Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.

[PhoenixFailed]

I am glad to hear your ankle is healed enough for you to get around. What a relief it must be to be able to get around again. I had foot surgery last year and severly underestimated how frustrated I would feel resting to heal and it was not anywhere near as long as seven weeks.

I have read a few pages of this thread, but not the whole thing. I just want you to know that when I see your presence here on the forum, you are always offering the kind, helping, compassionate hand. Your dedication knows no bounds. I admire you and the way your inspire others. Your work here has meaning and worth, but even without your kindnesses, you have worth. I see it. If need be, I can hold it up for you until you are ready to see it too. You are amazing.

 

[Unknown_111]

I compelled to write as I try to protect the three most precious things my life. I must face my anguish on my own. I so down but this forum keeps me going everyday especially after nearly years

The forum gives me the strength to go on everyday. That's why encourage everyone to continue the daily battle. My own battle is predominantly with myself. I still hang on to the mountain of life by two fingers. A lot of my enemies and haters would like to see me fail. But I so determined to continue to live life. The self - mental and physical hurt I put myself through is immense but it's only way I will show my remorse and prove to myself I can life under the most extreme pressure. This will prove to the third party that I suffered everyday and I did it without malice or revenge.

We live in a cruel world today but somewhere, someone has to make a stance and show some of us are good as well. When all the chips are down, you have fight for right to live life.

Please continue your fight for life and I am determined to. Even with the broken ankle I am determined to regain my strength and continue with my personal struggle.

I might be down but I but promise you my story will continue.

Remember if I can survive so can YOU..... My struggle could end tomorrow by making a simple communication but I want the third party to realise and wonder that I have no intention of revenge at all.

If I can survive so can YOU..

I promise my struggle with continue as I continue my daily fight with LIFE.

Take care readers and remember YOU CAN SURVIVE LIKE ME.

 

[PhoenixFailed]

I always admire your unparalleled resolve and your example in fighting the thoughts that tell us the fight is not worth fighting. You are an inspiration in living even when the living is difficult.

 

[Unknown_111]

I always admire your unparalleled resolve and your example in fighting the thoughts that tell us the fight is not worth fighting. You are an inspiration in living even when the living is difficult.

Thank you, you have just saved me again. RESPECT TO YOU @PhoenixFailed.

 

[PhoenixFailed]

Thank you, you have just saved me again. RESPECT TO YOU @PhoenixFailed.

Just calling it like I see it. You are an amazing person. <3

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, I managed to hubble across the front porch and picked up the leaves with excruciating ankle pain. It was first I could feel the freshness of breeze on my face for the first time in eight weeks. Even though I live on a day by day basis in my own darkness but I pushed myself to do some cleaning. The OCD kicked in big time as I say you keep the "front of shop"" clean and what happens behinds close door is private. My ankle did hurt but the OCD in me likes to keep things tidy even though I forego any future happiness. I firmly believe I deserve no happiness in my life. Please I am not asking for empathy but trying to make the best of a bad situation.

I know and realise even though I suffer everyday, I do it to protect the three most precious things in my life. I might end up losing the most things in my life but I do it for two reasons. The reasons are to protect the future of these three things and I feel deep down I must suffer everyday to show my remorse for all my faults in life. I hope everyone who reads this I am trying to redeem myself in the fastest time possible and it's like I am running the race of life but my life stopwatch is running out of time
( just a very vivid imagination) and the grim reaper is catching up with me everyday. With very precious moment of my life I am honestly trying to redeem myself. When the likes of Middle-earth opens up and these evil trolls come out to demean my life. I hope you realise that your nasty words don't hurt me at all as far as I am concerned a lot of water has past under my bridge of life and what I have been through no one can have achieved it.

Even if I end up doing the "final committment" and this story is left unpublished to the masses, I know I will have left a legacy for others to read that whatever your problem is today you can over the issues and live your life. Over the times of history many innonect people lost their lives through war to let today's people to live a better life. My little voice is nothing in this vast planet called "Earth" but if I going to the fires of hell then I am going out with a "Big Bang". There will be some "goodness" coming out of my life but I hope my death will serve some purpose. My body might lay in a unmarked grave with weeds as the only flowers growing or my ashes just dumped in a dustcart as deserved especially for the third party. These words I write will be revered and read by others. You can disbelief these passages as lies but some will think and say there is some truth in these words.

