Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.

[chiaroscura]

Dearest Unknown, I am not good at finding anything to say to you, but that i care very very much about you, because we are brothers/sisters in pain, stuck in a world of death and injustice.

I just want to make a point and please don't get mad at me, because I'm on your side and I HATE THOSE PEOPLE WHO HURT YOU. DAMN THEM TO ETERNAL MISERY STARTING TODAY. Plus, according to the largest religion in the world, there is no more hell, as the gates were "destroyed" and that is on papyrus and other ancient writings. Everyone got out, it says, and there is no more hell. But your DRUID ASSHOLE TORMENTERS BETTER GET SOME KIND OF PUNISHMENT.

What I was going to say is this: When we think with our feelings and put our logic aside, we draw wrong conclusions.

The ultimate question right now in your life, is "what is of more value, life or death?"

Your answer came out death.

That's because your feelings did your calculations, not your logic.

The key to the question is OPTIONS.

Which holds more options? Life or death?

Well, 90 percent of all suicide attempts fail and leave people looking like monsters and drooling into a cup in an institution with their hands in a permanent twisted fist and their eyes going every direction. Google the images if you doubt me. Guns are the biggest fail. Google it. The skull, at close range, has a huge impact on the speed and direction of any bullet and most gun attempts end with parts of your head missing and you are eating brown goo from a tube in your stomach. Your tormenters would just LOVE that.

So you only have ONE option if you chose that death is of more value that life. And the VAST MAJORITY of attempts FAIL. So you get ONE chance, and the probabilities are that you will fail and make yourself into a crippled monster.

But with life the Options are ENDLESS. Think if you had sixty years to think of ways to deal with the tormenters. Or even to watch their demise from sickness or disease or death or bankruptcy or getting fired, all their troubles. I know you don't seek revenge, but wouldn't it be more fun to watch (choose options and stay live) than to gamble every chip on ONE try at the exit, and the probabilities are severely against your success and then you are fucked all the way up and have NO more options including you can't try it again, because you'd be a spaz drooling in an institution full of other terrifying looking people

Be smart. Use your logic. And just think WHICH HAS THE MOST OPTIONS.

end of rant. Just trying to help you decide the correct thing. Also you will be making them happy for life if you exit. They would LOVE that! They would have won. I hate them. I CURSE THEM AND I WOULD BEAT THEM TO A PULP IF I WAS THERE. I DONT WANT THEM TO GET ANY PLEASURE AGAIN EVER, ESPECIALLY THE PLEASURE OF COMPLETELY DEFEATING YOU.

What if you stay and keep smiling a SUPER CREEPY sinister smile at them until they realize you have a secret plan (even if you don't) and they start to worry. Sinister smiles scare the sh*t out of me, for example.

Please don't yell at me for this. I might have already posted the Options idea to you before. Please be gentle about rebuking me, because I'm super sensitive and I cry for 3 days. I was only trying to help you do the logic right.

I would miss you the rest of my life if you disappeared. "The act" only hurts the people who care about you. It DELIGHTS tormentors.

Will you be my friend? I won't guilt trip you. But I like you. Can we be friends?

 

[Unknown_111]

Dearest Unknown, I am not good at finding anything to say to you, but that i care very very much about you, because we are brothers/sisters in pain, stuck in a world of death and injustice.

I just want to make a point and please don't get mad at me, because I'm on your side and I HATE THOSE PEOPLE WHO HURT YOU. DAMN THEM TO ETERNAL MISERY STARTING TODAY. Plus, according to the largest religion in the world, there is no more hell, as the gates were "destroyed" and that is on papyrus and other ancient writings. Everyone got out, it says, and there is no more hell. But your DRUID ASSHOLE TORMENTERS BETTER GET SOME KIND OF PUNISHMENT.

What I was going to say is this: When we think with our feelings and put our logic aside, we draw wrong conclusions.

The ultimate question right now in your life, is "what is of more value, life or death?"

Your answer came out death.

That's because your feelings did your calculations, not your logic.

The key to the question is OPTIONS.

Which holds more options? Life or death?

Well, 90 percent of all suicide attempts fail and leave people looking like monsters and drooling into a cup in an institution with their hands in a permanent twisted fist and their eyes going every direction. Google the images if you doubt me. Guns are the biggest fail. Google it. The skull, at close range, has a huge impact on the speed and direction of any bullet and most gun attempts end with parts of your head missing and you are eating brown goo from a tube in your stomach. Your tormenters would just LOVE that.

