Very angry

[ib4uib]

Maybe you're right about all of this. But you know....I'm just tired. I'm tired of trying and I'm tired of hurting. So I'm just really done. Guess I'm not as strong as you assumed.

You're strong enough to keep feeling like this though.
Believe me that takes one hell of a lot of energy, maybe you can understand people that use this energy in the opposite way, how they can literally have absolutely anything they wish for because they use this energy in a positive way.
I don't know Elon Musk but he would be a very good example of this.

You're caught between a rock and a hard place, a bit like that film 127 hours, where the climber was literally stuck between rocks, in the end he cut his arm off.
You are not in a dissimilar place, it is still going to take the same mentality to cut yourself free.

I'll bet money that you could help a friend out if they was in any kind of trouble, I'm convinced you would cover every angle and cross every bridge rather than watch a friend suffer or be sad.
I pick that vibe up from you, you're not one for watching anybody suffer. You'd move hell or high water instead of watch a friend slip into the pit of despair.

I don't want to have this same conversation in 10 years time with you, cuz I'll just be saying the same things and so will you. But I don't want you to feel like shit either, you remind me of how I was. I did exactly what you are doing, and I'll tell you now mate, it will get you absolutely nowhere.

What I wouldn't want to see is you suddenly get it all when you're 70, then turn around and say to yourself why you couldn't see all this 30years ago, and feel like you've done nothing but waste your time!

 

[sadhart]

You're strong enough to keep feeling like this though.
Believe me that takes one hell of a lot of energy, maybe you can understand people that use this energy in the opposite way, how they can literally have absolutely anything they wish for because they use this energy in a positive way.
I don't know Elon Musk but he would be a very good example of this.

You're caught between a rock and a hard place, a bit like that film 127 hours, where the climber was literally stuck between rocks, in the end he cut his arm off.
You are not in a dissimilar place, it is still going to take the same mentality to cut yourself free.

I'll bet money that you could help a friend out if they was in any kind of trouble, I'm convinced you would cover every angle and cross every bridge rather than watch a friend suffer or be sad.
I pick that vibe up from you, you're not one for watching anybody suffer. You'd move hell or high water instead of watch a friend slip into the pit of despair.

I don't want to have this same conversation in 10 years time with you, cuz I'll just be saying the same things and so will you. But I don't want you to feel like shit either, you remind me of how I was. I did exactly what you are doing, and I'll tell you now mate, it will get you absolutely nowhere.

What I wouldn't want to see is you suddenly get it all when you're 70, then turn around and say to yourself why you couldn't see all this 30years ago, and feel like you've done nothing but waste your time!

You know what? You're right about everything. I'm never going to feel hurt or heartbroken or question my life ever again. You know what else? I'm never going to have even the slightest urge to drink ever again. Nothing in this world will ever bother me ever again.

 

[sadhart]

I understand you entirely. People have judged me in the past because im quiet and don't say alot.i don't know what to say tbh I'm always the one who people pick on because they see it as a weakness. It does my head in because I can't just change to be like everyone else

I'm sorry you have been treated this way. It is so demoralizing and unfair.

 

[sadhart]

I've noticed that it is so draining for us who hate ourselves.
i have to - a little bit - disagree with ib4uib when they said they could, "come over all false and be full of empathy...". It's not false when I say I say I am sorry you feel this way. And Because for some of us we are at leaat at the moment stuck in a place where there's a need for empathy. I mean some of us are so tired & worn that the only bright spots are those of recieving some empathy & understanding.

I'm sorry that you can empathize because it means you are hurting too. Just came from a video game store. Dumbass couple after dumbass couple asking dumbass questions and all I wanted with my inadequate self is a strategy guide for a game over twenty years ago to go into my game collection because that is all I really got. I'm sorry for sounding so pathetic but today has been a shit day along with the start of what I'm sure will be another shit week.

 

[alchemist]

Yeah, well, there lies the problem in that I hate everything about myself. So I guess I'm just sol.

there's someone out there who loves everything about you, but you have to do what you can to help yourself to.
if home life gave you that poor self image, then that's the fault of the people who raised you, not you.
work hard at yourself. what do you have to lose?

 

[ib4uib]

I think that people sometimes say things without realizing how it sounds/could sound to someone; or they are truly insensitive, selfish clods and don’t care, or they say things with no intention of hurting anyone, and don’t realize that their words or tone did, in fact hurt someone. The ones I try to avoid are the people I have seen be intentionally mean to others…without the others giving them any reason to be hurtful. Sometimes, people “retaliate,” but I don’t think that is the case with the people in our discussion, here. We might be seen as being quiet or strong and so there are unfortunately people in the world who pounce on differences and make others feel bad for it. The “mind reading” thing — I guess the solution to that is to ask the person directly (but maybe in private?) or to ask someone we are close to who is there, what they think was meant.

@sadhart — you are always so polite and sensitive to others here. You consider how your own situation might be making others feel. That is a trait that speaks of a generous and kind spirit. I’m thankful you are here and that you bring that to us.

@tryagain — It is unfortunate that some people “read” quiet as not interested in joining in, as “stand offish.” I’m glad you know it‘s them and not really you, even though it’s been invalidating at times.

@Innocent Forever — yes, values can differ from place to place. As a quieter person, I like the intimacy of a one-to-one convo. But I also enjoy being drawn out, stretching my comfort zone. I can be clown around people I know and trust and yet I’m probably a quiet clown.

