Should I go to a doctor?

[LynxStars]

I had depression for 5 years at the past. Then, I met my current boyfriend and I finally feel being loved. He encouraged me to do more exercise. With his help and doing more exercise, I finally felt better around 2-3 years ago and stopped my meds. Although on and off I was depressed and bad at controlling my emotion, I have been feeling worse since last year. Depressed, wanna die, hate myself, hate what I did, regret, continue indulging in the past memory, numb, feeling myself is a mess, feeling I only bring misfortune to everyone who is around me... Feeling useless, lost, alone, no one loves me, no one values me.... Sometimes, when I am being with my boyfriend, I can still smile and feel joy. But sometimes, I don't feel his support (He is too tired because of his job, and of coz, he has his own stress and stuff...not blaming him, but sometimes he is kinda cold to me when he is way too tired) or when my boyfriend is not with me, I am usually alone and the monster inside my heart starts to grow. I usually try to make myself work more to forget the feeling, but these months, I started taking leaves and I don't want to go to work. I feel helpless, don't know what to do, irritated at home.. I tried to play computer games which i love the most, but I don't wanna play. Even one simple task make me feel stressed. But sometimes I still can smile, laugh, talk to people, still can eat well. I won't say I sleep well but it is not bad.

I always wonder... if I reli have depression? or just my personality is nasty and I am just useless.... I am confused. I don't know how to make myself happy.. I don't know what to do... I am not sure if the meds reli can help me.. I am not sure if I should go to the doctor (quite expensive ...) ...

Sometimes, I think it is just me overthinking and I am the problem not depression..

I am sorry if my English isn't that good... since English is not my first language.

If you read it all, thank you so much.. since I reli have no one to talk to.

 

[1Lefty]

I had depression for 5 years at the past. Then, I met my current boyfriend and I finally feel being loved. He encouraged me to do more exercise. With his help and doing more exercise, I finally felt better around 2-3 years ago and stopped my meds. Although on and off I was depressed and bad at controlling my emotion, I have been feeling worse since last year. Depressed, wanna die, hate myself, hate what I did, regret, continue indulging in the past memory, numb, feeling myself is a mess, feeling I only bring misfortune to everyone who is around me... Feeling useless, lost, alone, no one loves me, no one values me.... Sometimes, when I am being with my boyfriend, I can still smile and feel joy. But sometimes, I don't feel his support (He is too tired because of his job, and of coz, he has his own stress and stuff...not blaming him, but sometimes he is kinda cold to me when he is way too tired) or when my boyfriend is not with me, I am usually alone and the monster inside my heart starts to grow. I usually try to make myself work more to forget the feeling, but these months, I started taking leaves and I don't want to go to work. I feel helpless, don't know what to do, irritated at home.. I tried to play computer games which i love the most, but I don't wanna play. Even one simple task make me feel stressed. But sometimes I still can smile, laugh, talk to people, still can eat well. I won't say I sleep well but it is not bad.

I always wonder... if I reli have depression? or just my personality is nasty and I am just useless.... I am confused. I don't know how to make myself happy.. I don't know what to do... I am not sure if the meds reli can help me.. I am not sure if I should go to the doctor (quite expensive ...) ...

Sometimes, I think it is just me overthinking and I am the problem not depression..

I am sorry if my English isn't that good... since English is not my first language.

If you read it all, thank you so much.. since I reli have no one to talk to.

Hello -

I think your English is fine -

I think that if you're having problems with mood or motivation, and you think may be depression (which you had in the past), it might be worth going to a doctor to help get it sorted out. If it is something that may continue, then the sooner you can identify it, then you might be able to start resolving it.

I don't know if you have a nasty personality, but I suspect probably you don't. If you wonder about it, that means you care, and that how you interact with others matters to you. Those seem to indicate a nice personality, maybe in difficult circumstances.

We're here for you to talk to,

Peace

 

[LynxStars]

Hello -

I think your English is fine -

I think that if you're having problems with mood or motivation, and you think may be depression (which you had in the past), it might be worth going to a doctor to help get it sorted out. If it is something that may continue, then the sooner you can identify it, then you might be able to start resolving it.

I don't know if you have a nasty personality, but I suspect probably you don't. If you wonder about it, that means you care, and that how you interact with others matters to you. Those seem to indicate a nice personality, maybe in difficult circumstances.

We're here for you to talk to,

Peace

Thanks... feeling less people on SF nowadays...

 

[may71]

I'm sorry that things have gotten worse since last year.

I always wonder... if I reli have depression?

In my humble opinion, finding a way to get better is more important than the label that you put on your condition, though in some cases a formal diagnosis can help when prescribing certain treatments like medication.

I am not sure if the meds reli can help me

While meds and therapy are the typical first line of conventional treatment, there's more to treating depression than that. I could try to make some suggestions if you'd like.

If you find some non-medication treatments that work well for you, then I think that would be good, but if that doesn't work, giving medication another try might not be a bad idea.

I hope something can help.

 

[KM76710]

Your English is perfectly fine. I would put it as I do for myself. If I am questioning then I go with that. If I believe or think I need to see a doctor I most likely do and will just to be certain.