So you only have ONE option if you chose that death is of more value that life. And the VAST MAJORITY of attempts FAIL. So you get ONE chance, and the probabilities are that you will fail and make yourself into a crippled monster.

But with life the Options are ENDLESS. Think if you had sixty years to think of ways to deal with the tormenters. Or even to watch their demise from sickness or disease or death or bankruptcy or getting fired, all their troubles. I know you don't seek revenge, but wouldn't it be more fun to watch (choose options and stay live) than to gamble every chip on ONE try at the exit, and the probabilities are severely against your success and then you are fucked all the way up and have NO more options including you can't try it again, because you'd be a spaz drooling in an institution full of other terrifying looking people

Be smart. Use your logic. And just think WHICH HAS THE MOST OPTIONS.

end of rant. Just trying to help you decide the correct thing. Also you will be making them happy for life if you exit. They would LOVE that! They would have won. I hate them. I CURSE THEM AND I WOULD BEAT THEM TO A PULP IF I WAS THERE. I DONT WANT THEM TO GET ANY PLEASURE AGAIN EVER, ESPECIALLY THE PLEASURE OF COMPLETELY DEFEATING YOU.

What if you stay and keep smiling a SUPER CREEPY sinister smile at them until they realize you have a secret plan (even if you don't) and they start to worry. Sinister smiles scare the sh*t out of me, for example.

Please don't yell at me for this. I might have already posted the Options idea to you before. Please be gentle about rebuking me, because I'm super sensitive and I cry for 3 days. I was only trying to help you do the logic right.

I would miss you the rest of my life if you disappeared. "The act" only hurts the people who care about you. It DELIGHTS tormentors.

Will you be my friend? I won't guilt trip you. But I like you. Can we be friends?

Because of what you stated is very logical, I will postpone any plans for time being. I still suffer everyday at the hands of these tormentors. I crashed severely today. By the way, you have not offended me in anyway.

I make this PERSONAL commitment to YOU. I might suffer everyday but I personally promise to help YOU. So promise me one thing no more crying. I will help you. Thank for recognising my pain. YOU SAVED ME TODAY and be proud of that.

I took no offence by your post but simply cried as someone recognised my pain.

Thank you and take care.

 

[chiaroscura]

I am so moved by what you just wrote that my heart is pounding really hard! Oh, I so hope I could give you some relief from such a pressing labor under such intense pain. I think we will be the kind of friends that save each other's lives, more than once. Your promise means more to me than a mountain of gold! I mean it. And I promise to stop crying. And I promise that we can pull each other up, but let's pull YOU up first, as I feel like a first responder to a situation where your courage against such viciousness by such cruel monster people blows my mind. I'm so proud of you, and so happy and honored. Now I'm speechless, my friend. I'm so grateful for all of this! We will rock them. They will be sorry. Very sorry. Chia the happy Chia

 

[Unknown_111]

I am so moved by what you just wrote that my heart is pounding really hard! Oh, I so hope I could give you some relief from such a pressing labor under such intense pain. I think we will be the kind of friends that save each other's lives, more than once. Your promise means more to me than a mountain of gold! I mean it. And I promise to stop crying. And I promise that we can pull each other up, but let's pull YOU up first, as I feel like a first responder to a situation where your courage against such viciousness by such cruel monster people blows my mind. I'm so proud of you, and so happy and honored. Now I'm speechless, my friend. I'm so grateful for all of this! We will rock them. They will be sorry. Very sorry. Chia the happy Chia

YOU SAVED ME, AND I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF IN THAT YOU SAVED ME DOING SOMETHING I REGRETTED.

I keep crashing under this heavy emotional self-blackmail. I wake up knowing I hurt someone who to this day I truly cared about but cannot see or hear or look at without breaking down and crying tears of hurt not for myself but for the third party. I hope this abasing person who drives me to do the impossible promise. They don't know where I was came close to do doing but I ask myself have not I punished myself enough with the mental breakdown and doing the original "promise". Is it a crime in itself for fallen img for someone who you once deeply cared about. If it's a crime the punishment I truly deserve is the "final comiitment". As I have tried, judged and sentenced past without my own defence, then I must go to the gates of hell. I live hell everyday whilst others moth me at by mere existence.

The "Watcher" no doubt watches and reports back. I hope you believe in you so called righteous path of divine when you know yourself deep down the people who preach are also corrupt in their own way. At the end of the day business is business even if it means feeding of the masses. If your are reading this " The Watcher" I hope you got what they promised you. Not even once you asked me direct how I was even that Christmas when I was close at the gates of hell as I wanted to voluntarily get myself sectioned. You hate me that much that you disappoint me in the way you preach one thing and turn around you have the bare cheek to totally ignore my away. No doubt you casting rumours about me. I can read you like a open book. I hope you report what you see today.

