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Practical Advice Suicidal parent

I don't really talk about this irl because it can be really triggering for my close ones (and sometimes for me), but i am scared and worried all the time about my dad since he suffers from depression and once he tried to kill himself. This happened a bit after he divorced my mom (2015), i have lots of memories of him being mentally unestable, he was medicated when i was a kid and he used to pass out, forget about things (saying stuff like "is this -my name-? she's so big!) and run away from home at night. Now in the present i was also diagnosed with clinical depression so i really understand what he was going through. The thing is that i can't relax thinking about him when i'm staying at my mom's, i moved out with him so i could see how was he doing and he could also do that for me because he gets it. The fact is that if he ever takes the decision of killing himself of course i'll be sad and devastated but it kinda pisses me off that i'll totally forgive him for doing that because i got it, it hurts so bad sometimes.
I wish i could talk with him about this but we are lame at communication, we both deny the fact that we are feeling bad until it's too late, i can't tell him that i know about his attempt because that will make him feel shittier (not guessing it, based on similar situations). Any of you have an akward relationship with your parents? like it's not bad but you don't really talk to each other?
I think one of the reasons i don't like the idea of having kids is that i don't want to someone to be born in this world if they will hate life as much as i do.
(sorry if i mispelled something, still learning english)


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I am so sorry that you are going through this and hope that you have some outside irl support for yourself ...like talking with a therapist or counselor as that is so much to be dealing with. I encourage you to keep posting here as know others will have advice and support as well. And welcome you to SF...there is also a live chat if you want to talk to people in real time as well. No need to apologize for your English...it is just fine.
Sorry that you're going through this
I wish i could talk with him about this but we are lame at communication, we both deny the fact that we are feeling bad until it's too late
Is family therapy an option?

If you can find a good treatment method for yourself, that might be a way to help him, since relatives with the same conditions seem to often benefit from the same treatments. I can try to suggest treatment methods if you'd like.

I hope that something can help

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