Part of me wants to try reaching out to one of the college's counselors. Again, though, I don't know how their counseling services work—if I have to see someone in person, or if they can communicate through email and I can reply when I'm able. But the first week of school honestly broke the foundation I have so carefully and painstakingly been working on building for myself.
I clearly don't have much of a support system at home aside from my sister, and even she sometimes seems to think I'm being ridiculous because I take so long to read. I think what gets to me the most is how much I feel like my entire brain has changed over the years and not for the better. I feel pretty incompetent and incapable of doing even basic things, including taking care of myself and understanding things that seem simple to everyone else. It's like my comprehension has completely tanked over the years.
I've been isolated for a long time (aside from having to stay at mom's until I can get my money and fix my place) but, I don't have friends here, and my past trauma hasn't exactly made it easy for me to form friendships either. I actually prefer being on my own because it's easier, and I feel more at ease and peaceful when I'm alone. Being able to be alone is a good thing, but being able to handle company and connect with other people is necessary too.
Humans are social creatures by design. It's kind of like flamingos—you take one away from the group and they can suffer on their own.
I feel like my brain is on an entirely different wavelength compared to everyone else on this earth. I feel like no one understands me, and no matter how hard I try to express myself clearly, I just sound like I'm speaking some extraterrestrial language that makes no sense to anyone else.
I feel light-years away from every other star in the galaxy, and I'm just some black hole.