Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.

[Unknown_111]

Today for first time in two months I managed to go for a walk with my walking aids. It was tough but I was determined to do it. I walked ages but determined to interact with humans again. What l do in isolation to protect the three precious things in my life. I met someone who thought it funny looking at my injury but I laughed it off. I had to make up for acting stupid by buying cake which brought a smiles and laughed.

It was good to see civilisation for once given I was going stir crazy for the last two months. The journey back was hell as it forty minutes to walk back. My rehabilitation is going to be slow but I am very determined to continue the impossible promise. I got very down later on but l have no choice to surviving on a day by day basis. My life might be hell but I have no choice but to survive.

I promise my story will continue.

 

[Unknown_111]

How are you?

Thank you asking. I'm getting better on a day by day basis. The ankle is healing but I will get stronger because I am driven by your support of members like YOU.

I'm honoured to have YOU as a friend. YOU should be proud of yourself as it helps me to survive each day. Hard as it may be but I will survive because of YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT. Thank you much as it helps in my own struggle.

 

[PhoenixFailed]

@Innocent Forever , I second everything you wrote on this thread yesterday.

@Unknown_111, Innocent Forever said what I think much more elequent manner than I ever could.

Sending you good thoughts. I am glad you were able to get out with your ankle healing. You also have a special gift for finding the positive in every situation. It shows resilience and gives hope to so many. <3

 

[Innocent Forever]

So happy that you got out!!!! That's really awesome. Hope your ankle gets better, and better, every day.
Feel good. Be kind to yourself. Stay strong. Stay brave.

 

[Unknown_111]

@Innocent Forever , I second everything you wrote on this thread yesterday.

@Unknown_111, Innocent Forever said what I think much more elequent manner than I ever could.

Sending you good thoughts. I am glad you were able to get out with your ankle healing. You also have a special gift for finding the positive in every situation. It shows resilience and gives hope to so many. <3

Thank you so much. You message keeps me going today. It means a lot. Respect.

So happy that you got out!!!! That's really awesome. Hope your ankle gets better, and better, every day.
Feel good. Be kind to yourself. Stay strong. Stay brave.

Thank you again but I will try to be strong as it's the option I have each day. I don't know what is happening but just plan on a day by day basis. Respect to you again.

 

[Unknown_111]

Two days ago, I got outside and started to pick up leaves as the OCD kicked in big time. I struggled for three hours picking the leaves up. I was shocked by someone who had not spoken to me for nearly three years. This person shocked me as I told this person how close I came to doing the "final commitment". I was shocked but it showed me that their is some people who are humble. I told this person that I respected them. I got to admit I was totally wrong about this person.

Earlier that day, I struggled to get to a shop with my walking day. I walked against a fence railing which shadow looked like "prison bar". It reminded me how I walked free in a physical state but mentally I am still in my own cage trying to fight my daily struggle. I might wear a false smile but to this I struggle on a daily basis. It shows me to try to find the courage to live each day and appreciate each day. I still suffer from low self-esteem issues but I survive because I have no choice but try to live each day to the best of my ability. I write these thoughts now as to show YOU that we all might struggle everyday but we all have to dig deep to find the strength to live life.

I promise my story will continue...

 

[Innocent Forever]

I love your final line, which you write so often that 'I promise my story will continue'
So happy that you saw what you did about this person now.
May your ankle, and your heart, get stronger and stronger each day.

 

[Unknown_111]

I love your final line, which you write so often that 'I promise my story will continue'
So happy that you saw what you did about this person now.
May your ankle, and your heart, get stronger and stronger each day.

Thank you for kind words I am mere one person who just telling their story how it is and trying to prove to everyone on this forum that we must fight to live for each day. Each day I get stronger as I have no choice because I made a heavy commitment to the third party. I might not any light but live in a world of darkness which I now accept is my life. I tell my story to inspire others on this forum. My battle is really with myself but I think that's the battle the most of us on this forum face is with ourselves. I mere one human who will inspires others to live life.

I promise my story will continue........

 

[Innocent Forever]

Yeah, it is...
Wishing you an awesome day

 

[Innocent Forever]

Yeah, it is...
Wishing you an awesome day

 

[Unknown_111]

Yeah, it is...
Wishing you an awesome day

Thank you so much. I wish you an awesome week. Respect @Innocent Forever.

 

[Unknown_111]

Since Tuesday, I have been slowly hobble on semi healed ankle for the first time in eleven weeks. My ankle is weak but with steady progress I will make a recovery. I been advised to take it easy but I am determined to recover as soon as possible as to continue the impossible promise. I made a heavy commitment to the third party which I must honour. It's the only decent I can do to show remorse. It might sound stupid but I must suffer everyday of my life. Let me feel and take your pain as I endure my suffering everyday.

