The flashbacks of my assault are consuming me

[Justatiredsoul]

i don't know where to start
I've never talked about it only
To report it
I can't ... tell them ,anyone close.
I feel like I should just keep it to
Myself, which is impossible because
Physically I'm still hurt and I can't contro
These flashbacks they say there's triggers
It's on repeat in my head.
I was weak ..i trusted people easily
I didn't think that two people I considered friends would do what they did.
My friend tried to hug me today I lost control of my emotions I started shaking
And crying and I made her feel so bad..
I tried to tell her what happened and I couldn't do it. I feel so pathetic.. I don't know why I'm even typing this right now
Just doing this makes me shake and cry
I just feel scared and discusting angry..
Depressed anxious.. sorry for this long
Post

 

[Sunspots]

Hi @Justatiredsoul

It DOES get easier, I promise you. I know it doesn't feel like it will at the moment but it does. Please try to tell someone close to you that you trust. It will really help having someone close that you can lean on in the coming weeks and months.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk xx

 

[Fudgewobble]

So sorry you have suffered this way. It is unfair and wrong. Stay here with us so we can wrap you in love. X

 

[Shush]

I am so sorry that happened to you.
Please know that what happened to you was not your fault. Not at all. The only people to blame are the ones who hurt you. It does not matter what you said or did, nothing gives another person the right to hurt you.

I know this may not help much yet, but please know that there is nothing wrong with you, you are not weak or pathetic. You are having very normal reactions to trauma. It is scary and painful to re-live your assault. But there is help. Counseling can help you to process the trauma. Please try to be gentle with yourself and reach out for help. You will get through this, but you don't need to do it alone.

Hugs
Mel

 

[Justatiredsoul]

So sorry you have suffered this way. It is unfair and wrong. Stay here with us so we can wrap you in love. X

I keep pretending I'm okay
Having thissupport when I'm isolating myself from the outside world means allot..
Thankyou for the advice and love
I'm just tired and tired of feeling scared ...

 

[Justatiredsoul]

Hi @Justatiredsoul

It DOES get easier, I promise you. I know it doesn't feel like it will at the moment but it does. Please try to tell someone close to you that you trust. It will really help having someone close that you can lean on in the coming weeks and months.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk xx

Thankyou lula you are right about having someone to lean on , I thought lying to the ppl I care about was better saying I was mugged hiding the damage that's been done and right now all I want to do is ask for company and help ...

 

[Fudgewobble]

Please don't keep this to yourself. Those who love you want to support you too. We can do only so much and when there's nothing else, we can be there all the way with you, but your family and friends can comfort you in real time. Let them do that.

 

[Justatiredsoul]

I am so sorry that happened to you.
Please know that what happened to you was not your fault. Not at all. The only people to blame are the ones who hurt you. It does not matter what you said or did, nothing gives another person the right to hurt you.

I know this may not help much yet, but please know that there is nothing wrong with you, you are not weak or pathetic. You are having very normal reactions to trauma. It is scary and painful to re-live your assault. But there is help. Counseling can help you to process the trauma. Please try to be gentle with yourself and reach out for help. You will get through this, but you don't need to do it alone.

Hugs
Mel

Thankyou Mel I just re read your advice
Life's been a blur lately but today I am
Seeking out counselling... I have not left the house much but I'm going to try to go daily
it is good advice
And do wish I did it earlier,but better late than never. I appreciate
Your support and hope you are well -s*

 

[Justatiredsoul]

Please don't keep this to yourself. Those who love you want to support you too. We can do only so much and when there's nothing else, we can be there all the way with you, but your family and friends can comfort you in real time. Let them do that.

You're very right... it's taken a while but today
I finally told a close family member not just what happened but how I feel mentally and How I've been self destructive because I had pushed my loved ones away and was very lonely now I try to call them if I'm in a state.
Very Grateful for the support and advice I've been given on here too

 

[Fudgewobble]

What progress you've made! That took a lot of courage and I'm really happy for you that you can share some of the burden in what you are going through. Well done and please keep posting when you need to. X

 

[Shush]

You are doing a fabulous job taking care of yourself. I am so glad you are letting people in to help you. Please keep reaching out.
I am here for you if you need support.
Hugs
Mel

 

[Petal]

Hi there, I am glad you are taking the route of going into counseling. I think that is what will help you and that is for the best. I too get flashbacks, they can be very distressing and painful emotionally. You have our support fully and I know it's easy to block yourself from the outside world but right now you need to face it head on and show the world what you're made of ((hugs)) and please stay safe and keep us updated.

 

[Justatiredsoul]

Hi there, I am glad you are taking the route of going into counseling. I think that is what will help you and that is for the best. I too get flashbacks, they can be very distressing and painful emotionally. You have our support fully and I know it's easy to block yourself from the outside world but right now you need to face it head on and show the world what you're made of ((hugs)) and please stay safe and keep us updated.

Thankyou petal for your advice.. it is very easy to block the outside world away I'm trying not to , lots of healing hugs your way