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Psychosis Support Thread

Butterfly

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#1
Seeing how popular the BPD support thread is, I though I'd start one for psychosis. Psychosis is not specific to one type of illness, it spans across many illnesses. Also, anyone who suffers with intrusive thoughts or pseudo hallucinations are welcome to post in this thread.

So when did your psychosis start and what is your diagnosis?

I had my first psychotic experience in 2011 when I was 20. My psychosis has got worse over the years as has my level of function. I am now diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder.
 

Rain416

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#2
I'm sorry to hear you are going through this, it can be very rough. My psychosis started sometime last year, my memory of that period is pretty foggy now. When I had mentioned things that had been going on with my to my psychologist, he told me I went through and was still going through a period of psychosis. I am not sure of the diagnosis connected to it, beyond that. It took a while to get out of it, but therapy helped. I still worry about it coming back but presently, I am free of it.
 

Butterfly

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#3
I'm sorry to hear you are going through this, it can be very rough. My psychosis started sometime last year, my memory of that period is pretty foggy now. When I had mentioned things that had been going on with my to my psychologist, he told me I went through and was still going through a period of psychosis. I am not sure of the diagnosis connected to it, beyond that. It took a while to get out of it, but therapy helped. I still worry about it coming back but presently, I am free of it.
I'm so glad that you are now psychosis. It's so horrible because you believe everything that is happening to you is real.
 

Butterfly

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#4
Does anyone have any good coping strategies? I'm trying to find things that help. So far I mostly listen to music, play puzzle games and do some deep breathing. It doesn't get rid of the voices but it does dampen them.
 

Citizen Insane

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@Butterfly I have experienced a psychosis twice, both lasted for 6 months each, back in 2007 and 2010 - I became and still am on very high alert when it comes to any thought entering my mind. This has to do with trauma experienced during the psychotic episodes. When a thought enters my mind I still don't know if the thought is related to psychosis or not. I became somewhat paranoid to myself and my own mind which led to severe OCD years later. I'm glad I finally have medication that works as well as it could in my opinion, but I will have to use this medication till the end of my life.

I do find it somewhat logical that I got psychotic in the end, because of how I grew up with anxiety issues, among other things.

The way my psychosis ruined my life is that I can't study or work ever again in my life. Tried it last year with volunteering and studying, the year before and most of the years after 2010. I can't even focus on one activity without losing my sanity, or so it feels at times.

It has mostly ruined any emotional experience I have, the trauma it left behind came with depersonalization / derealization as well - numbing my emotions severely. I will always have a vulnerability when it comes to addiction. If I start gaming or eating bad food or something similar I'm sure that I won't be able to stop that activity easily which will affect my lifestyle and other things. I still play videogames, just to escape at times - as it does stop my OCD thoughts.

I will most likely not have a romantic relationship, but I'm happy with the friendships I do have right now (2 good friends, 1 acquintance).

Life is kind of uneventful at times too. Kinda boring, but I prefer boring than having to experience delusional thoughts, which were quite severe at the time, made me lose contact with reality even more.

It's a quiet life from here on out, as it has been the past few years.
 

Butterfly

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#7
@Citizen Insane thanks for posting.

I feel that psychosis has ruined my level of basic functioning. I don't know if I will work ever again. I guess once I'm out of hospital I need to rehab myself and find other things to fulfill my life. Is that how you get by?
 

Citizen Insane

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#8
hey @Butterfly - I'm also in the process of reworking myself as much as I can. I don't enjoy the activities that I currently do these days - I moved out last year in November. *yes

It does cost a lot of energy (the move out), I assume for you as well, after you get out of the hospital. I do try to get by - some days I can have these micro-relapses, but they're not as bad as they used to be.

Let's say a relapse in the past used to look like: Isolating in room, 24/7 for weeks, not taking care of hygiene and doing tasks such as the dishes, laundry. Gaming too much etc.

In the present day it doesn't last for weeks, more like a couple days and I manage to ask my psychiatrist/psychologist for help through e-mail if a severe issue comes up.
I'm glad I have medication that works now versus the symptoms and not have big side effects.

To get back on the topic of psychosis, I never heard voices myself - I mostly had very powerful (as in very often present) delusional thoughts, which I was fighting at the time because it scared me. *hiding Mostly severe thoughts about fearing becoming homeless myself and wanting to save those who are homeless in the present day - I thought could save the world. *thumbsdown

Overall with psychosis the thing I disliked the most was the constant anxiety (feelings of paranoia too at times). And the constant thinking, I couldn't focus at all anymore. I'll get back to you on this subject in this thread.
 

Butterfly

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#9
Thanks for sharing @Citizen Insane

I've had depressions before and gone back to functioning normally but I'm experiencing negative symptoms like lack of self care. I dont shower until I'm told eat unless I'm told to etc. I have to learn all that again. It's weird what the brain does. I feel like a completely different person than the happy go lucky nurse I was a few years ago.
 

Dwight

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#10
This is amazing, ya'll. Butterfly, you say you were a nurse, so this began affecting you after adulthood, obviously. May I ask how you were initially diagnosed & who you leaned on to get the help you needed? I don't think I've ever fully experienced psychosis, but I have experienced some mighty weird periods of months that I seem to have "lost". The only diagnosis I ever got was bipolar though.
Citizen Insane, I feel for you too. I am often troubled by the number of homeless folks out there, and have been right on the edge myself in the past. I want to help them all, but obviously can't. I volunteer at Room in the Inn at church when I can, but feel extremely inadequate with that.
 

