Hey everyone Hopefully I won't delete this thread before posting it. I suppose it's part of my problem with talking about myself in general, but one thing I struggle with in particular is... uhm... praising myself. Urgh. Talking about accomplishments, about positive results, about things I'm good at, about my qualities. I wish I could go my entire life without ever mentioning any of those. It would be very beneficial for me, but some of these "secrets" I will actually take to my grave with me, while they are things that people tell about all the time, especially to family and friends.
Praising myself makes me feel very uncomfortable, it makes me feel like I'm making the other person uncomfortable or bad about themselves (no matter who they are), and I feel the urge to justify myself, to diminish the importance of said "accomplishment". "Yeah, I did this... but...", "Yeah, I'm decent at this... but...", "I know it sounds great, but actually...". After I've convinced the other person that there's really nothing to be impressed by (and I do believe that), my strategy is to turn the conversation onto the other person, to praise them, to compliment them. Finally relieved.
In situations where I can't do that (like the worst of the worst... an interview), I only try to state neutral facts, but it is very obvious I don't believe in what I say, and that I'd like to move on as quickly as possible and stop talking about myself as if I were greater than anyone else. My voice does the job for me, I am incapable of sounding more confident than I actually feel, otherwise I get way too nervous for "lying". So once I said the bare minimum, I shut up.
Of course the core of the issue is a poor self-esteem, an Impostor Syndrome, and this perfectionism bullsh*t. I don't think I need to hear other people praise/compliment me, it happens more than enough and it doesn't make me believe in it much more. Actually it makes me feel uncomfortable too because I don't feel like it's justified, even if I try to shut up about it.
I am absolutely amazed by people able to talk about themselves in a positive light, I think it's wonderful and impressive.
If you have any thoughts, or advice, or you relate...
This thread sounds wrong. Please do not think that I have so many "accomplishments" to talk about anyway.
Praising myself makes me feel very uncomfortable, it makes me feel like I'm making the other person uncomfortable or bad about themselves (no matter who they are), and I feel the urge to justify myself, to diminish the importance of said "accomplishment". "Yeah, I did this... but...", "Yeah, I'm decent at this... but...", "I know it sounds great, but actually...". After I've convinced the other person that there's really nothing to be impressed by (and I do believe that), my strategy is to turn the conversation onto the other person, to praise them, to compliment them. Finally relieved.
In situations where I can't do that (like the worst of the worst... an interview), I only try to state neutral facts, but it is very obvious I don't believe in what I say, and that I'd like to move on as quickly as possible and stop talking about myself as if I were greater than anyone else. My voice does the job for me, I am incapable of sounding more confident than I actually feel, otherwise I get way too nervous for "lying". So once I said the bare minimum, I shut up.
Of course the core of the issue is a poor self-esteem, an Impostor Syndrome, and this perfectionism bullsh*t. I don't think I need to hear other people praise/compliment me, it happens more than enough and it doesn't make me believe in it much more. Actually it makes me feel uncomfortable too because I don't feel like it's justified, even if I try to shut up about it.
I am absolutely amazed by people able to talk about themselves in a positive light, I think it's wonderful and impressive.
If you have any thoughts, or advice, or you relate...
This thread sounds wrong. Please do not think that I have so many "accomplishments" to talk about anyway.