 

[chiaroscura]

Unknown_111, this is probably a really bad idea, by any standards, but I offer it to you. How many torturers do you have? I will pick up voo doo dolls for each one and these have black curses on them and a few other things that will definitely f*** them up. I am not a witch, far from it. But what do I have to lose if I try? I will google how to handle it so I don't get hurt in the process. And maybe if they read your posts, they will see this one. I do KNOW a witch, a real one, and I will ask HER to do it all for me, if your torturers and watchers don't stop everything. They can laugh and say they don't believe, but when things start happening to them, they will ask for it to be called off. This is not something I've ever done but once. I don't believe in returning evil for evil, nor do I EVER practice witchcraft or allow it in my house, but even the BUDDHA, says that he would commit evil if it was the only way to turn evil away. I should probably delete this post. I might get in trouble for saying this on here. But if your WATCHERS are watching, you can come into a short conversationn with me (they can't see conversations, only we 2 can see) and see if what you think about this.

 

[chiaroscura]

ADMINS PLEASE READ THIS FIRST! PS I want to make clear that I am NOT into such things, but would only do it if deemed necessary and I don't even believe in it, but would try it if it made you feel better. i am NOT promoting any religion or belief system, especially one based on retaliation! Most people agree that voo doo gibberish is a joke and has no effect. Therefore I do not think the admins would say I was promoting anything, since I AM CLEARLY SAYING that it's all fake anyway. Or so I believe, and you probably think so too, and the watchers and torturers think so too. So what I said was completely HARMLESS and not a PROMOTION. All I meant was: what do we have to lose if I try it on your behalf. Even if it doesn't have anything about it that is true, it might make you feel better and less suicidal. And that's what this forum is about: preventing suicide. I hope the admins understand me if they come and look at this.

 

[Freya]

ADMINS PLEASE READ THIS FIRST! PS I want to make clear that I am NOT into such things, but would only do it if deemed necessary and I don't even believe in it, but would try it if it made you feel better. i am NOT promoting any religion or belief system, especially one based on retaliation! Most people agree that voo doo gibberish is a joke and has no effect. Therefore I do not think the admins would say I was promoting anything, since I AM CLEARLY SAYING that it's all fake anyway. Or so I believe, and you probably think so too, and the watchers and torturers think so too. So what I said was completely HARMLESS and not a PROMOTION. All I meant was: what do we have to lose if I try it on your behalf. Even if it doesn't have anything about it that is true, it might make you feel better and less suicidal. And that's what this forum is about: preventing suicide. I hope the admins understand me if they come and look at this.

It's fine Chia - you obviously were not preaching any kind of religion or belief system

 

[chiaroscura]

Now as far as you and your suffering, my dear Unknown_111, I am here FOR YOU. I know you are there, even tho I can't see you. I know you are suffering deeply and that is why I am here. I give you my completely real presence, if I can help. Ignore the fact that these are just words. Words are only the fingers that point to the moon, but words are not the moon. Stil, they can help you see it.

 

[Unknown_111]

Chiaroscura, you are a wonderful person. I believe these haters will get their karma. I appreciate your kind words. They provide me greater comfort. I must apologise to YOU especially as I suffer a major trauma effect. I was down on Sunday when jar a went bad for me and caused me to break my ankle. Just my bad luck.

I apologise to the others for being a way from the forum but I am so down at the moment as no one understands my pain. I crawled from the garden in order to get help from someone who I am trying to protect. This person means a lot but I caused them such emotional distress that I need to protect them and keep isolating them.

I currently down as the rehabilitation is going to take eighteen months. I currently plastered up and very depressed. I being through a great struggle over the past two years. So this should be a walk in the park. I lost grip of one finger on the mountain of life. All it means that I must get my ankle fixed in order to continue my impossible promise.

I am very depressed today but all it means the my struggle starts all over again. You folk are my strength and I lasted over the past four days with the elastic band. I am determined to make it up to the third party as I have no choice. I caused hurt and I paying for this with my own karma.

My struggle starts again but the support from the forum will keep me going.

 

[Unknown_111]

I am very down tonight as I have a lot of time to reflect. I only live for the impossible promise which I will do as I have promised to do so. I cannot restart the promise for another eighteen months. I am very disheartened but I think it's called karma. I will bide my time and rebuild my strength on a day by day basis reflecting on my past actions. I know I hurt the third party and its hurts me everyday knowing what I did. I will never forgive myself but I will my word and commit to this impossible promise as I want the third party to know I will suffer everyday for the geninue hurt I caused. Even though I try to rebuild my life this third party inspires me to achieve the impossible. I don't really care about myself as I deserve to suffer every pathetic day of my life.

