• You may receive an error message when sending PMs at the moment. The message you're trying to send has been sent and if you refresh your screen, you will see it. Otherwise you may get many repeated messages. We're working on this!

Pushing people away

Status
Not open for further replies.
#1
When you get sad or depressed do you intentionally push people away? Even if you know they care. In my experience I do it because it causes me more pain (weird I know). I realize it in the moment, and I can't stop it. I keep thinking isolating myself will help me even when I know it won't. Anyone want to share, stories or tips?
 

brknsilence

"Keep Moving Forward"-Meet The Robinsons movie
#2
I do this a lot. My reason is not to burden them. But then I realize and ask myself, "if I was my own friend, would I want to help her any way I can?" My answer, "of course" so what would help me? Allow others to help and it's okay.

Know I am here if you ever need or want to talk.
 

Brian777

Safety and Support
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#3
Hi Broken21, I think many of us do want to isolate when we are depressed, and no it doesn't help. I feel the same way, I don't want to burden anyone else with my low mood and energy. I do try and get out and walk my dog, sometimes that helps, but it's difficult to find the motivation when your stuck in depressions darkness.
I'm sorry you're going through this too, sometimes it feels it's never going to end, but it does or at least gets a little better. I hope you feel better soon.
Hugs
Brian
 

Fizzipocus

Forsaken Feline
#4
I am guilty of this.

And I dearly wish I wasn't, because more often than not it has proven terribly costly. Admittedly, I'm a creature of solitude - and we surely can all use our moments alone from time to time. But in the case of those who sought to help me, those who recognized my acute depression when I could not, those who just wished to understand... I regret not reaching out, or simply appreciating another point of view.

Indeed, it certainly can feel painful to let others in. In most instances, I felt as though the struggle was mine and mine alone - no one should be made to share in my pain. But I understand now that this isn't necessarily true. Regardless of whether or not others can truly comprehend what you're going through - they often really only have your best interests at heart. One should seek help, if needed. And not refuse it, if offered.

I often wonder what the current state of my life - and mental health - would be had I not been so drastically inward. But I know it can be hard to cast off the shells that confine us.

Never hesitate to reach out.
 
#5
Thank you all for replying,

I definitely kept thinking I was burdening people when I reach out. I have told people I'm better but I have moments when I absolutely am overtaken by a dark cloud again and I'm afraid of hurting the ones who care. Or like to drag them down.

brknsilence thank you for your kind words and that was an excellent approach to looking at things

Brian77 walking your dog must help you, being in the fresh air, air for sure helps me. I find being locked in my room or house makes it worse for the sake that the world seems even more distant.

Fizzipocus please know that by you being on this site is reaching out and hopefully you can find some understanding here. It's never too late to take a hand.

All of you take care and thanks again.

-broken21
 

SillyOldBear

Teddy Bears Rule! 🐻
Staff Alumni
#6
I isolate myself because I have grown to be the most comfortable when alone. I feel undeserving of the help of others. That I will somehow let them down. That by being alone the only one I can hurt is myself. And that it is okay to hurt me, but not to hurt others. It is very difficult to let others in your life when you are hurting, but I truly hope you succeed in doing so.
 
#7
SillyOldBear that makes sense, being alone is a way to protect others from yourself. I too have felt this way, I fear that if I hurt them they won't come back, so to stop that from happening I just get rid of them before any damage can be done.
 

foreverforgotten

Quiet Observer
SF Supporter
#8
I cant find the words to express to ohers so it becomes less and less important to me. I stop caring about myself and
cant see a point to it.. Its hard for me to connect with others in general without depression. what I mean is I can be friendly and make conversations, but replying back becomes a chore and it confuses people because I often initiate the talks in the first place. Because I get lonely. But its ahrd building closeness with people from the start..
if you don't already have friends.. Even so..then I flake out.. its hard for me to connect with other emotionally.. I don't know why.
I just dont feel much in general...
 
#9
foreverforgotten I can completely relate to that. I would often do that during my darkest/lowest point. I would start conversation but never reply. Eventually the friendships or whatever faded away. I felt bad because they were trying to help me yet I didn't have energy to keep it going. When you're in a dark era, whether it be depression or heartache or anything else, emotions can sometimes just numb out.

Feel better honey and good luck with things
 

WatchingPlanesFlyBy

Captain of the Catwalk
#11
Guilty as charged

Most of the time (3/4) it's just my natural introverted nature. I like being by myself and limiting my interactions. Socializing drains me. And when I'm depressed I find it better to sit and do some introspection instead of talking it out with others.

But there are times I push others away because I fear I'm burdening them with my trivial problems when they've got their own to-do list. People insist you 'call them up any old time when you're feeling down' but to me it sounds like a formality so as not to appear insensitive. Depression is like a blinding haze; it makes us think nobody cares.

