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Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.
- Thread starter Unknown_111
- Start date
Over the past couple of days I have gone through a "sea of emotion" where one minute I am very up with my feelings and the next minute like one of tormentors says I feel like "dogshit". I might have hit an all time low but I am determined to live life. Over the past twelve months several tormentors have to bear responsibility in making my life hell but yet I bear no malice.
I want the whole world to know how much I suffered at the hands of these individuals. Some may question my mental state but where I gone to and come back from shows that I have the strength to face my future. Verbal torment is more mentally damaging than physical cruelty.
I will never forget what I have been through and the aftermath of the emotional damage that I have been left with. Yes, these tormentors might lead their own happy lives but their words stated mentally cruificed me everyday. To some of these tormentors you have to realise the damaging effect you had on me.
The damaging effect has made a strong character now and every day I live in the future. One day I will face up to my "real issues" so these tormentors can continue to destroy my mental state and credibility. It's no different to any other day but I will continue to follow the feelings of my heart.
Even though I am suffering a severe injury, I will fully recover from this to shine as an example that the "final committment" is not the answer.
My story will continue, I promise...
I want the whole world to know how much I suffered at the hands of these individuals. Some may question my mental state but where I gone to and come back from shows that I have the strength to face my future. Verbal torment is more mentally damaging than physical cruelty.
I will never forget what I have been through and the aftermath of the emotional damage that I have been left with. Yes, these tormentors might lead their own happy lives but their words stated mentally cruificed me everyday. To some of these tormentors you have to realise the damaging effect you had on me.
The damaging effect has made a strong character now and every day I live in the future. One day I will face up to my "real issues" so these tormentors can continue to destroy my mental state and credibility. It's no different to any other day but I will continue to follow the feelings of my heart.
Even though I am suffering a severe injury, I will fully recover from this to shine as an example that the "final committment" is not the answer.
My story will continue, I promise...
My broken ankle is recovering and this is going to take some time to recover. I broke down several times during the recovery. My mental state is breaking down under so much pressure but the forum keeps me going on a daily basis.
Very time I look in the mirror all I see is the grim reaper behind me telling me to follow him to hell with his finger pointing at me. My state of mind is very worried as I continue to survive on a say by day basis.
Also, as described before I grip on the mountain of life my only two fingers now. The daily struggle is hard in that ankle is healing and now suffering from chronic back ache. I am determined to do this impossible promise. To my haters, continue to laugh at my mental and physical demise. If you think, I will failure then continue to wish me death or any punishment.
My determination and personal self-hate will push he through to strive to do this impossible promise. The elastic band stops me from doing self-harm on my skin but underneath my flesh the emotional SH is immense. I realise I have lost the most precious things in my life (Hint: Kissle-Whistle) which itself is something I will suffer from everyday of my life. It hurts so much but I will never loose my life.
I am so determined not to lose my life as I gave been through so much. I want everyone to read my personal thoughts as they realise what I have gone through for the third-party. I neatly took my life two years ago but when you reach rock bottom, you have no choice but come out strong to fight for your life.
I want to share my experience to the masses and to show them that the "final committment" is not the answer. The mental and physical cruelty I put myself through must show much I am remorseful. What else can I do to say sorry unless it means me taking my own life. If it means me taking my life, then so be it.
At least everyone will read my story and they will realise how much I suffered without taking any revenge. Life is not about revenge but compassion.
I promise my story will continue. Folks, I feel your and my pain but please choose life......
Very time I look in the mirror all I see is the grim reaper behind me telling me to follow him to hell with his finger pointing at me. My state of mind is very worried as I continue to survive on a say by day basis.
Also, as described before I grip on the mountain of life my only two fingers now. The daily struggle is hard in that ankle is healing and now suffering from chronic back ache. I am determined to do this impossible promise. To my haters, continue to laugh at my mental and physical demise. If you think, I will failure then continue to wish me death or any punishment.
My determination and personal self-hate will push he through to strive to do this impossible promise. The elastic band stops me from doing self-harm on my skin but underneath my flesh the emotional SH is immense. I realise I have lost the most precious things in my life (Hint: Kissle-Whistle) which itself is something I will suffer from everyday of my life. It hurts so much but I will never loose my life.
I am so determined not to lose my life as I gave been through so much. I want everyone to read my personal thoughts as they realise what I have gone through for the third-party. I neatly took my life two years ago but when you reach rock bottom, you have no choice but come out strong to fight for your life.
I want to share my experience to the masses and to show them that the "final committment" is not the answer. The mental and physical cruelty I put myself through must show much I am remorseful. What else can I do to say sorry unless it means me taking my own life. If it means me taking my life, then so be it.
At least everyone will read my story and they will realise how much I suffered without taking any revenge. Life is not about revenge but compassion.
I promise my story will continue. Folks, I feel your and my pain but please choose life......
Thank you, but my mental state is in a very terrible at the moment. Im trying my hardest to stay strong but sometimes you feel like giving up. I am surviving on a day by day basis. This forum keeps me alive and that's why I give so much back. I would not be alive today if it was not for support of this forum everyday. I so down but helping others here gives me a purpose. Like I say on several "life is about compassion and caring". Nothing else matters but life...!!!