@alchemist — I’m sorry you feel badly being introverted. It can have its tough moments, I know. And holidays can be particularly stressful — sometimes more people we have to be around and therefore a bigger sense that we need to be more outgoing. Some people even try to draw us out in a big booming way in a crowd (OK, that’s been ”my” experience…maybe not everyone’s) but it can be hard.

@may71 — you always provide some calm in the storm. When you post, I feel like I have a big brother who wants to look out for me.

@Lady Wolfshead, you are honest and straightforward. If you are concerned or upset or enjoying things, we know because you don’t play games, you just say things as you understand and feel them to be.

@seabird you are a kind person, too. A big heart and good sense. I enjoy reading your replies to people. You care.

@ib4uib —You also seem to be an honest soul. If I might say, I hope that we can move on from this topic within 10 years — either because we are more comfortable with ourselves, or because we’ve been able to stretch ourselves. People can grow and stretch when they are given the right tools and spaces to do so.

Sadhart, most real adults — not the ones who are adult age with adolescent mentalities — actually do accept that both introverts and extroverts bring their own special abilities to the table. I think there are some extroverts (and maybe even some extrovert-introvert mixes) out there, who feel quieter people aren’t putting out enough energy to fill their energy needs. Their unconscious body language or verbal language choices or tone of voice sound harsher then, but they probably don’t even realize it or why it’s happening deep in their subconscious…looking to feed a basic need for them. As a quieter person, I find that feels like criticism sometimes… “Ooooooh, I should say something… I need to speak up or I might as well be invisible. Yeah…Maybe I’ll just go home, now…like right now.” The secret, I think, is that we need to love ourselves whether we are outgoing or quiet.

So Sadhart, love yourself for being you. No one else can be you as well as you do you. You are the expert you. I like you the way you are. If you want to stretch or grow or change, then I’ll support you in that. If you are fine being quieter, I’ll be with you on that. Just be you. You are a very special and considerate person. Those are good qualities that not everyone has.

Well that's the first year already passed @Acy, the next 9 will pass equally as fast. I guess this thread has been long forgotten by now, but the topic is equally as active as it was back when this thread was at the top of the forums.
And that's kind of my point here, this thread is just over one years old, and people that followed it back then might find nothing at all has changed, and there's every chance I'll be posting on this thread every year saying the same thing.
Until you start challenging these forces of the mind, then nothing will ever change, what I'm trying to say in my blabbering way is, if you are totally convinced you are a failure, and believe this to be 100 per cent true, then you will never find anything around you changes.

How could it in these circumstances, no drug or alcoholic drink is ever going to convince you of anything other, neither will therapy convince you you're worth anything. Only the person suffering has the magic key within.
And I totally get how everybody would rather be dead than live in the mental pain that is attached, and people do go over the edge with this stuff and end it all. But I'm not convinced it is then ended, If you watch a film called '

you'll kind of get where I'm coming from.

It's true people can cause other peoples suffering, and this suffering might of started years and years ago, so much so that the person that caused your suffering, has totally forgotten that they caused it.
A bit like how this thread has been forgotten, it's the same sort of thing.

It's letting go of this trauma which is the ticket out, and doing the same thing every day and expecting a different result is not going to set you free.
Challenging these thought by excepting you are worth it is the start of the climb out of the pit!

 

[Survivorist]

Well, everybody is talking too much. It took me 2 years to speak, 8 to read and write but 60 years to start to listen. So what is wrong with being quiet? I do not understand. Most of what people say is so useless, hurting, unnecessary... People who talk too much are in politics - and all is a lie. I rather prefer to walk alone in nature and talk to myself - or just be quiet and enjoy. I think you should stop suffering. I live alone, I am in a foreign country, my language knowledge is still growing, I am completely isolated. You know what? I like it.
To cheer you up a little - here someone who never talks: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=tape+face+agt

 

[sadhart]

Well, everybody is talking too much. It took me 2 years to speak, 8 to read and write but 60 years to start to listen. So what is wrong with being quiet? I do not understand. Most of what people say is so useless, hurting, unnecessary... People who talk too much are in politics - and all is a lie. I rather prefer to walk alone in nature and talk to myself - or just be quiet and enjoy. I think you should stop suffering. I live alone, I am in a foreign country, my language knowledge is still growing, I am completely isolated. You know what? I like it.
To cheer you up a little - here someone who never talks: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=tape+face+agt

I like solitude for the most part. It's just being reminded of missing out on certain social things that hurts. Like seeing someone I like but the painful realization that they have a boyfriend. That just hurts for whatever reason.

 

[ib4uib]

I get annoyed if I see a couple cuddling and kissing etc, I'll think there isn't a need to carry on like that in public, keep it indoors...
But that rarely happens and I've only seen it on beaches when I've been on holiday.

Otherwise I'm happy for anybody that is a couple, I don't get jealous in any way.

I spoke to a couple on a bench last year, they were fussing over the dog I was walking, and I kept bumping into them for a few months afterwards.
They always appeared close and obviously very much in love, holding hands and 9 times out of ten laughing and smiling.

Then one day the girl was sat there all on her own, I asked her where the boyfriend was and she burst into tears. He had cleared off.

So what looked good for a few months, suddenly wasn't, and I've never seen the both of them since.

Nothing is set in concrete, the thought of having a partner and being all close and stuff isn't the fix, and thinking everybody is all hunky dory is just more ammo to beat yourself up with!