Through it all, you can never have enough family and friends who love and trust you implicitly.
 
#12
I certainly do.

Even though due to technical issues I only now have maybe 6 contacts, I have recently deactivated my account for the umpteenth time. I have done it to email as well.

I think I hate the possible "how are you?" The not being able to communicate how even if yesterday was "okay" or even good, that today I may be lower than before and no, yesterday was not a sign that I was getting better.

Also the burden factor.

But one of the main issues for me is having "nothing" to report. I have often felt, said and thought that I should just disconnect until I have some good news to share. Even if I don't share the bad, I would like to be the bearer of good news and some change at some point.

I have long however been pretty comfortable alone, partly by force I guess: going to the cinema alone, party alone. So some of it is my nature, but it's definitely heightened when days are darker. :(

I think it causes me less pain just feeling more like I don't exist.
 

foreverforgotten

Quiet Observer
SF Supporter
#13
Th
foreverforgotten I can completely relate to that. I would often do that during my darkest/lowest point. I would start conversation but never reply. Eventually the friendships or whatever faded away. I felt bad because they were trying to help me yet I didn't have energy to keep it going. When you're in a dark era, whether it be depression or heartache or anything else, emotions can sometimes just numb out.

Feel better honey and good luck with things
Thank you :> you are sweet :3 I hope things can come alive for you again.
It'll be OK sdo long as we don't stop trying I guess.
 

Witty⭐️Sarcasm🐒

My sense of humor is both black and blue.
SF Supporter
#14
Most people dislike me so I don't need to push many away. But I do tend to isolate because it is easier for me to be alone. Anyway, it is good to post here, because I think people can understand my feelings to some extent.
 
#15
Witty_Sarcasm it good that you feel that way. People understand here, most everyone is not only sympathetic, but also empathic towards other members. Sometimes being alone you can fine some inner peace, but sometimes it's too dark there and can drive you to a bad place.. it's nice to have a group that can relate to the things you're going through. Even in a teenie tiny way.
 
#16
AlexiMarie7 people do think that just because one day was good that things are rising. They don't understand that you're living in a very dark stormy place, that the sun is rare. Just because it glimmers through it can very quickly be overtaken with the clouds again, with the storm again.

I had a hard time lying to people after I accepted what I felt. When they asked how I was either I filtered it down so it seems like it's just a bit rocky, or I spilt my heart out.

The filter, that is one of the hardest struggles. The forced lies that a struggle. Feeling unwanted and misplaced huge struggle.

Just keep going honey, you are strong. Hugs xx
 
#18
I isolate myself because I have grown to be the most comfortable when alone. I feel undeserving of the help of others. That I will somehow let them down. That by being alone the only one I can hurt is myself. And that it is okay to hurt me, but not to hurt others. It is very difficult to let others in your life when you are hurting, but I truly hope you succeed in doing so.
Yes! That is exactly how I feel a lot of the time. What I find ironic about this way of thinking is that you'd never consider it ok to hurt others. I'm sure you'd be the type of friend that another person could regularly lean on for help. Why do we deny ourselves that which we would give so freely to others? One of my friends asked me if I got a good feeling from helping others. I told her that I didn't feel good so much as I avoided feeling bad for not helping them. She told me that lots of people think that way, and that by not letting anyone help me, I could be forcing someone else to feel badly.

I don't know if that's true or not, but I do know that letting her hug me, even though I have personal space issues, makes her feel better.
 

Fudgewobble

Well-Known Member
#19
Yes! That is exactly how I feel a lot of the time. What I find ironic about this way of thinking is that you'd never consider it ok to hurt others. I'm sure you'd be the type of friend that another person could regularly lean on for help. Why do we deny ourselves that which we would give so freely to others? One of my friends asked me if I got a good feeling from helping others. I told her that I didn't feel good so much as I avoided feeling bad for not helping them. She told me that lots of people think that way, and that by not letting anyone help me, I could be forcing someone else to feel badly.

I don't know if that's true or not, but I do know that letting her hug me, even though I have personal space issues, makes her feel better.
I get that Mel. Sometimes I'm aware that people feel helpless because they want to do something. They see my husband shopping on his own and they know and want to reach out. That fills me with dread because I have to perform to make them feel ok.
Lately I've stopped performing. I went shopping and got out of the car and was stopped numerous times to chat. When I recognized a genuine 'how are you really?' I answered truthfully and with one person I had a bit of a tear. That person had just lost her husband to a terrible accident and I apologized for not being a support for her. She wrapped her arms around me and said how worried she'd been about me. Can you believe that? There are those that can't handle your depression and then there are extraordinary people that may not understand but really want to be a support.
And we deny them that.

But then I ask myself, who am I trying to please, them or me? Always a conundrum for me.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$276.00
Goal
$255.00
Top