Thank you @Brian777 for the continued support. Much appreciated.
Thank you @Brian777 for the continued support. Much appreciated.
I am compelled to write today as I am trying to move but I cannot. The mental strain is immense but I am determined to live each day but I now I cannot without saying sorry to the third party. My life was destroyed two years but I am still here to share my story. People may class me as scum which is fine but I know deep down I need to apologise for the hurt I caused to the third party.
Not many will believe but I am truly remorseful as I cry every time I realise the hurt I caused. I was told to do the "the promise" which I succeeded under the greatest immense pain. I hope these passages will mean something as I gave struggle through each day knowing the pain I caused. This "third party" can laugh at my expense but I hope they realise I feel the hurt everyday but also they must realise I will never be the same person. As I try to rebuild my life over the past two years, I take responsibility seriously but the third party has also need to understand I achieved the original promise without malice. I did not take any revenge but will take this unroll pain to hell where I am destined to go to whenever that is.
I share my story here as an example to others when you hit rock bottom in your life, YOU have no choice but to get up and FIGHT EVERYDAY TO LIVE. I hope everyone will realise the mental abuse I suffered was nothing no one else could suffer. I know one thing this site saved my life and it still continues to do so everyday. I hope this story is translated in every language and shows that to everyone that the "final committment" is not the answer. If I have saved one life on this forum then my role as "forum buddy" has been worthwhile.
I cry everyday and deservedly so for the hurt I caused to the third party. By me writing these feelings shows me that I achieved a lot over the two years and will continue to do on a day by day basis.
Whatever you struggle, please let me embrace your pain as I suffer everyday until I am condemned to hell. My hell will be a lifetime but I will live each day knowing I caused and will be remorseful everyday of my life. The question in your life YOU NEED TO ASK IS WHERE IS THE COMPASSION RATHER THAN TRYING DOING OUT EACH OTHER. LIFE IS ABOUT COMPASSION AND CARING FOR OTHERS.
I cry now but others will think the tears mean nothing but YOU ARE TRULY WRONG. Each tear I shed is for everyone who comes to the SF FAMILY for care and compassion.
My story will continue...... I promise......
Not many will believe but I am truly remorseful as I cry every time I realise the hurt I caused. I was told to do the "the promise" which I succeeded under the greatest immense pain. I hope these passages will mean something as I gave struggle through each day knowing the pain I caused. This "third party" can laugh at my expense but I hope they realise I feel the hurt everyday but also they must realise I will never be the same person. As I try to rebuild my life over the past two years, I take responsibility seriously but the third party has also need to understand I achieved the original promise without malice. I did not take any revenge but will take this unroll pain to hell where I am destined to go to whenever that is.
I share my story here as an example to others when you hit rock bottom in your life, YOU have no choice but to get up and FIGHT EVERYDAY TO LIVE. I hope everyone will realise the mental abuse I suffered was nothing no one else could suffer. I know one thing this site saved my life and it still continues to do so everyday. I hope this story is translated in every language and shows that to everyone that the "final committment" is not the answer. If I have saved one life on this forum then my role as "forum buddy" has been worthwhile.
I cry everyday and deservedly so for the hurt I caused to the third party. By me writing these feelings shows me that I achieved a lot over the two years and will continue to do on a day by day basis.
Whatever you struggle, please let me embrace your pain as I suffer everyday until I am condemned to hell. My hell will be a lifetime but I will live each day knowing I caused and will be remorseful everyday of my life. The question in your life YOU NEED TO ASK IS WHERE IS THE COMPASSION RATHER THAN TRYING DOING OUT EACH OTHER. LIFE IS ABOUT COMPASSION AND CARING FOR OTHERS.
I cry now but others will think the tears mean nothing but YOU ARE TRULY WRONG. Each tear I shed is for everyone who comes to the SF FAMILY for care and compassion.
My story will continue...... I promise......
Thank You for your support. I'm struggling again but I feel it might be a second bout of PTSD I am about to suffer.
My mental state is fragile but again I have metaphorically need to bang the floor with my hands on the floor as the next eighteen months are going to be hard but with the support of the forum I have no choice but to survive on a daily basis. I want others to read and realise the suffering I am going through and I want my tormentors to realise that I have the strength to survive anything that is thrown at me.
I feel that I have been thrown to the lions but I survive everyday and to me it's a test of my personal character. I self-loathe myself that much but I will survive as this forum keeps me going everyday. With the help of this forum and others, I have self-medicated myself back. No one I don't think couldn't endure the pressure that I have been through and I want the masses to read these passages to realise the pain I suffered.
Mental abuse is not nice in any form and others have to realise I still pay a heavy price every day of my life. I hope when the public read my thoughts that I am treated with the contempt I deserve and at least my death has had some meaning to others now and in the near future.
My story will continue, I promise YOU that....
My mental state is fragile but again I have metaphorically need to bang the floor with my hands on the floor as the next eighteen months are going to be hard but with the support of the forum I have no choice but to survive on a daily basis. I want others to read and realise the suffering I am going through and I want my tormentors to realise that I have the strength to survive anything that is thrown at me.
