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I feel constantly sad or angry or somewhere in between the two. I don't know why I feel so shitty. I'm crying as I write this now. I'm frustrated as hell with work and just where I am in life right now. Work sucks, I'm only staying with this job to get the licenses I went to school for. So I keep telling myself just do it to save up money and get your qualifications. Only a little over a year left. But then I panic about how it already feels like I've been there for 5 years when it's only been about one and a half. I think about everything that has happened there over the past 3 or 4 months and go, "Fuck! A year and a half left of THAT!" It's so obvious and blatant that the men get treated better there (all of the women see it and talk about it) and no one can say anything about it to any man and be treated seriously. It is blatant fucking sexism and to make it worse for me I am one of the few minorities there.

I hate going to work every day. It has gotten to the point where I consider getting high before going. I never do because I'd have a panic attack trying to be normal but when I'm there I just want to cry all day. The only thing that keeps me going is listening to music and watching the clock get closer to the time I can leave. It sucks to feel stuck in a place that treats you like shit. I feel like I'm betraying myself or something.

Outside of work I am in a lonely or depressive mood. I've been trying my best to stay on top of exercise and healthy eating. I slip up here and there with both but for the most part I am consistent. I don't keep alcohol in the house anymore to stop me from drinking all night and I have been doing well with not smoking. I haven't had a cigarette in maybe a week. Trust me, a week to a habitual smoker is an eternity. I am just in a shitty mood! All the time. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I feel isolated and work and going home to be alone and expending all of my energy trying to deflect negative thoughts exacerbates those feelings. It also causes anxiety and is exhausting and both of those have my sleep pattern a bit off. I am constantly exhausted and just wish I could pause time so I could catch my breath.

Sassy the Wonderful Cat

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Hugs yes work can suck I definitely hate my job right now. But good for you for trying to avoid drinking and smoking I know its not easy but you can do it hugs. Just be grateful that you have an end date in site for your job. I think I will be here forever lol.
Hearing some very familiar feelings in that post. Have you been to a doctor about this? Does your workplace have a counselling program or anything? Have you tried talking it through with HR? Regardless of how you choose to deal with it, remember that you're the one in control. Don't let a few ignorant people take your professional life away from you.


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Thanks for reading that rant and your replies every one. I really appreciate it. @sassy123 I'm definitely using that as a mantra these days. @Claire_from_Canada there's no counseling program at my job at HR is just as corrupt as everyone unfortunately. It's just a big organization so everyone is tightly knit and everything happens because of someone's actions. Thanks for what you said about letting ignorant people ruin my professional life. Guess I should use it as training, ha. Hugs every one.
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