Butterfly

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#11
This is amazing, ya'll. Butterfly, you say you were a nurse, so this began affecting you after adulthood, obviously. May I ask how you were initially diagnosed & who you leaned on to get the help you needed? I don't think I've ever fully experienced psychosis, but I have experienced some mighty weird periods of months that I seem to have "lost". The only diagnosis I ever got was bipolar though.
Citizen Insane, I feel for you too. I am often troubled by the number of homeless folks out there, and have been right on the edge myself in the past. I want to help them all, but obviously can't. I volunteer at Room in the Inn at church when I can, but feel extremely inadequate with that.
I have struggled with my mental health since I was 13. Diagnosed with depression at 15 after an overdose and had therapy. Things settled down for a while until I was about 20 where I suffered from multiple depressions with hypomania. Diagnosed with bipolar 2 at 24 in 2014. I had been a qualified nurse for 3 years by then. I have heard voices on and off over the years but nothing unmanageable. I was hospitalised in 2016 for 3 months with severe depression. Life has been stressful and up and down since then. I then began hearing voices and having delusions in October 2018 alongside severe depression. I was in hospital for 5 months. Then 3 months later I got sectioned again and hospitalised again. This hospitalization the pdoc diagnosed Schizoaffective Disorder because my psychosis was present without a mood episode. I'm still sectioned now with no discharge date.
 

Dwight

Another day gone...one day closer to death...
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#12
Wow, I'm so sorry! I'm not sure what sectioned means, but it doesn't sound good. I don't know what country you're in, so I'm guessing we'd call it hospitalized or institutionalized. At least you don't have to worry about the day-to-day crap of work, etc. In previous centuries, folks with symptoms like yours would have been considered prophets, seers, or leaders. I kind of wonder if hearing voices couldn't possibly be overhearing conversations between the gods at times...
 
#13
I've had depressions before and gone back to functioning normally but I'm experiencing negative symptoms like lack of self care. I dont shower until I'm told eat unless I'm told to etc. I have to learn all that again.
damn, I thought I'm crazy. I just kept being mocked about this. and at that time, was forced when I can't and nobody understands it. I had to still ignore their pressure to self-care cause it was for my own good like say, I wouldn't want to rush the mental health healing process. Now that everybody don't give a shit cause I'm just still feel beyond help, I'm still relearning that myself too but I don't wait for when everybody don't give a shit to help myself, ya know what I mean? I just do this things on my own. I still struggle to ask for help most times too. Takes a while for me to do that, to even understand myself. I just, well, I think being aware of oneself is never easy for anybody.
 

Dwight

Another day gone...one day closer to death...
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#14
Funny how self awareness is the one thing we all hope & pray that machines never achieve....and yet it's also the one thing we all strive for, for ourselves.
Maybe machines are meant to run the Matrix afterall...
 
#15
Wow, I'm so sorry! I'm not sure what sectioned means, but it doesn't sound good. I don't know what country you're in, so I'm guessing we'd call it hospitalized or institutionalized. At least you don't have to worry about the day-to-day crap of work, etc. In previous centuries, folks with symptoms like yours would have been considered prophets, seers, or leaders. I kind of wonder if hearing voices couldn't possibly be overhearing conversations between the gods at times...
Sectioned is a UK term referring to sections of our Mental Health Act that relate to compelling admission to psychiatric hospital against your will
 

Dwight

Another day gone...one day closer to death...
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#16
Sectioned is a UK term referring to sections of our Mental Health Act that relate to compelling admission to psychiatric hospital against your will
Thanks Steve. Yep, we'd call it institutionalized here. And I'd say "been there, done that, got the T-shirt"!!
 
#17
I've experienced psychosis twice, both times when people very important to me died. Both were depression driven. If you get really down you eventually cross the line into psychosis.

I was absolutely plagued by voices. Two voices arguing about my faults. One that just did a running commentary on everything I did.
And one that just made random comments

I also developed a delusion. I became convinced that my thoughts were being broadcast like radio and that anyone close to me could pick them up. That was frightening.

It was obvious that I was going to be sectioned but I was still functioning a little so I said I would go into hospital voluntarily and they accepted this. I figured they would have less power over me.

The second time was pretty much the same. I think this thread is a really good idea. Don't give up on being a nurse yet. Things can improve
 
#18
Wow, I'm so sorry! I'm not sure what sectioned means, but it doesn't sound good. I don't know what country you're in, so I'm guessing we'd call it hospitalized or institutionalized. At least you don't have to worry about the day-to-day crap of work, etc. In previous centuries, folks with symptoms like yours would have been considered prophets, seers, or leaders. I kind of wonder if hearing voices couldn't possibly be overhearing conversations between the gods at times...
I think the current view is that something causes the neurotransmitter Glutamate to raise and that the higher levels cause changes in the Dopamine system which drive the hallucinations. For interactions with the Gods I relied on acid.
 

Butterfly

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#19
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm struggling to accept my diagnosis right now so I feel a little less alone...
 

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