I feel that I have been thrown to the lions but I survive everyday and to me it's a test of my personal character. I self-loathe myself that much but I will survive as this forum keeps me going everyday. With the help of this forum and others, I have self-medicated myself back. No one I don't think couldn't endure the pressure that I have been through and I want the masses to read these passages to realise the pain I suffered.
Mental abuse is not nice in any form and others have to realise I still pay a heavy price every day of my life. I hope when the public read my thoughts that I am treated with the contempt I deserve and at least my death has had some meaning to others now and in the near future.
My story will continue, I promise YOU that....
I compelled to write this afternoon as I broke down again not for me but for the third party. It's nearly three years but ask myself why I cannot move on. After a lot of thinking, the only reason I can come up with is that I simply care too much for the hurt I caused this third party. If I lock my memory away, I still end up crying and breaking down. It's like a baseball game and that I cannot reach first base. There is no physical but more mental pain. Anything triggers me off to a flood of tears. If I have a flood of tears, surely that shows how remorseful I am but I have to remain strong in the so-called "big nasty world".
People will mock me for such behaviour but to me it shows how sorry I am. I think the crying helps to come to terms that I cannot never say sorry but just write it down and read it back to myself whilst I to reconcile with my thoughts. I still hang on to life by this two fingers but what choice do I have. I live on a day by day basis for the rest of life not planning for the future as I know I no future. The only way I survive is through this amazing SF family. Thank SF for letting me tell my story and keeping me alive.
Too me that LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT AND THE RICHNESS IS NOT ABOUT MONEY BUT WHAT'S IN THE HEART. I know when my natural death happens I will have left this legacy. Even if I end doing something stupid others will read my thoughts and if it changes one person's mind from doing the ultimate sacrifice then I have done some good in life.
It's like the old joke which goes. "What's happened when chicken crossed the road?"
ANSWER IS. " ITS STILL ALIVE."
We all travel our own road in life but as we keep walking it and never veer off, then we will can be alive whatever our situation. SO PLEASE CHOOSE LIFE...!!!
People will mock me for such behaviour but to me it shows how sorry I am. I think the crying helps to come to terms that I cannot never say sorry but just write it down and read it back to myself whilst I to reconcile with my thoughts. I still hang on to life by this two fingers but what choice do I have. I live on a day by day basis for the rest of life not planning for the future as I know I no future. The only way I survive is through this amazing SF family. Thank SF for letting me tell my story and keeping me alive.
Too me that LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT AND THE RICHNESS IS NOT ABOUT MONEY BUT WHAT'S IN THE HEART. I know when my natural death happens I will have left this legacy. Even if I end doing something stupid others will read my thoughts and if it changes one person's mind from doing the ultimate sacrifice then I have done some good in life.
It's like the old joke which goes. "What's happened when chicken crossed the road?"
ANSWER IS. " ITS STILL ALIVE."
We all travel our own road in life but as we keep walking it and never veer off, then we will can be alive whatever our situation. SO PLEASE CHOOSE LIFE...!!!
I am so down today that I placed another $200 dollars for the compensation fund that is going pay for the emotional distraught I caused. I use to be a materialistic person but now I think the most important thing is life. If I end penniless and homeless then so be it as that's what I truly deserve. As one of my main tormentors kept reminding me this year by calling me "dogshit". If the name fits then that's how I should feel like everyday switch I deserve.
I hope this tormentor is proud but remember you made my life hell everyday. Every time you got a chance, you levied every type of personal criticism. If you hate me that much, just be straight with me. I suffered a lot of mental abuse whilst I try to live each day as "normal" as I can. I have no choice but try to live each day in hell. Too many people they would consider this what I deserve. Too be funny, I am in total agreement. I hope when the "trolls" come out like the "SuperTroll" character they realise they are no different to me. But at least I am trying make up the wrong I did in fastest time I can do it before I enter the "gates of hell". I still recall the online hate campaign that was origstrated back in 2014 which nearly caused me to do something stupid. I recall, I only got saved by speaking to a helpline where the person talked me down. I am so scared of life now, I just go on and on as I feel my nightmare will never end. It will only end in me doing something stupid but this site continues to save my life everyday.
So folks, with me living on a day by day basis by clinging on to this mountain of life by two fingers. Then, based on realtime, experience YOU CAN FIND THE STRENGTH TO HANG IN THERE. I AM PLEADING WITH YOU, PLEASE REFRAME FROM ANY ACTION AND TRY TO LIVE LIFE EVEN IF IT MEANS ON A DAY BY DAY BASIS. IF IM STILL HERE IN REALTIME, THEN YOU SHOULD FOLLOW MY EXAMPLE.
I PLEAD FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, PLEASE CHOOSE LIFE....!!!!
Thank you reading this post, I promise my story will continue....
