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Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?
- Thread starter Petal
- Start date
Please stay strong @DarkNightshade. I know how frustrating it can be to switch feelings emotionally from being ok to an emotional wreck. 
Kind of, I'm not sure. I have some inkling of an idea that there is a way out of this that isn't suicide. It's hard to explain. At the same time, if I think about it, I have to say it's appealing. I can see my therapist tomorrow and she understands that inpatient was very harmful for me so she's not going to call in a wellness check or something just because I mention suicidal impulses. I miss the love of my life. I don't imagine that suicide would reunite us, and if it did, he'd be pretty pissed at me, anyway. The appeal is that I could get out of this body that misses him terribly.
I also have a weak belief in reincarnation. By weak I mean that I don't believe that anything gets reincarnated that would make this life belong to the next incarnation's "past lives," as people normally imagine reincarnation. Instead, it makes more sense to me that the habits I have accumulated in this life will carry on somehow.
From the other side of the equation, though, I feel that I was born suicidal. I've only felt like I could manage life when I was on the road in a touring band, or when I was with my partner. Outside of those years, I just wish I had never been born. It doesn't seem unlikely to me that my birth was the result of "my" earlier incarnations' (multiple) suicides, resulting in a habit that will get worse if I don't break it now.
So it's better to work on those habits now in order to ensure a good ground for whatever future life form inherits them. Please tell me if this sounds disconnected from reality. I frequently feel that, if I had lost my shit, I'd probably be the last to know it.
I also have a weak belief in reincarnation. By weak I mean that I don't believe that anything gets reincarnated that would make this life belong to the next incarnation's "past lives," as people normally imagine reincarnation. Instead, it makes more sense to me that the habits I have accumulated in this life will carry on somehow.
From the other side of the equation, though, I feel that I was born suicidal. I've only felt like I could manage life when I was on the road in a touring band, or when I was with my partner. Outside of those years, I just wish I had never been born. It doesn't seem unlikely to me that my birth was the result of "my" earlier incarnations' (multiple) suicides, resulting in a habit that will get worse if I don't break it now.
So it's better to work on those habits now in order to ensure a good ground for whatever future life form inherits them. Please tell me if this sounds disconnected from reality. I frequently feel that, if I had lost my shit, I'd probably be the last to know it.
IMHO, there’s no point from a cosmic perspective. But I also believe that it’s possible there is a point to being alive.
Or maybe it’s a good thing that it’s got no point- in that it takes some pressure off me to do/be/achieve something that I don’t feel is worthwhile. I’ve heard it described as a dance, in the sense that is no point really to dance as an art form (as opposed to social dancing which sometimes is directed towards finding a mate), but people do it just for fun.
As for me, I am trying to find what mental states to cultivate, as in what gives me joy, and what accomplishments are important to me intrinsically.
one thing I have found is that altruism is good medicine for depression. I think this is the same for most people, if not everyone. The second thing is that I am extremely intellectually curious, so learning a new skill, or practicing an existing one to get better at it is something I feel good about after the fact.
It’s not easy to keep my motivation consistent, nor does it make my depression go away entirely. However, doing things I find worthwhile does shift the balance of time between wanting to die and feeling okay about myself. HTH, but I am not trying to change anyone’s mind. It’s more like an opinion I have about the very common feeling of “what’s the point?”
Or maybe it’s a good thing that it’s got no point- in that it takes some pressure off me to do/be/achieve something that I don’t feel is worthwhile. I’ve heard it described as a dance, in the sense that is no point really to dance as an art form (as opposed to social dancing which sometimes is directed towards finding a mate), but people do it just for fun.
As for me, I am trying to find what mental states to cultivate, as in what gives me joy, and what accomplishments are important to me intrinsically.
one thing I have found is that altruism is good medicine for depression. I think this is the same for most people, if not everyone. The second thing is that I am extremely intellectually curious, so learning a new skill, or practicing an existing one to get better at it is something I feel good about after the fact.
It’s not easy to keep my motivation consistent, nor does it make my depression go away entirely. However, doing things I find worthwhile does shift the balance of time between wanting to die and feeling okay about myself. HTH, but I am not trying to change anyone’s mind. It’s more like an opinion I have about the very common feeling of “what’s the point?”
Please stay strong @DarkNightshade. I know how frustrating it can be to switch feelings emotionally from being ok to an emotional wreck.
. If it's any comfort for you and me, right now I just cannot actively consider suicide, because I absolutely cannot do this while my mom and my dogs are alive. In the meantime, well, I try my best to deal with life, just like everyone really. Fortunately, not all days are filled with these thoughts.I've been running on fumes since early August, and I think the vehicle is about to sputter and roll to the side of the road.
Can someone please answer me this? Why do so many in the world expect, sometimes even demand empathy and help with what they are going through, yet give no empathy or concern back to others who are struggling when they could? Doesn't this seem one-sided or very selfish, have you seen this?
I'll suffer for you, you suffer for me and we'll share that heavy load. I'll be there for you in times of trouble when you aren't strong, and you'll do the same for me when it's my turn to fall. I'll always take your concerns seriously even if I have no solution, and you can come to me with any problem no matter how dark because that's what family should be. But I need you to do the same for me or it's not going to work.
Anything else I say right now is going to be acting on suicide related which isn't allowed so I'm just going to stop talking.
Can someone please answer me this? Why do so many in the world expect, sometimes even demand empathy and help with what they are going through, yet give no empathy or concern back to others who are struggling when they could? Doesn't this seem one-sided or very selfish, have you seen this?
I'll suffer for you, you suffer for me and we'll share that heavy load. I'll be there for you in times of trouble when you aren't strong, and you'll do the same for me when it's my turn to fall. I'll always take your concerns seriously even if I have no solution, and you can come to me with any problem no matter how dark because that's what family should be. But I need you to do the same for me or it's not going to work.
Anything else I say right now is going to be acting on suicide related which isn't allowed so I'm just going to stop talking.
