This might become a long rant but I feel like I need to put it down somwhere if only to sort out my thoughts yet again.
A bit about me.
I've been living with depression since I was about 16-17 years old. I'm 22 today. It's been some fiercely tough years but I believe I've tried my best at staying sane and living my life like everyone else.
In all this time though, I haven't told my parents. To be honest, I've only ever told my study group from uni last autumn which was very uncomfortable and I regretted it right after - nothing changed and I didn't feel better in any way.
I've always thought it was MY problem and no ones business, even more so now that I'm 22, and even if I told someone, no one would be able to help me anyway so what's the point? I don't want people, especially my friends, to tread on eggshells around me either.
I've been to a few different therapists btw which has been a complete waste of time. None of them seemed very interested in what I had to say so I've given up on that.
SO. Here's the situation I'm in right now.
I've dropped out of uni and have to make a new application for somewhere else for next semester. I have no idea what I want to do with my life since I've been busy trying to simply make it through life one day at a time. My father especially puts quite a lot of pressure on me.
After all these years, I think my father in particular think I'm very lazy and have told me that I "need to get my life straight". He seems pretty disappointed in me which I honestly don't care about but his attitude can be difficult to handle at times. Even if I told my parents today, I have a notion my father wont believe me since it's been so long since I began to behave differently (depressed).
My mother is very kind and has probably had an idea that everything wasn't going great with me these last couple of years. Story time: Last time I was home, my mother mentioned out of the blue that my cousin had finished her education (a VERY good one), had gotten a job right away and was looking for a house with her boyfriend. She said something about how strange it was that her brother (my cousin's father) had had it so easy with his three children which was kinda "auch" for me since my sister is doing great as well, haha.. Conclusion: I don't want to disappoint her further.
They're busy with their own lives and have many worries themselves right now so my situation will only be one more burden for them. Again, I don't think there's anything that'll change even if I tell them so why burden them further? I can only hope they'll stop pressuing me so much if I do tell them.
Gees, I don't know. I feel super uncomfortable thinking about telling them and I fear that I'll regret it. I mean, try to see it from their perspective. They got children because they thought it would be great or whatever yet now one of them is a flippin' wreck.
Hope everyone is having a nice day tho, I'm gonna go and drink some coffee.
A bit about me.
I've been living with depression since I was about 16-17 years old. I'm 22 today. It's been some fiercely tough years but I believe I've tried my best at staying sane and living my life like everyone else.
In all this time though, I haven't told my parents. To be honest, I've only ever told my study group from uni last autumn which was very uncomfortable and I regretted it right after - nothing changed and I didn't feel better in any way.
I've always thought it was MY problem and no ones business, even more so now that I'm 22, and even if I told someone, no one would be able to help me anyway so what's the point? I don't want people, especially my friends, to tread on eggshells around me either.
I've been to a few different therapists btw which has been a complete waste of time. None of them seemed very interested in what I had to say so I've given up on that.
SO. Here's the situation I'm in right now.
I've dropped out of uni and have to make a new application for somewhere else for next semester. I have no idea what I want to do with my life since I've been busy trying to simply make it through life one day at a time. My father especially puts quite a lot of pressure on me.
After all these years, I think my father in particular think I'm very lazy and have told me that I "need to get my life straight". He seems pretty disappointed in me which I honestly don't care about but his attitude can be difficult to handle at times. Even if I told my parents today, I have a notion my father wont believe me since it's been so long since I began to behave differently (depressed).
My mother is very kind and has probably had an idea that everything wasn't going great with me these last couple of years. Story time: Last time I was home, my mother mentioned out of the blue that my cousin had finished her education (a VERY good one), had gotten a job right away and was looking for a house with her boyfriend. She said something about how strange it was that her brother (my cousin's father) had had it so easy with his three children which was kinda "auch" for me since my sister is doing great as well, haha.. Conclusion: I don't want to disappoint her further.
They're busy with their own lives and have many worries themselves right now so my situation will only be one more burden for them. Again, I don't think there's anything that'll change even if I tell them so why burden them further? I can only hope they'll stop pressuing me so much if I do tell them.
Gees, I don't know. I feel super uncomfortable thinking about telling them and I fear that I'll regret it. I mean, try to see it from their perspective. They got children because they thought it would be great or whatever yet now one of them is a flippin' wreck.
Hope everyone is having a nice day tho, I'm gonna go and drink some coffee.
