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Rejection from all angles

For as long as I can remember, I have always had people who would call me a "friend" but would never act like they wanted to be my friend. I often hear/see these people go out together and have great times, but I'm always looking from the outside and never because I'm apart of it. I would be if they wanted. There was one person who I really felt like I could connect to though, she was kind, funny, honest, we had similar interests and tastes, and after months of us getting closer and closer, I eventually found myself falling for her. after weeks of coming to terms with my feelings for her, I told her how I felt. While she did reject my feelings in the kindest way possible by simply saying how she doesn't feel the same way, then trying to change the subject to cheer me up and continue the friendship we do have, it doesn't change the fact that no matter what I do, I get rejected on all fronts, whether it's by "friends" or by the people I fall for. I have never had a relationship and so I thought this might be it, the time when I could finally find someone who would love me back. She is still friendly with me and we still often have a laugh together, but it doesn't matter, because it's always me that initiates every conversation with her, or anyone else. I still love her, but she, and no-one else, seems to ever want to talk to me. Through loving her, I feel lonelier than ever.


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Hi there
Sorry to hear that you're having problems forming relationships with others man. That's kind of a drag, especially at your age when friends are pretty important.
Do you have any idea why you don't seem to be connecting well with people? Do you have better luck with guys or with girls?

As for the girl you're talking about here - I think this is a classic case that happens all the time a million times a day. If the girl isn't interested in you romantically then what is she supposed to do? Agree and fake it to appease you for a while? Would that have been better? Because that's the alternative. So it was either that - which is far far shittier - or tell you she's not into you that way. It's just a thing and it's gonna happen again during your life. It's a thing happening to everyone on the planet (guys and girls) every day.


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It is hard feeling like an outsider all the time - and hard to figure out how you are supposed to act around women at your age. But that is in large part because you are that age and have not had years and years practice. While when 16/17/18 you feel like it has "been like this forever" (because from your perspective it has, or at least all of your life since became interested in "relationships") the real truth is that's what 16/17/18 are for- to LEARN HOW to form relationships. Sadly, it is impossible to learn anything by getting all the answers right all the time. If you got it all right all the time it would be because you already know the answers- you would not be learning you would be knowing. Point one- if you spend weeks and weeks and months becoming friends before you express an interest in more you will probably be seen as a friend as opposed to something else. To form relationships it typically requires a little more risk taking- and that means expressing you are interested in more before you have become comfortable talking with them and know them exceptionally well. Not at all saying it never works any other way- but in general more often than not is how it is.

The next trap to avoid is where some guys think they are nice guys because they are "friends" and listen and be nice and spend lots of time with women for months and months and then the woman always goes and starts dating some other guy and leaves them behind or just friendzoned them. Some guys then make the very ridiculous deduction women like rude people and nice guys like them are left behind. No, women like guys that are honest- and that means if you are interested in more letting them know- not pretending you are interested in hearing them talk for hours on end and sitting with them but really are only doing hoping to get lucky at some point in future... I am not at all suggesting that is you- I am simply giving warning of where thoughts and issues like this often lead in the future. It is hard to be upfront about feelings and interests- and when you are you will be shot down 80% of the time anyway - is just the way it is - but if are up front and honest with all women you meet and shot down 80% of the time that means you are dating and getting to know 20% of all women you meet at a deeper and more serious level - which would make you the most incredible jock "player" in history. Clearly i am joking/exaggerating tiny bit here but overall is true.

You haven't been in a deep relationship at 17- good- lucky for you- they hurt and it sucks breaking up- but sadly you will experience that in years to come - it is basically inevitable. But you can meet women and date and learn how to be in a relationship to be a better person and somebody worthy of being relationships with by being patient, kind, and more important upfront and honest with women about interest. Go out on the limb - tell the truth- "I think you are amazing- I would love to go out on a date with you" - even if shot down so what- you can still be friends. Confidence is rewarded in life- as is taking risks. It also is a chance to get feelings hurt a little- don't take it personally because every woman you are interested in is not interested in you. Fact is you are prolly not interested in every girl you meet either- is way things work. If you ask somebody if they like strawberry ice cream and they admit they do not , there is not reason to be offended because they have a preference. Same applies to you- if they have a different preference does not mean is anything wrong with strawberry- just is not what they like - and no need to be more offended by that then what ice cream they like.

You will find women and learn plenty about relationships in years to come. Don't rush life- enjoy it and let it come to you- and get it to go the way you want it to by telling people you are interested you are and if they are not by not being upset that different people have different ideas. Some will like strawberry ice cream too.

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