I think and feel right at this moment I will only see the light when my death happens. If that is, then so be it but remember I suffered everyday WITHOUT TAKING REVENGE. My revenge will be my death and there will be repercussions from it. In this world all I see is more people getting greedy over dollar bills and less compassion to the poor. All I ask where are all the good Samaritans in the world. I think there is only a few and I hope I in my short life I might be classed as one of them. When at least by the members of this forum and the people who lives I have touched.

Like I say. I'M SCUM BUT REMEMBER YOU ARE BORN WITH NOTHING AND YOU GO WITH NOTHING EXCEPT WITH THE GOODNESS IN YOUR HEART.

I promise my story will continue for another day as I need to get my ankle better for the impossible promise......

 

[PhoenixFailed]

@ Unknown_111

You truly are one of the Good Samaritans. You help others without expectation and are a powerful positive force.

I'm glad you are able to get out with your ankle. One step at a time until you are walking without any pain. May you enjoy the fresh breeze as you did this morning and enjoy happy things that you deserve.

Will you be out on your newly cleaned off porch? Sounds like a nice day to sit outside now that you have worked so hard.

 

[Unknown_111]

@ Unknown_111

You truly are one of the Good Samaritans. You help others without expectation and are a powerful positive force.

I'm glad you are able to get out with your ankle. One step at a time until you are walking without any pain. May you enjoy the fresh breeze as you did this morning and enjoy happy things that you deserve.

Will you be out on your newly cleaned off porch? Sounds like a nice day to sit outside now that you have worked so hard.

If I am Good Samaritan (self-doubt as usual) then that makes you one as well because all the goodness you do as well. Brian, your one as well and remember that for a long time.

 

[PhoenixFailed]

Oh, logic, what a bother.

More seriously, thank you for your kind words in return. Also, in all seriousness, it is your kindness that is a greeting into this place marked by hard times of much need but softened by kindness like yours. <3

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, I kept myself busy from the morning till dusk which kept my mind occupied until I noticed some trouble outside. I saw a group of teenage kids picking on one young similar aged boy. My senses told me just to watch the situation but they had him surrounded so the young person had no where to run.

I watched this happening for about ten minutes. It reminded me of my predicament and decided to use my presence to intervene. I hobbled outside and shouted at the teenagers and told them to pick on me rather than the other teenager. I shouted on purpose to create a situation and I told them to jog on and told the bullied teenager to just to get away safely. I realised one of the bullies lived hereby and thought I will leave the situation for the time being. I hope the teenager got away but I fear these individuals will no doubt see revenge today. The saddest aspect of this situation is that I will not be there to help the person.

Remember one thing in life YOU HAVE TO PROVE YOURSELF WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN AND WITHOUT ANY INTENTION OF REVENGE. YOU MUST STAND UP TO YOUR BULLIES. Like they say the "modern day keyboard is mightier than the sword".

I might suffer everyday the solitude of darkness but I will continue to fight for my right to live until I draw my last breath whenever that it as I continue my journey in the darkness. YOU STAND UP TO YOUR BULLIES BUT WITHOUT REVENGE BUT WITH FEAR FROM WITHIN. I MIGHT HAVE A DARK SIDE BUT I WILL NEVER TAKE REVENGE FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO ME BUT TO USE MY EXPERIENCE TO SHOW OTHERS WHEN YOU AT THE END OF YOUR TETHER, YOU FIGHT EVERYDAY TO LIVE FOR YOUR LIFE....... PEOPLE CAN LAUGH AT MY DEMISE BUT LOOK DEEP WITHIN FIRST BEFORE PASSING JUDGEMENT....

I promise my story will continue......

 

[Brian777]

You're a good person my friend, you always help those in need.

 

[Unknown_111]

You're a good person my friend, you always help those in need.

Thank you for kind words it helps me get through the day. I still hate myself and there a number of haters out there who wish me dead especially when it's stated to my face. I cannot be classed as a good person until the third party accepts my apology but until then I will live on a day by day basis not knowing my future. I treat each day it's my last day and try my best to help others as its only thing that keeps me going.

I don't deserve any happiness but hate everyday because I really hurt the third party and until I complete the impossible promise I need to suffer every single day. I will keep my word and reveal nothing that was shared to me by the third party. I will never ever reveal this person identity as they need to believe I will never betray them despite suffering the rest of my life. I owe this to the third party. I hope with me punishing myself it will show how remorseful I am to this day.

I deserve pain everyday of my life...!!