In that way, the third party will realise I did really care about them and I will continue to care as a human being but in my case as someone keeps reminding me that I am a piece of "dogshit". If the name fits, then so be it. I hope when the third party reads this, they realise I still care and if it means necessary for me to do the "final committment" to show that how much I cared, then so be it. I know I caused a lot of upset but someone has to be responsible for current state of mind. I am very fragile at the moment and only live for the impossible promise on a day by day basis. The next couple of months are crucial and that's why I give back to this community everyday whilst I suffer myself everyday.

Message to "super troll", you some how have used illegally used your connections to find me here. I strongly suggest that you back off or you could held responsible for anything that happens to me. I suggest that you stay away as you know the damage you caused last September 2015. I suggest that you keep away from me. Please this is my own personal struggle and I must face it myself. So I have now given you a friendly warning. Please keep away.

 

[Unknown_111]

Whilst I lie here contemplating my next move in this life "game of chess". My ankle might be broken but I am driven more to complete the impossible promise. I re-read the post written by the third party and every time I read it, it causes me more and more anguish to realise the untoll hurt I caused this fellow human being. The only connections I have now with this person is the face to face apology which I must do as it's the right thing to do but my only worry is the I will suffer a major mental breakdown which I know I will not recover from. The other connections is to work hard for the compensation fund which will never make up for the hurt I caused.

In the post the third party mentioned how much they depended on me and the ironic of the situation, my life depends on this person. I have to laugh to see how the tables have turned round. My life is in this person's hands and rightly so. Yes, if YOU are reading, I will never ever reveal YOUR SECRET THOUGHTS OR THE THINGS YOU SHARED. You may be have destroyed my reputation but that's something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I ASSURE YOU I WILL NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER BETRAY YOU. WHY YOU ASK??.

The reason is simply, you have my word and I will achieve the impossible promise, even it means it will take a life time. As I struggle everyday, this third party inspires me to achieve the impossible. The third party would get knocked down but the spirit this person showed in their determination to get back up drives me to achieve the impossible. The next eighteen months are going to be hard but I am determined to prove myself to this third party that I get knocked down but I will get back up.

I hope the third party is smiling and living a happy existence whilst I live in darkness. I know the third party likes a "good read" and if they are not reading, these passages is a personal story of what I have felt about the situation. Please let me reassure YOU, there is NO REVENGE PLANNED FROM MY PART AT ALL. I totally understand and personally FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH. Yes, it might sound stupid but I would have done the same thing if I was in your high heels.

Let me reassure YOU, I don't want any understanding or forgiveness from your part at all. Like someone keeps reminding me in an indirect way, I am a "piece of dogshit".
I might feel like that but I am still here to share my experience to others.

Too the third party, keep smiling and reading on how I progress the impossible promise whilst helping others to see that life is important.

 

[Unknown_111]

"Super Troll" you may have changed you colours but I strongly suggest that YOU keep away as you need to think on, what you caused me nearly to do over a year ago.

I strongly suggest that you back off and keep trolling else where. I will not exposure YOU because I will keep my word to the Lord "Darth Vader" as promised in December 2015. "Darth Vader" I have kept my word so far but remember you betrayed my trust as you have formed an alligence with "Super Troll". What I do now, is a better thing than "trolling" and illegally "downloading". Take care YOU both.

 

[Unknown_111]

All I update today is that last night, I cried all night. :,,,,,,,,,,,,,,(

I am so down but I know as usual I will survive.

 

[Unknown_111]

I broke down yesterday as the broken ankle is hurting a lot. Like that tormentor who kept calling me "dogshit" has left a permanent mark on me. I feel like dogshit but this tormentor will deny all reference. I am surviving some how as I need to complete the impossible promise. I will do it and this tormentor will have remember to what he put me through.......

I only live for the impossible promise and nothing else.... It must be done...

 

[Unknown_111]

I broke down yesterday crying that I lost the grip of living but like I stated before I feel I have regressed back two years. I know I survived two years ago and I will again as I am determined to live.

I know deep down I did wrong but I feel the pain I inflicted everyday of life. I know others might not see me not showing remorse. I feel so much remorse that's why I must show others that the "final committment" is not the answer.