I hope this tormentor is proud but remember you made my life hell everyday. Every time you got a chance, you levied every type of personal criticism. If you hate me that much, just be straight with me. I suffered a lot of mental abuse whilst I try to live each day as "normal" as I can. I have no choice but try to live each day in hell. Too many people they would consider this what I deserve. Too be funny, I am in total agreement. I hope when the "trolls" come out like the "SuperTroll" character they realise they are no different to me. But at least I am trying make up the wrong I did in fastest time I can do it before I enter the "gates of hell". I still recall the online hate campaign that was origstrated back in 2014 which nearly caused me to do something stupid. I recall, I only got saved by speaking to a helpline where the person talked me down. I am so scared of life now, I just go on and on as I feel my nightmare will never end. It will only end in me doing something stupid but this site continues to save my life everyday.
So folks, with me living on a day by day basis by clinging on to this mountain of life by two fingers. Then, based on realtime, experience YOU CAN FIND THE STRENGTH TO HANG IN THERE. I AM PLEADING WITH YOU, PLEASE REFRAME FROM ANY ACTION AND TRY TO LIVE LIFE EVEN IF IT MEANS ON A DAY BY DAY BASIS. IF IM STILL HERE IN REALTIME, THEN YOU SHOULD FOLLOW MY EXAMPLE.
I PLEAD FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, PLEASE CHOOSE LIFE....!!!!
Thank you reading this post, I promise my story will continue....
I need to write again as I am mentally struggling at the moment. I now realise how much I hurt the "third party" and how much "trust" this person had in me. I admit I did wrong but remember (assuming YOU are reading this) I completed the "original promise" because I always keep my word. As I have already been judged by a lot of people and my sentence has been decided to enter the "GATES OF HELL". I hope the masses will read this and realise when you hit rock bottom, YOU HAVE TO BE COURAGEOUS AND DIG DEEP TO FIGHT FOR LIFE.
To my tormentors, I hope you realise how much torment YOU caused me everyday of my life. Yes, I may be "butt of your jokes" as I am an easy target but remember others will be reading these words and remind you everyday of your life as it caused to have a complete mental breakdown. You must realise that mocking others can leave one with long term mental scares. The scares I carry shows me that I have the strength to continue to battle with living my life. Yes, everyday is another battle but when you reach rock bottom, YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT BATTLE AWAY EACH DAY.
It's ironic how the my life is in the hands of one person and now that's what I call karma. I will never break the trust and bond that I had with the "third party" as I have lost my soul to this person. I might walk this earth "soulless" with the other "day walkers" to the "gates of hell" which I truly deserve to but remember what I have been through but I will never do the "final committment". I realise that I caused this person so much pain and I hope when the "trolls" come out to character assassinate me. All of you "trolls" are no different to what I was. I might be classed as "scum" or even "dogshit" but I kept my word. To the three main tormentors, I hope YOU CAN LIVE WITH YOURSELF EVERYDAY OF YOUR LIFE. Yes, laugh and judge me but I want others to read how much YOU BETRAYED ME. Like they say "KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE, BUT KEEP YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER". I hope the "blood money" you make from my demise brings YOU WEALTH AND HAPPINESS. But remember thousands of people will read these personal thoughts of mine and will JUDGE YOU AS WELL AS YOU HAVE CONDEMNED ME EVETYDAY. So in my books, there is no difference to me as YOU. I will not reveal the identities of these tormentors but whose laughing now........
To my tormentors, I hope you realise how much torment YOU caused me everyday of my life. Yes, I may be "butt of your jokes" as I am an easy target but remember others will be reading these words and remind you everyday of your life as it caused to have a complete mental breakdown. You must realise that mocking others can leave one with long term mental scares. The scares I carry shows me that I have the strength to continue to battle with living my life. Yes, everyday is another battle but when you reach rock bottom, YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT BATTLE AWAY EACH DAY.
It's ironic how the my life is in the hands of one person and now that's what I call karma. I will never break the trust and bond that I had with the "third party" as I have lost my soul to this person. I might walk this earth "soulless" with the other "day walkers" to the "gates of hell" which I truly deserve to but remember what I have been through but I will never do the "final committment". I realise that I caused this person so much pain and I hope when the "trolls" come out to character assassinate me. All of you "trolls" are no different to what I was. I might be classed as "scum" or even "dogshit" but I kept my word. To the three main tormentors, I hope YOU CAN LIVE WITH YOURSELF EVERYDAY OF YOUR LIFE. Yes, laugh and judge me but I want others to read how much YOU BETRAYED ME. Like they say "KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE, BUT KEEP YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER". I hope the "blood money" you make from my demise brings YOU WEALTH AND HAPPINESS. But remember thousands of people will read these personal thoughts of mine and will JUDGE YOU AS WELL AS YOU HAVE CONDEMNED ME EVETYDAY. So in my books, there is no difference to me as YOU. I will not reveal the identities of these tormentors but whose laughing now........
Again, I am compelled to write again as in my mind many people want me to see to be a failure in my personal and working environment. These tormentors will deny all knowledge of their actions but they know what they were doing in destroying my reputation and credability. People from many walks of life make stupid mistakes and I have recognised my mistakes. Yes, I admit I made a lot of mistakes but I am quickly learning to make up for them now using this forum.
