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Quitting my job (ever done it?)

Depressed in SF

Well-Known Member
#1
I work for one of the most prestigious companies in the world. I have a very important job and make a lot of money...............and I'm totally miserable. Every morning when its time to face the day, I have a panic attack and want to puke.

I feel like a failure and I'm full of shame...but I can't go on like this.

My plan is to take medical leave for as long as they'll let me, then formally resign.

Anyone ever have to do this? Was it the right move to make for you? How did you go about doing it? How did it work out in the end?
 

Acy

Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
ADMIN
#2
@Depressed in SF - Depression can make us feel miserable - make it feel what we do is worthless, make us feel like a failure and full of shame. Are you in therapy, seeing a pdoc or a counsellor? Depression can make us feel as though we are not up to our job, or even that we don't like our work. It's tricky though - depression often tells us lies about how capable we are or are not.

What would you say to getting some intensive therapy to help you work through where the depression is coming from? You could possibly continue working while getting that therapy. If you cannot work, you might find that the time off plus the therapy will help you decide if you want to go back to that job and work. And it's a good idea to keep that option open, imo.

I think if you have a trusted friend or therapist, talk about this with them BEFORE you make any big decisions about the longer term. I'd hate to hear three , six, 24 months from now that you wished you could be back at this work, but your decisions now have prevented that. Think first, then act very carefully.

Also, if you truly hate the job you do, is it the job/workplace, the nature of the work, the hours, the company ethos? Do you have a different career path you are eager to explore? I'd also think about those things.

I know it's not fun feeling panicked as we head off to work each day. I'm hoping that you can discover and resolve whatever is creating that feeling so you don't have to make a huge decision right away. All the best! *hug*
 

Depressed in SF

Well-Known Member
#3
@Depressed in SFAre you in therapy, seeing a pdoc or a counsellor?
Yes, I regularly see both a psychiatrist and a psychologist.

@Depressed in SF What would you say to getting some intensive therapy to help you work through where the depression is coming from?
I plan to take an extended leave of absence before formally resigning. During that time I will be working intensively with my docs and will definitely consider inpatient.

@Depressed in SF I think if you have a trusted friend or therapist, talk about this with them BEFORE you make any big decisions about the longer term. I'd hate to hear three , six, 24 months from now that you wished you could be back at this work, but your decisions now have prevented that. Think first, then act very carefully.
I've talked to my wife, my psychologist and a co-worker that I trust. They all think this is a good/brave decision for me. My wife is especially supportive.

@Depressed in SF
Also, if you truly hate the job you do, is it the job/workplace, the nature of the work, the hours, the company ethos? Do you have a different career path you are eager to explore? I'd also think about those things.
I actually love the company and feel very lucky to have been chosen to work here and to have done so well here for so long. Working here just triggers so much panic, anxiety and depression that I don't think its worth it anymore. I make great money, which is scary to walk away from...but this job is literally killing me.

I do have another line of work I'd like to explore. Not sure how feasible it is...but I'm gonna try it for sure.

Thank you so much for the thoughtful reply Acy...I really appreciate it! *hugs*
 

Innocent Forever

Still innocent!
SF Supporter
#4
If you're taking a leave of absence, and going to try inpatient, then you'll find out afterwards exactly what you think. I like that you're keeping the door open to see what will be.
Doing what you think is the right thing, with the backing of those who know you behind you, IS brave.
Good luck...
 

Depressed in SF

Well-Known Member
#5
If you're taking a leave of absence, and going to try inpatient, then you'll find out afterwards exactly what you think. I like that you're keeping the door open to see what will be.
Doing what you think is the right thing, with the backing of those who know you behind you, IS brave.
Good luck...
Thank you for the encouraging words! I'm not sure if I'll go the inpatient route (kind of scares me tbh) but I'm definitely going to take an extended leave to figure out what I'd like to do next.

It definitely feels good to have important people in my life who are supporting me. I appreciate your support too!!
 

