least I don't have one. There is nothing in my life to look forward to - even if there is, I don't want to hold onto something as uncertain as the future because it's only going to give me false hope and disappoint me.

I try to think about the people I love, but in the end I have to give in to my selfishness, discard them from the picture and can only focus on how I really crave to die. And of course, depression has left me devoid of interests. So I don't have anything I like to do enough to live for.

It's all just pointless. Recovery for me is impossible due to many, many reasons. The only thing holding me back is my own survival instincts, that I always get scared when I'm attempting to act on my suicide plan.

I'd love if anyone could give me advice, or simply an encouragement...
hey, I know you can't imagine anything to look forward to right now, and that's totally understandable, but there WILL be things to look forward to. Things you haven't even thought of. If you can imagine how many bad things could happen in the future, imagine equally how many good things could happen! I get that it's not easy to believe that though as I've been severely depressed and suicidal multiple times in my life and know how it feels to not believe in the future/be scared of it. But things happened that I never even imagined would happen, even things that might seem small to others were a huge deal to me and I'm glad I stayed alive to be able to experience them. I had to really retrain my brain though which was hard work but is possible- you need to try to remember the logic- nobody knows what will happen in the future, and yes bad things can happen, but just because they can, doesn't mean they will, and there is just as much chance of good things happening in the future as there are bad things.

I know it's hard to hold on in the meantime though, I've been there many times myself, including right now. Whatever helps you get through each day, hold on to that. You might find something you enjoy enough to live for, there are so many things to try, you never know. Try to stay open-minded ♥ I know that's very hard with depression though.

Nothing is impossible. Miracles happen. Things can turn around. Things can surprise you. Things can get easier. Each day small decisions we make can make the world of difference and lead to bigger positive changes without us even realizing it. Keep trying, keep fighting, you deserve to see the future and be happy *hug
 

auburnfrog

Well-Known Member
#14
hey, I know you can't imagine anything to look forward to right now, and that's totally understandable, but there WILL be things to look forward to. Things you haven't even thought of. If you can imagine how many bad things could happen in the future, imagine equally how many good things could happen! I get that it's not easy to believe that though as I've been severely depressed and suicidal multiple times in my life and know how it feels to not believe in the future/be scared of it. But things happened that I never even imagined would happen, even things that might seem small to others were a huge deal to me and I'm glad I stayed alive to be able to experience them. I had to really retrain my brain though which was hard work but is possible- you need to try to remember the logic- nobody knows what will happen in the future, and yes bad things can happen, but just because they can, doesn't mean they will, and there is just as much chance of good things happening in the future as there are bad things.

I know it's hard to hold on in the meantime though, I've been there many times myself, including right now. Whatever helps you get through each day, hold on to that. You might find something you enjoy enough to live for, there are so many things to try, you never know. Try to stay open-minded ♥ I know that's very hard with depression though.

Nothing is impossible. Miracles happen. Things can turn around. Things can surprise you. Things can get easier. Each day small decisions we make can make the world of difference and lead to bigger positive changes without us even realizing it. Keep trying, keep fighting, you deserve to see the future and be happy *hug
Oh, thank you so much. This is very encouraging, thank you. :D
 

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