The "third party" made me realise the mental abuse I suffered everyday and how individuals mocked me at my expense and I took this everyday for the past years. I have been very naive in my time. "Hands Up" I admit I made a mistake but at least I got a defined diagnosis which will no doubt be used against me in both environments. Life is about being "compassionate" and so called "FairPlay".
I learnt the hard way in my life, I have learned on several occasions when you hit rock bottom, you come out fighting even for the right for "life". Any form of bullying whether cyber or emotional is totally wrong in any essence. Jokes are jokes and banter is banter. Surely, I am right if you cannot take a joke then don't don't dish out the joke. How can you dish out jokes and mock others if you cannot take it. I might have lost a great friend as this person thinks they have the right to destroy my personal credibility.
At least, I am trying to make up for my past mistakes by using my time on this amazing forum in order to protect the ones I care about by helping others. To my tormentors, you to have made many mistakes in the past but if you cannot forgive me then fine but to me it's shows you are no different from me. I am having to fight for my life everyday since my mental breakdown. With what I was faced with I achieved the impossible. Of course many people will think this whole situation is very ludrious but I did it and helped others on my personal journey. I hope everyone reads this and realise that what I writing are my true feelings.
I might be classed as "scum" or "dogshit" as one person's keeps reminding me everyday in a hideous way. You can see the hatred of me in their eyes as this person openly admitted they wanted to see my financially broken. I don't really care if I am financially broken but I will fight for my right to live. The constant back stabbing by this person is unbelievable. This tormentor openly stated that they are trying to destroy me by using their so called "email audit". You gave yourself away, by constantly criticising me which YOU cannot deny. This may be "karma" and remember your so called buddy often criticised you over the years. Funny how the situation is turn round. Many people will read this and confirm this.
In many eyes, I am "scum" or "dogshit" but at least I trying to help others on this forum to see that "LIFE IS IMPORTANT AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS". I might become "homeless" and "penniless" but I give back as much as I can. I hope my death is swift and painless but I will leave a lasting legacy here on this forum. I was pushed to the breaking point in my life but without this forum, I have come back stronger and more determined to live my life.
The ironic of this situation is the "third party" help me a lot in recognising my faults that I was totally unaware off. They might think, I am seeking revenge but far from it. I find the whole situation not as violent or vindictive but an absolute comedy situation.
I laugh everyday knowing that I was "brain-washed" to do the "impossible promise" to prove my so-called "love" and "devotion". But they helped me to recognise that I was diagnosed with "OCD" and that explains a lot for my behaviour in the past.
I would simply like to say thank you for helping me but also breakdown to my knees crying for the duress I caused them. I might end up with nothing but I will feel the "hurt" everyday of my life for the third party.
Yes, many others might read and consider these as "lies" but they really my own feelings. When I read them back everyday it helps me trying to become a better person whilst trying correct my faults.
You have a lot of time to reflect when you have a broken ankle and recall many memories in the past. From my posting on this forum, you may have realised that I am a very analytical character in replying to any posting. I will never judge anyone but try to help others. Like when one of these tormentors was financially hurt, I offered to help them and to be honest they declined my help by saying no thank you.
I hope you folk forgive for my past mistakes by letting me help others here. I don't know how much long I have left but I will give back everyday. To my tormentors I hope you realised how much I suffered everyday of life at your pleasure and in your hands.
If I end doing the 'final committment" in anyway, then remember YOU played a major part in my death. Of course, you may think I deserve this but if these words are ever printed to the open masses then at least my death has served a purpose on this earth. These words will haunt YOU for everyday of your life and how much mental torture I suffered. Too me mentally bullying is far worse than physical bullying because no one can see the ever-lasting scares.
The scares of mentally bullying are in your memories and often life situations can trigger these off at anytime. In most cases, you collapse like a pack of decked cards but really it's down to YOU rebuild your own pack of cards.
I lived under the most immense pressure but on many occasions I wanted to do the "final committment" but the "third party" drives me not to. The ironic is that the "third party" spurs me on doing the impossible promise which I will try to do. Even though I might not achieve this target. The "third party" must realise you must never me "targets" as I am very much a "target" driven person and once someone tells to something, I will do it as I am very naive.
Of course, the "third party" will deny this "target" was set but I am prepared to do a lie detector test to prove this. You cannot lie on a "lie detector" and it's better than an "email audit". I don't know how long I can go on but I want everyone to read my thoughts. I might suffer everyday but when YOU reach rock bottom and everyone treats you like "dogshit" (my apologies for the swearing) but you start believing that.
I will give back to this site financially as much as I can as I continue to fight for "my right to live". Heh, I hope the trolls come out for my character assassination but they are no different to me. I want everyone to read these passages and realise what I was driven to in order to achieve the impossible target.
My ultimate goal is to make this forum the largest supportive community in the world for everyone in the world when they have no where else to turn to. This community is a very much inspiring and will continue to help others to see...
LIFE IS IMPORTANT AND THAT THE " FINAL COMMITTMENT" IS NOT THE ANSWER. PLEASE FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, FORGET ANY PLANS YOU HAVE AND LET ME TAKE ON YOUR PAIN IN ORDER TO GIVE ME STRENGTH ANF COURAGE TO DO THE IMPOSSIBLE PROMISE.