My broken ankle is getting me down but I will survive. I just past the day trying to be positive but it's me more time to reflect what I did and how much shame I feel. Others might read this as lies but they are not. I do not expect any empathy but writing my feelings helps me realise what I became and helps me to try to heal my open wounds which I know will never heal in my lifetime. They will only heal when I have honesty to say "sorry" to the third party.

I could write down a"sorry" a thousand times but I don't they would be accepted. Perhaps the events over the past few years has made it impossible to say sorry. I wanted to say "sorry" on a day back in February 2014 when I first crashed but the only person who helped me was the office cleaner who saw how much pain I was in.

Thank for reading my struggle which continues everyday of life. Please take strength that you are not the only one suffering and think on about any "final committment" thoughts as I want to show others that "LIFE IS FOR LIVING".

 

[Brian777]

I broke down yesterday crying that I lost the grip of living but like I stated before I feel I have regressed back two years. I know I survived two years ago and I will again as I am determined to live.

I know deep down I did wrong but I feel the pain I inflicted everyday of life. I know others might not see me not showing remorse. I feel so much remorse that's why I must show others that the "final committment" is not the answer.

My broken ankle is getting me down but I will survive. I just past the day trying to be positive but it's me more time to reflect what I did and how much shame I feel. Others might read this as lies but they are not. I do not expect any empathy but writing my feelings helps me realise what I became and helps me to try to heal my open wounds which I know will never heal in my lifetime. They will only heal when I have honesty to say "sorry" to the third party.

I could write down a"sorry" a thousand times but I don't they would be accepted. Perhaps the events over the past few years has made it impossible to say sorry. I wanted to say "sorry" on a day back in February 2014 when I first crashed but the only person who helped me was the office cleaner who saw how much pain I was in.

Thank for reading my struggle which continues everyday of life. Please take strength that you are not the only one suffering and think on about any "final committment" thoughts as I want to show others that "LIFE IS FOR LIVING".

Hey my friend, I hope you feel better soon and your ankle heals. Stay the course brother we care for you here.
Brian

 

[Unknown_111]

Hey my friend, I hope you feel better soon and your ankle heals. Stay the course brother we care for you here.
Brian

Brian, thank you for the support. It helps me a lot that someone takes notice of my daily dilemma but deep down I want to apologise but I don't it would have any meaning now. I just instead cry alone for the hurt I caused.

The next couple of months are important as I recover from my broken ankle. I survive because the support given by this forum and the desire to do the impossible promise. That's all I live for.

My story will continue....

 

[Unknown_111]

Today, I am spending all day reflecting what I became and how broken I am still. I just survive because of this forum. The immense pressure that was applied, nobody could take but I can say I did it.

This forum played a big part in me being here today and continues to making me to survive each day. I know I did wrong which I keep repeating and I still feel the hurt I caused. The pain I feel will never go away and given that I recovered from my mental breakdown is a testament to how strong I have become because I had no choice. It came to matter of either choosing to take my life or do the original "promise". There was no option but to succeed to do the original.

I know and I did wrong but I think life is not about take revenge but learning from you mistakes and try to become a better person. My revenge will be my death and even if this story does become public, I will leave an legacy on this site for others to read and to learn from my story that "LIFE IS IMPORTANT AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS".

So many innocent life's are taken by doing the "final commitment" but if I can make a difference then that's a start. With war, famine and other world events why can't the world learn from history and try to become a more peaceful planet. I am mere a little voice on this planet but it starts with one voice to start a revolution. I am not asking for much but humanity to be kind to each other.

I might not see happiness but I want to help others to that LIFE IS PRECIOUS AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

Thank you reading this passage. I'm sorry for going on but it helps me to write my feelings for others to read. I want to make my small difference to this world.

I promise my story will continue......

 

[Brian777]

I know you'll disagree but we on the forum think your a good and kind person. Take care my brother.
Brian

 

[Unknown_111]

I know you'll disagree but we on the forum think your a good and kind person. Take care my brother.
Brian

Brian, thank you but to be honest I am struggling at the moment. My broken ankle is hurting me. I cried all day knowing I caused someone so much hurt. I am determined to live life but the support YOU give is immense.

I am still here because of the support from people who understand my pain. My head says one thing and my heart says one thing. My head says do the right thing and contact the person. However, my heart says continue the "vow of silence" and let the third party live in happiness whilst I suffer in silence.

So I will follow my heart and leave the third party alone. I think if I make contact then I would bring up unnecessary duress and hurt that's not required. I still cry now as I know I did wrong. I question does two wrongs make a right.

The medication I'm taking is helping but I am hurting as the rehabilitation is going to be long and arduous as I complete the impossible promise.

Thank you for reading and I promise my story will continue....