Innocent Forever

Still innocent!
SF Supporter
#6
Thank you for the encouraging words! I'm not sure if I'll go the inpatient route (kind of scares me tbh) but I'm definitely going to take an extended leave to figure out what I'd like to do next.

It definitely feels good to have important people in my life who are supporting me. I appreciate your support too!!
:) Inpatient definitely sounds scary. I know I've thought of it before, but then it never seemed necessary (and when it did seem necessary I'd rather have ended it, so yeah).
I hope it all works out...
Keep us updated...
 

nobodyimportant

Well-Known Member
#7
That is exactly what I did in my last "proper" job. I took 3 months off with "stress" whilst I did some prep and planning, then handed my notice of resignation in so my final day would co-incide with the last day of the tax year.

Both the best and worst thing I did.

It was the best thing because I don't have to take ownership of other people's problems anymore. Rather than climbing the corporate ladder, if you own the ladder nobody above you has slopey shoulders so nobody's shit falls down the ranks onto you. It can be quite stressful, but it's your own stress so you can choose how to handle it.

It was the worst thing I did because I totally underestimated how much went into trying to build a successful business from scratch, and I didn't know the first thing about marketing, etc. So I had (and still have) an absolute tonne of things to learn, and get wrong.
 

Depressed in SF

Well-Known Member
#8
That is exactly what I did in my last "proper" job. I took 3 months off with "stress" whilst I did some prep and planning, then handed my notice of resignation in so my final day would co-incide with the last day of the tax year.

Both the best and worst thing I did.

It was the best thing because I don't have to take ownership of other people's problems anymore. Rather than climbing the corporate ladder, if you own the ladder nobody above you has slopey shoulders so nobody's shit falls down the ranks onto you. It can be quite stressful, but it's your own stress so you can choose how to handle it.

It was the worst thing I did because I totally underestimated how much went into trying to build a successful business from scratch, and I didn't know the first thing about marketing, etc. So I had (and still have) an absolute tonne of things to learn, and get wrong.
Thank you so much for your perspective on this. I'm pretty terrified but the alternative (staying) doesn't seem tenable. I'll keep this thread updated with whatever steps I take..
 

nobodyimportant

Well-Known Member
#11
Just make sure you are prepared financially for a long term period of unemployment. Otherwise you may wind up in an even worse position.
That's pretty standard advice, but isn't always the right way to look at it, and it kinda all depends on your view of the world.

For some - indeed, many of those who run/ran their own businesses and made them successful - not having the financial security was precisely the motivation to make it work. If they'd had the financial security in the early days, they wouldn't have pushed and (much as I hate the word) hustled to get paying client work.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but it's usually the result of the "employee mindset" - security is better, even if you hate what you do.

As a silly example: my sister was made redundant from her job not-so-long ago. The work that she had been doing - and the companies she'd worked for - over the last 10 years meant she had a tonne of really good experience at being a "project manager". She was looking for jobs but couldn't actually apply for any until the last day of her existing employment or risk losing her redundancy payout. I suggested to her, and showed her how she could go about, setting up and running her own "interim project management" consultancy - being the person who "runs" a project whilst a company finds or grooms their own project manager inhouse. The amount she would be able to charge meant that she'd realistically only need to find 3 clients a year, and work with them for about 2 to 3 months each, to have the same take-home income as what she was already on. So she'd have a tonne of time to spend with her family, and the majority of the actual "work" could be done from the comfort of her office at home.

If she had a mind to, she could easily take on more than 3 clients in the year and bring in some serious cash.

She decided that the idea was "too risky". She ended up taking a job that she really does not enjoy doing, for about 2/3 the money she was on prior to her redundancy, because it's "safer".

Anyway, my point is that running your own business is inherently risky, but without the risk there is no reward.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#12
Hi. I was at a job for three years that I feel that I was over qualified for. In some ways I did feel lucky to have gotten it in the first place though. I hadn't worked a regular on the books job in a while. However, I wasn't happy. I worked hard and rarely took time off. I didn't make a lot of money, but felt that my good work ethic and willingness to get along with some pretty awful people there..well, I had had enough. The job was close to home and let out at 4:30.