LET ME TAKE YOUR PAIN AWAY FROM YOU AS IT GIVES ME THE STRENGTH TO FIGHT ON EVERYDAY FOR MY LIFE..
I promise my story will continue........
The "third party" made me realise the mental abuse I suffered everyday and how individuals mocked me at my expense and I took this everyday for the past years. I have been very naive in my time. "Hands Up" I admit I made a mistake but at least I got a defined diagnosis which will no doubt be used against me in both environments. Life is about being "compassionate" and so called "FairPlay".
I learnt the hard way in my life, I have learned on several occasions when you hit rock bottom, you come out fighting even for the right for "life". Any form of bullying whether cyber or emotional is totally wrong in any essence. Jokes are jokes and banter is banter. Surely, I am right if you cannot take a joke then don't don't dish out the joke. How can you dish out jokes and mock others if you cannot take it. I might have lost a great friend as this person thinks they have the right to destroy my personal credibility.
At least, I am trying to make up for my past mistakes by using my time on this amazing forum in order to protect the ones I care about by helping others. To my tormentors, you to have made many mistakes in the past but if you cannot forgive me then fine but to me it's shows you are no different from me. I am having to fight for my life everyday since my mental breakdown. With what I was faced with I achieved the impossible. Of course many people will think this whole situation is very ludrious but I did it and helped others on my personal journey. I hope everyone reads this and realise that what I writing are my true feelings.
I might be classed as "scum" or "dogshit" as one person's keeps reminding me everyday in a hideous way. You can see the hatred of me in their eyes as this person openly admitted they wanted to see my financially broken. I don't really care if I am financially broken but I will fight for my right to live. The constant back stabbing by this person is unbelievable. This tormentor openly stated that they are trying to destroy me by using their so called "email audit". You gave yourself away, by constantly criticising me which YOU cannot deny. This may be "karma" and remember your so called buddy often criticised you over the years. Funny how the situation is turn round. Many people will read this and confirm this.
In many eyes, I am "scum" or "dogshit" but at least I trying to help others on this forum to see that "LIFE IS IMPORTANT AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS". I might become "homeless" and "penniless" but I give back as much as I can. I hope my death is swift and painless but I will leave a lasting legacy here on this forum. I was pushed to the breaking point in my life but without this forum, I have come back stronger and more determined to live my life.
The ironic of this situation is the "third party" help me a lot in recognising my faults that I was totally unaware off. They might think, I am seeking revenge but far from it. I find the whole situation not as violent or vindictive but an absolute comedy situation.
I laugh everyday knowing that I was "brain-washed" to do the "impossible promise" to prove my so-called "love" and "devotion". But they helped me to recognise that I was diagnosed with "OCD" and that explains a lot for my behaviour in the past.
I would simply like to say thank you for helping me but also breakdown to my knees crying for the duress I caused them. I might end up with nothing but I will feel the "hurt" everyday of my life for the third party.
Yes, many others might read and consider these as "lies" but they really my own feelings. When I read them back everyday it helps me trying to become a better person whilst trying correct my faults.
You have a lot of time to reflect when you have a broken ankle and recall many memories in the past. From my posting on this forum, you may have realised that I am a very analytical character in replying to any posting. I will never judge anyone but try to help others. Like when one of these tormentors was financially hurt, I offered to help them and to be honest they declined my help by saying no thank you.
I hope you folk forgive for my past mistakes by letting me help others here. I don't know how much long I have left but I will give back everyday. To my tormentors I hope you realised how much I suffered everyday of life at your pleasure and in your hands.
If I end doing the 'final committment" in anyway, then remember YOU played a major part in my death. Of course, you may think I deserve this but if these words are ever printed to the open masses then at least my death has served a purpose on this earth. These words will haunt YOU for everyday of your life and how much mental torture I suffered. Too me mentally bullying is far worse than physical bullying because no one can see the ever-lasting scares.
The scares of mentally bullying are in your memories and often life situations can trigger these off at anytime. In most cases, you collapse like a pack of decked cards but really it's down to YOU rebuild your own pack of cards.
I lived under the most immense pressure but on many occasions I wanted to do the "final committment" but the "third party" drives me not to. The ironic is that the "third party" spurs me on doing the impossible promise which I will try to do. Even though I might not achieve this target. The "third party" must realise you must never me "targets" as I am very much a "target" driven person and once someone tells to something, I will do it as I am very naive.
Of course, the "third party" will deny this "target" was set but I am prepared to do a lie detector test to prove this. You cannot lie on a "lie detector" and it's better than an "email audit". I don't know how long I can go on but I want everyone to read my thoughts. I might suffer everyday but when YOU reach rock bottom and everyone treats you like "dogshit" (my apologies for the swearing) but you start believing that.
I will give back to this site financially as much as I can as I continue to fight for "my right to live". Heh, I hope the trolls come out for my character assassination but they are no different to me. I want everyone to read these passages and realise what I was driven to in order to achieve the impossible target.
