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Struggling to move forward

#1
My family used to be really, so I understand that the older generations want everyone to be "best friends". Recently however I seem to be having a really hard time keeping my relationship as strong as it used to be with my cousin, T. T and I grew up inseparable but in the past few years he's been smoking marijuana, doing gang activities, been to juvie and has been disrespectful to my immediate family, including myself.
I have been trying to be a strong support for him to do right, but him verbally attacking me, not even caring to pay attention to all the struggles I'm already going through in my personal life, has made our relationship shaky. I have known for quite some time now, that he doesn't really want to talk about anyone but himself and how everyone's treating him badly. I usually do everything I can to make sure he gets what he wants and I've seen my mom go through so much to make sure he has a roof over his head and has food, hearing him say we don't do anything for him only adds to my previous struggles and I'm now at a dead end and I know I need to drop him from my life despite how close we used to be. However, I feel like the choice would just kill me emotionally and I don't know what to do to save myself.
Since things have suddenly escalated recently it feels like ages since I've last been truly happy. It's exhausting to wake up early every morning and go to work and smile like everything's fine and then come home and hear who he wants to fight next. If I could, I would just disappear from everything, but T has already posted up statuses on social media disrespecting my family and even added my little sister's name in a couple. She just got things straightened out in her personal life and now I fear for her.
I don't know how to get out of this hole, especially when he keeps coming to our house after he's been kicked out. I'm exhausted and tired of crying and just want to be happy again. It's been a couple months since I last cut and I'm even struggling to refrain from that. Can someone please help.
 

moxman

The "Perfect Life" YouTube channel is neat
SF Supporter
#2
Hello Odd_Panda , I am Mox

I get the impression that T is toxic. He is not healthy for you or anyone in your family. He seems to not care about how he hurts you or anyone else. T seems to be all about T.

I get the impression that you love him because he is family and obviously you two have a long history. But, I don't see how you can keep T in your life and it not hurting you.

Let me ask this question if T was not family, would this behavior be tolerated by yourself or your family?

Ok, you mention that in the past he was smoking pot and in gang activities. Is that behavior still ongoing or has it stopped?

I wish you the best, you have a very hard decision to make.

I wish you the best
 

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