Today is a multi 'Fuck You' day.
Fuck you to still feeling suicidal constantly ten years after one major attempt, and on the upcoming six year anniversary of another. I want my turnaround where I say, "Remember when I used to feel..." or let me end naturally and peacefully if I'm never going to achieve that.
Fuck you to taking away this year the one thing that was actually helping me cope, and the new problems that have surfaced leaving me horrified of how I'm going to deal with them in the new year.
Fuck you to the fact there's a set of shitty consequences for avoiding the doctor/healthcare system, and a set of shitty consequences for not.
Fuck you to the fact I'm soon probably going to have to watch my older sister, who is one of two IRL people I care about in the world and who care about me, lose her battle to a crappy disease she's been dealing with most of her life.
And, fuck you for making me numb to things no one in this world should have to become numb to, just to shut off the horror temporarily and get through the day.
Fuck you to still feeling suicidal constantly ten years after one major attempt, and on the upcoming six year anniversary of another. I want my turnaround where I say, "Remember when I used to feel..." or let me end naturally and peacefully if I'm never going to achieve that.
Fuck you to taking away this year the one thing that was actually helping me cope, and the new problems that have surfaced leaving me horrified of how I'm going to deal with them in the new year.
Fuck you to the fact there's a set of shitty consequences for avoiding the doctor/healthcare system, and a set of shitty consequences for not.
Fuck you to the fact I'm soon probably going to have to watch my older sister, who is one of two IRL people I care about in the world and who care about me, lose her battle to a crappy disease she's been dealing with most of her life.
And, fuck you for making me numb to things no one in this world should have to become numb to, just to shut off the horror temporarily and get through the day.