My ultimate goal is to make this forum the largest supportive community in the world for everyone in the world when they have no where else to turn to. This community is a very much inspiring and will continue to help others to see...
LIFE IS IMPORTANT AND THAT THE " FINAL COMMITTMENT" IS NOT THE ANSWER. PLEASE FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, FORGET ANY PLANS YOU HAVE AND LET ME TAKE ON YOUR PAIN IN ORDER TO GIVE ME STRENGTH ANF COURAGE TO DO THE IMPOSSIBLE PROMISE.
LET ME TAKE YOUR PAIN AWAY FROM YOU AS IT GIVES ME THE STRENGTH TO FIGHT ON EVERYDAY FOR MY LIFE..
I promise my story will continue........
I am compelled to write again as my mind is in overdrive right now. I was in deep thought yesterday thinking about all the world events happening right now where all everybody are fighting to live life and exist. It puts my own problems to be like a parasite. I was thinking if we all just showed a little compassion to each other then the world would very a better place. But all I see around me is this "dog eat dog" culture or people trying to get immediate fame through the means of this "social media" modern day culture. It's funny how I ended up on this site but I want to share my story to show others that life is very important.
In my microscopic world, I hope the third party is well and having the time of their life at my expense. Yes, this might be consider a fixation but my mental state is very fragile and seems to deteriating whilst I recover from my broken ankle. I am determined to continue my struggle and achieve the impossible promise as it's the only thing I live for. My tormentors can laugh at my expense but remember you also played a major part in seeing me deteriate and laughed at my expense. I want everyone to read this make you realise what you did nearly made me do.
One of my tormentors, made my life hell in the past two years by stating that I was bipolar and I became brainwashed in believing that. This person kept making me the butt of their jokes but they need to bear responsibility for their actions. They think it fine to joke with others but it's not fine to give it back. Wrong in my books. As far I can see this is abuse of their position especially when I given a very personal "set of rules" like this person abused their powers like I am not allowed to use my mobile in the "working environment". In the end, I cancelled my mobile contract for this reason. At one point, this person stated that they had the power to change my seating arrangement so that they could keep a close eye on me. This is a paradox in my book, when I completely broke down I was going to reported for constantly looking at another's screen. I others read this and realise how much torment I went through at the expense of this person. I choose to continue to live like this and to keep my word to the "third party" as they believed in me and I will never break the trust that they bestowed in me.
The third party will realise that I suffer everyday and will continue in order to protect their honour and credibility. They will realise how remorseful I am and I never intentionally meant to cause them hurt. Even though I realise now we had no future but I did really care and the "third party". The "third party" is an amazing person and all I did was to encourage them to follow their dreams. I might live a "nightmare" everyday but so be it as I truly deserve to but does it mean I have lose my life for doing something wrong. I know that I cause stress but the third party need to realise you never ask anyone to proof their loyalty by doing the impossible. Yes, I can truthfully, say I "did it" under the most excruciating pain but does meant I have lose my life just to say sorry. If I have lose my life just to apologise, then fine. I want the masses to read this and let them decide. I will be sorry for the rest of my life and will suffer everyday but I will never take my life. If others want to take my life as an act of revenge then so be it but realise that makes you no different to me.
In the words of Braveheart in a twisted way, "They may take my live, but they'll never take my mind and freedom". I will carry my emotional scars with me and they will give me the strength to continue with living life on a day by day basis. At the end of the day, bullies are just "cowards" in their own way afraid of their own fears. Whose laughing now.......
My story will continue, I promise.....
In my microscopic world, I hope the third party is well and having the time of their life at my expense. Yes, this might be consider a fixation but my mental state is very fragile and seems to deteriating whilst I recover from my broken ankle. I am determined to continue my struggle and achieve the impossible promise as it's the only thing I live for. My tormentors can laugh at my expense but remember you also played a major part in seeing me deteriate and laughed at my expense. I want everyone to read this make you realise what you did nearly made me do.
One of my tormentors, made my life hell in the past two years by stating that I was bipolar and I became brainwashed in believing that. This person kept making me the butt of their jokes but they need to bear responsibility for their actions. They think it fine to joke with others but it's not fine to give it back. Wrong in my books. As far I can see this is abuse of their position especially when I given a very personal "set of rules" like this person abused their powers like I am not allowed to use my mobile in the "working environment". In the end, I cancelled my mobile contract for this reason. At one point, this person stated that they had the power to change my seating arrangement so that they could keep a close eye on me. This is a paradox in my book, when I completely broke down I was going to reported for constantly looking at another's screen. I others read this and realise how much torment I went through at the expense of this person. I choose to continue to live like this and to keep my word to the "third party" as they believed in me and I will never break the trust that they bestowed in me.
