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Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?
- Thread starter Petal
- Start date
I've been contemplating on doing it. I researched and found out my plan was stupid and searched for more ways.
I'm so confused right now as to why I'm here. I'm not sure if a part of me wants help. A part of me still wants that exit. What a normal day at work tomorrow will probably be full of stress again.
I'm so confused right now as to why I'm here. I'm not sure if a part of me wants help. A part of me still wants that exit. What a normal day at work tomorrow will probably be full of stress again.
Yes. Specifically in need to give myself my just desserts for having neglected and holed up through the vast majority of 'time' in this life-attempt-opportunity instead of actually pushing myself to change something, help at all, or be human.
I feel like killing myself (though I don't know how) would be me executing a belated duty. A duty I don't touch yet, both for the typical reason of fear of pain and death, and because other obligations, obtuse ones mostly, obstruct it. Mom and sister have told me that if I were to die it would break them- especially if it was by my own hand- and my dad outright had a panic attack when I even began to bring it up.
More secularly, they need money help, and I bring in some money with my job at the deli.
I feel like killing myself (though I don't know how) would be me executing a belated duty. A duty I don't touch yet, both for the typical reason of fear of pain and death, and because other obligations, obtuse ones mostly, obstruct it. Mom and sister have told me that if I were to die it would break them- especially if it was by my own hand- and my dad outright had a panic attack when I even began to bring it up.
More secularly, they need money help, and I bring in some money with my job at the deli.
special for you if you want them Angie.
The thoughts are there. It's not just the usual thoughts though. It's detailed review of all my poor decisions that led up to the situation I'm in, and what that means about me as a person. Namely, that I'm useless, hopeless, and simultaneously to blame for everything bad that happens while also being hopelessly ineffectual. In short, "everything's fcked, it's all my fault, and there's nothing I can do about it."
Still, it's all just thoughts. From the most banal to the most degenerate, and all the way up to the most praiseworthy thoughts - none have any substance. What matters is what I do and how I treat people.
Still, it's all just thoughts. From the most banal to the most degenerate, and all the way up to the most praiseworthy thoughts - none have any substance. What matters is what I do and how I treat people.
YES!
Things I do that I want to satisfy a craving or fulfill a self-promise. I try them, but a worse problem emerges.
Then I finally do indulge. Am I suddenly better? Do things seem right now? NO! I'm still the same slob. I'm still as guilty. If I am being stalked, I'm not being stalked any less than I was before I did the make-up indulgence appointment. My homework is no further along than before I left for the first try today.
What was the point!?
Things I do that I want to satisfy a craving or fulfill a self-promise. I try them, but a worse problem emerges.
Then I finally do indulge. Am I suddenly better? Do things seem right now? NO! I'm still the same slob. I'm still as guilty. If I am being stalked, I'm not being stalked any less than I was before I did the make-up indulgence appointment. My homework is no further along than before I left for the first try today.
What was the point!?