Now, I am having trouble finding another job. However, I still don't completely regret leaving a toxic work environment. I fight the depression however from being unemployed. I do have a demeaning part time job. So, good luck if you take the leap. Peace of mind means a lot. I do wish I had counseling right now, but my health insurance got screwed up do to me leaving the job.
 

Depressed in SF

Well-Known Member
#13
What's up y'all. Here's an update on my working situation:

I took a year off on long term disability. That was as long as they'd let me without firing me.

During that time I went to therapy, took my meds and developed the seedlings of what could be a new line of business for me.

I returned to work about 2 months ago and, while the people there have been great and it checks every box (great money, great benefits, prestigious, etc)...it's still triggering the same panic/anxiety and depression that it did before.

I'm thinking about white-knuckling it until late January (will get a pro-rated bonus) then resigning. Hopefully I can even make it that far..
 
#14
Hopefully there's something that you can do that will make it not-so white-knuckle.

Do you feel like you know your limits well enough that you'd get out well before job stress would put you at danger for an attempt, or cause any kind of lasting health problems?
 

Nick

☆☆Still Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#15
This was me at my last job. The money wasn't great, but it was okay. The hours, stress and environment were the issue. I did quit my job. It took a little longer to find a replacement than I'd planned, but I did find a new job in a new line of work. I really like the company I work for now. Like any job, not every day is great, but it's much better than where I came from. It's really about what you think is best for you. I'd never recommend someone quit their job, it's risky. I'm glad that I did though. You may want to start throwing out applications to new places before you leave, just so you've got some things started. I hope things work out for you.
 

Depressed in SF

Well-Known Member
#16
Hopefully there's something that you can do that will make it not-so white-knuckle.

Do you feel like you know your limits well enough that you'd get out well before job stress would put you at danger for an attempt, or cause any kind of lasting health problems?
There might be a new job I can take on that would limit my stress some, thus making the white-knuckling a bit more tolerable. (big "might" tho...no guarantees there)

I do feel like I'd get out before making an attempt. I'm talking/thinking about it more and more every day. I want to stay just a little longer to give my wife and I some cushion and time to plan...but I might pull the ripcord at any time if I feel like its making me sick enough.
 

Aurelia

🔶🔸✴ 👑 ✴🔸🔶
#17
There might be a new job I can take on that would limit my stress some, thus making the white-knuckling a bit more tolerable. (big "might" tho...no guarantees there)

I do feel like I'd get out before making an attempt. I'm talking/thinking about it more and more every day. I want to stay just a little longer to give my wife and I some cushion and time to plan...but I might pull the ripcord at any time if I feel like its making me sick enough.
I've never had a job where I was making as much money as it sounds like you're making. But I think regardless of money, if you're at a point where you absolutely can't stand going into work, having panic attacks because of it, etc., then it's time to find another job. Of course, it'd be better if you were able to find another job first and then quit, so that you're not screwing yourself. But if that's not an option and you want out asap, then I would just quit. It's not worth it if it's affecting your mental health that much.
 

Depressed in SF

Well-Known Member
#18
I've never had a job where I was making as much money as it sounds like you're making. But I think regardless of money, if you're at a point where you absolutely can't stand going into work, having panic attacks because of it, etc., then it's time to find another job. Of course, it'd be better if you were able to find another job first and then quit, so that you're not screwing yourself. But if that's not an option and you want out asap, then I would just quit. It's not worth it if it's affecting your mental health that much.
Yeah, that's the toughest part...I make really good $$$ and have outstanding benefits (which, in the US means health insurance). However, the anxiety and depression that the job induces is becoming not worth it anymore.

This other job I might be able to get is internal, which is great, because I don't want to just leave my company for another one.

If I can get this job, I think I can squeeze a few more months out of this place, save up some $ so I can quit.

If I can't get this new job, I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to last here.

I talk to my boss about it tomorrow...wish me luck!
 

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