The third party will realise that I suffer everyday and will continue in order to protect their honour and credibility. They will realise how remorseful I am and I never intentionally meant to cause them hurt. Even though I realise now we had no future but I did really care and the "third party". The "third party" is an amazing person and all I did was to encourage them to follow their dreams. I might live a "nightmare" everyday but so be it as I truly deserve to but does it mean I have lose my life for doing something wrong. I know that I cause stress but the third party need to realise you never ask anyone to proof their loyalty by doing the impossible. Yes, I can truthfully, say I "did it" under the most excruciating pain but does meant I have lose my life just to say sorry. If I have lose my life just to apologise, then fine. I want the masses to read this and let them decide. I will be sorry for the rest of my life and will suffer everyday but I will never take my life. If others want to take my life as an act of revenge then so be it but realise that makes you no different to me.
In the words of Braveheart in a twisted way, "They may take my live, but they'll never take my mind and freedom". I will carry my emotional scars with me and they will give me the strength to continue with living life on a day by day basis. At the end of the day, bullies are just "cowards" in their own way afraid of their own fears. Whose laughing now.......
My story will continue, I promise.....
I'm feeling down today as the broken ankle is going to take time to recover. The plaster was removed and I am able to take small steps. The recovery is going to take time but I am determined to this continue this promise because I want the "third party" to realise how much I cared for the hurt I caused without malice. The mental strain is immense but folks if I can survive and find the strength to continue my journey of darkness. Please let me fell your pain as I continue my fight to live on a day by day basis.
My story will continue, I promise...
My story will continue, I promise...
I need to write my thoughts again. Helping others is so important to me as it helps me to overcome my remorse for the third party. I know now I have lost the three most precious things in my life but what I do here everyday is my saviour.
If I can help others overcome their pain then I have done something worthy in my life. I don't know how long I have left here but some days I feel I get stronger and other days I collapse to the floor. I ask myself always is life about revenge. The simple answer is "NO" as there is enough misery in life now but it seems the compassion for humanity has disappeared.
One minute I cry for the hurt I caused but the next minute I laugh. I know I caused a lot of hurt but all I live for now is the apology I owe to this person and helping others here. Perhaps I am on a life journey of redemption but helping here see the errors of my past. I want others to read this passage and learn we all make mistakes and we always find the power if compassion is greater than hate. Through my life journey it shows me that the "mind" is a powerful tool and with the right thinking YOU CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING IN LIFE.
I am still trying to rebuild my life and I know that's the right thing to do. People please learn from me that when you hit rock bottom you have to be strong to move forward. I might move forward but remember if I can so you can.
PLEASE CONSIDER LIFE AS IT'S SO IMPORTANT WHATEVER YOU CIRCUMSTANCES.
I promise my story will continue...
If I can help others overcome their pain then I have done something worthy in my life. I don't know how long I have left here but some days I feel I get stronger and other days I collapse to the floor. I ask myself always is life about revenge. The simple answer is "NO" as there is enough misery in life now but it seems the compassion for humanity has disappeared.
One minute I cry for the hurt I caused but the next minute I laugh. I know I caused a lot of hurt but all I live for now is the apology I owe to this person and helping others here. Perhaps I am on a life journey of redemption but helping here see the errors of my past. I want others to read this passage and learn we all make mistakes and we always find the power if compassion is greater than hate. Through my life journey it shows me that the "mind" is a powerful tool and with the right thinking YOU CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING IN LIFE.
I am still trying to rebuild my life and I know that's the right thing to do. People please learn from me that when you hit rock bottom you have to be strong to move forward. I might move forward but remember if I can so you can.
PLEASE CONSIDER LIFE AS IT'S SO IMPORTANT WHATEVER YOU CIRCUMSTANCES.
I promise my story will continue...
Thank you for words. It helps each day knowing that someone recognises my hurt and I know that "revenge is not the answer" but helping others.
I just want to say "no" to sorry to the third party but without causing duress. Like I say again no revenge is planned at all.
Just tears of hurt. :''''''''(
I just want to say "no" to sorry to the third party but without causing duress. Like I say again no revenge is planned at all.
Just tears of hurt. :''''''''(
This week I have become mobile for the first time in seven weeks. I am determined to live my life on a day by day basis to show others that life itself is very important. I am still struggling mentally but this forum keeps me going on a daily basis. I am very reliant on this forum on a daily basis. I know one thing this forum saved my life and that's why I give back everyday as it's the right thing to do.
When my times comes I want the others to read these passages and realise that life is important and nothing else matters. Like on many occasions I have stated and stand by this statement. "You born with nothing and go with nothing." You leave this earth on a natural terms leaving others with good and bad memories. Okay you are down at the moment but things can be resolved in one way or another. Folks I feel your pain as I struggle my own pain but remember all of us individually can support each other and build a network of support for everyone in the world who is hurting.
Please reconsider any thoughts about the final commitment as keep talking the SF family WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU.
I promise my story will continue. .....
When my times comes I want the others to read these passages and realise that life is important and nothing else matters. Like on many occasions I have stated and stand by this statement. "You born with nothing and go with nothing." You leave this earth on a natural terms leaving others with good and bad memories. Okay you are down at the moment but things can be resolved in one way or another. Folks I feel your pain as I struggle my own pain but remember all of us individually can support each other and build a network of support for everyone in the world who is hurting.
Please reconsider any thoughts about the final commitment as keep talking the SF family WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU.
I promise my story will continue. .....