 

[Innocent Forever]

I haven't read through your entire thread, just this page, but, I'm awed. By your courage. Your perseverance. The hope. The desire to continue living. That you're here, still here, and will continue fighting. And the way you're there for others, constantly. Hope your ankle heals soon.

 

[Unknown_111]

I haven't read through your entire thread, just this page, but, I'm awed. By your courage. Your perseverance. The hope. The desire to continue living. That you're here, still here, and will continue fighting. And the way you're there for others, constantly. Hope your ankle heals soon.

Thank you for kind words. They mean a lot but remember we are family and as apart of the SF family we help each other to get through the day. Your pain and struggle is mine as well and never think different. We will never meet but YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS. As I struggle, I feel everyone's pain but together we can SURVIVE on a day by day basis.

LIFE IS ABOUT CARING AND COMPASSION. NOT ABOUT REVENGE AND HURTING ONE ANOTHER.

I promise my journey into darkness will continue to help others..........

 

[Innocent Forever]

What I appreciate most about your thread, the sense I'm getting from it anyways, is the way you use your pain to help others, that you find meaning in helping others through your pain, that you are living as a proof that it's possible. I appreciate that, because, it's the only reason I can think of for myself as a raison d'etre, as a reason to live. I can't think of any other reason to live. It's not why I'm choosing life. It reminds me of the quote, I couldn't find it although I've looked often for it that said something like continue living you never know who will say that they are here today because of you.
And one day, Unknown, I hope you don't just SURVIVE on a day by day, moment by moment, basis, but THRIVE. See life as joy, as love, and get passed this to the other side, of happiness. I don't know what that side looks like, but, meet you there Yup, still in here, in the tunnel/cave (I really loved your description, actually, how you were metaphorically describing what it feels like), but I want to chart a path outwards. Or as I've said, I feel like the tunnel walls have caved in and there is no tunnel out, but can chart a new path out, can pave a new way, for others to follow. That's what you're doing. You inspire me. Keep on going. And hope you feel good, today.

Edit: And now I'm feeling really awkward. I didn't really plan on writing this all. Didn't think through what I want to say. Have a great day, my friend.

 

[Unknown_111]

What I appreciate most about your thread, the sense I'm getting from it anyways, is the way you use your pain to help others, that you find meaning in helping others through your pain, that you are living as a proof that it's possible. I appreciate that, because, it's the only reason I can think of for myself as a raison d'etre, as a reason to live. I can't think of any other reason to live. It's not why I'm choosing life. It reminds me of the quote, I couldn't find it although I've looked often for it that said something like continue living you never know who will say that they are here today because of you.
And one day, Unknown, I hope you don't just SURVIVE on a day by day, moment by moment, basis, but THRIVE. See life as joy, as love, and get passed this to the other side, of happiness. I don't know what that side looks like, but, meet you there Yup, still in here, in the tunnel/cave (I really loved your description, actually, how you were metaphorically describing what it feels like), but I want to chart a path outwards. Or as I've said, I feel like the tunnel walls have caved in and there is no tunnel out, but can chart a new path out, can pave a new way, for others to follow. That's what you're doing. You inspire me. Keep on going. And hope you feel good, today.

Edit: And now I'm feeling really awkward. I didn't really plan on writing this all. Didn't think through what I want to say. Have a great day, my friend.

Thank you for your kind words. I hope our tunnels pass through together one day and realise the fight we endure together will have a purpose in the end. As someone hopes I rot in hell, then so be it but if I am destined to leave this planet called "earth" then so be it with repercussions to those who hate me and also to inspire others to live for the day. We cannot plan for when we go but together our emotional scars get us through the day.

I salute you @Innocent Forever and YOU have my upmost respect.

I promise my story will continue................

TO MY HATERS, HATE ME AS MUCH YOU WANT BUT REMEMBER I FORGIVE YOU FOR HATING ME......

REMEMBER LIFE IS ALL ABOUT COMPASSION......

 

[Innocent Forever]

You're male, right?
How old are you? (I'm just curious, and should probably PM that instead)
Wishing you a meaningful, centred day

 

[Petal]

You are the most wonderful, caring, thoughtful kind person ever, you are amazing. Be kind to yourself and keep that head held very high.

 

[Unknown_111]

You are the most wonderful, caring, thoughtful kind person ever, you are amazing. Be kind to yourself and keep that head held very high.

Thanks Petal. Your words mean a lot as I have a long journey ahead of me for the next thirty years. (I hope I'm still here) I survive on a day by day simply because of this forum.

 

[Innocent Forever]

How are you?