Please keep reading as I continue to live on a day by day basis. When you hit rock bottom you realise that you don't everything for granted including life. Life itself is very important and you appreciate the simple things in life.

Whether you suffer from depression or a mental illness. Please believe you can recover from such illnesses but it takes time to recover. We all deal our own issues on a day by day basis. I found in my past three years the ones who understand are the who experience such life change experiences. All I want to do is to share my experience and show others that LIFE IS IMPORTANT NO MATTER WHATEVER WE GOING THROUGH. TAKE CARE FOLKS.

I promise my story will continue......

 

[Innocent Forever]

I'm so happy that you've been using your ankle more, and more! Yahoo!!!!!!!
I promise your story will continue... Day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment, you can do it my friend. You're someone special. Always and forever.

 

[Unknown_111]

I'm so happy that you've been using your ankle more, and more! Yahoo!!!!!!!
I promise your story will continue... Day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment, you can do it my friend. You're someone special. Always and forever.

Thank you for your support. You again have SAVED ME. I know I must push myself by trying hard to do this impossible promise. Like others here I survive on a daily basis. I might not see happiness ever but I found purpose in life which is this forum.

Just for you. I promise my story will continue......

 

[Innocent Forever]

I promise your story will continue for YOU. For YOU are someone very special. And you can one day do more than just survive, you can thrive.

 

[Unknown_111]

Today has been hard as I try to protect the most precious in my life. I feel so down each day as like the film everyday is like "Groundhog" day. I get up and appreciate the first gasp of air into my lungs. I keep myself busy everyday but the thought of hurting someone who I very much dearly care about as a fellow human being and nothing. I know now there is no future but I have kept away as I deeply hurt this person. I don't think I can move on but truly until I can fully show much remorseful I am. I don't know how much long I have left but I am determined never to slander this person. This person had to do what they had to do in order to protect their honour and credibility. This third party I have really upset will hopefully realise I have no plan for revenge on them. My revenge will be me taking my own life in order to show remorseful I am. If YOU are reading this, then you will realise (I hope.!!!) how sorry I am for the hurt caused.

As it's the fall, I collected two bags of autumn leaves from the front and back yard. The leaves reminded me of tears I have shed not for me but for the third party since joining this forum. I think the shape of a leaf reminds me of a single shed tear. So when I pick leaves each time to me it reflects each tear I have cried. They say, you lock up your bad experiences in a memory box and lock it away at the back of your mind. I have tried such a technique but the memory box explodes and causes me to breakdown into tears. I try my best to cope but I have to wear the weights of shame and burden until I have my impossible promise. So may think that I am crackers but I do it because I really care for hurt I caused. I am no one special but want to use my experience for others to realise that when hit rock bottom, you fight for right to live. I might be mentally and physically battled but I am determined to prove this third party that I will be sorry everyday of my life by doing the impossible promise.

I promise my story will continue as I am determined NOT to take my life but if comes to that then so be it. Folks thanks for reading and take care of yourself.

 

[Unknown_111]

I promise your story will continue for YOU. For YOU are someone very special. And you can one day do more than just survive, you can thrive.

Thank for your kind words. I must stress that I am no one special but just a caring person. To be honest I use suffer everyday for the hurt I caused and I must realise for everyday how much hurt I caused. I will survive because of this forum. Thank again for your kind words @Innocent Forever but YOU are special and never let anyone think different.

 

[Innocent Forever]

This isn't called for, but, one of the principles of the 12 steps (step 9) is making amends for what you've done, and (steps 2, 3, and 10) leaving the rest to your higher power, and (6,7) giving your character defects to your higher power asking hp to help you with them and (steps 4,5) taking an inventory of what you've done and admitting it to others.
The point I'm trying to make is that there's absolutely no purpose to beating yourself up. You either do what you can to change it or if you can't, MOVE ON, don't stay with the past. And definitely don't feel like taking your life shows your remorse, it really doesn't. It shows that you're a mess, doesn't show that you feel bad. Doing what you can shows you're remorseful. Good luck!

 

[Unknown_111]

This isn't called for, but, one of the principles of the 12 steps (step 9) is making amends for what you've done, and (steps 2, 3, and 10) leaving the rest to your higher power, and (6,7) giving your character defects to your higher power asking hp to help you with them and (steps 4,5) taking an inventory of what you've done and admitting it to others.
The point I'm trying to make is that there's absolutely no purpose to beating yourself up. You either do what you can to change it or if you can't, MOVE ON, don't stay with the past. And definitely don't feel like taking your life shows your remorse, it really doesn't. It shows that you're a mess, doesn't show that you feel bad. Doing what you can shows you're remorseful. Good luck!

Thank you for the reply. I will try this 12 steps and try to forgive myself. It's hard as I have tried doing that for the past three years. All I can do is to my best in continuing to help others. Thank so much again.

 

[Innocent Forever]

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