Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.

[Unknown_111]

Hello @Unknown_111. I really understand you. When i was young i did some awefull things. I feel guilty/shamefull and regretfull of these things. I dont think i will ever be able to forgive myself, but i try to...i dont know, make up for it, try to correct what i can and generally be kind and helpfull to people. I know it will never be enough, but i do what i can and hope that there is no jugement after death. Keep up the good work

Respect my friend. Your words mean a lot. Whenever my death comes, whether naturally or at the hands of others, I know that I will leave a legacy for others to read to know who much I struggled but help others. At the end of the day, I know now that life is the most important thing and nothing else matters.

You keep fighting everyday and take care my friend.

 

[Unknown_111]

The working environment has improved but I am not letting my guard down give amount of verbal abuse I suffered from certain individuals. I stay quiet and continue with my work to earn an income to raise the funds required to increase the compensation.

The next ten years are going to be hard but I think I deserve that for the unnecessary hurt I caused to the third party. I hope this third party has forgotten about me as I deserve to be wiped from their memory.

I hurt everyday suffering alone in darkness but I fight my way through as I have no choice. The urges for "final committment" are still strong but I fight the urge everyday. It's a hard battle but one day I will either win or ultimately defeated.

I feel I must suffer as I honour my impossible promise. I will never betray this third party even it means me taking my life. I let the people mock me everyday but I will never my guard down. I over think about everything but I try to happiness to someone's day knowing that I might not be here tomorrow. Sometimes we all think we hope we don't wake up the next day.

WRONG...!!! YOU HAVE TO FIGHT FOR LIFE EVEN WHEN THERE IS NO PURPOSE. PLEASE STAY STRONG AND CONTINUE TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE.

I say again, I promise my story will continue......

 

[Baicha]

I read do much pain in your words, but so much strength also. I'm truly sorry life is so hard, stay strong. Don't let the b*****ds grind you down!

 

[Unknown_111]

I read do much pain in your words, but so much strength also. I'm truly sorry life is so hard, stay strong. Don't let the b*****ds grind you down!

Thank you for your words. They give the determination I need today to survive. It means a lot knowing that someone recognises my pain. I would shed tears externally right now but I shed them inside instead.

Thank you so much. I promise my story will continue......

 

[Unknown_111]

I did something wrong and stupid. I apologised for my actions but some people decide to make a point about it. I told them in no definition e way but I admitted I acted "childish".

I reminded someone that I was banned from using a phone in works time by someone. Suddenly the conversation became quiet. I thought that would put a stop to the conversation.

I contacted the person and offered them compensation for any damages caused. My life is terrible where the constant focus on me everyday gets one down.

It's true what they say when you focus someone's weaknesses they soon back off. The constant pointing finger at me is not nice and I have to justify my existence. I hate it everyday but I am determined to put up with it as I need to earn a income to survive on and raise the compensation for the next ten years.

I fight everyday to survive. But the ironic is that the people who focus on me use their phones during the working hours. Too funny as I continue to get this level of verbal harassment. I want everyone to know how much I suffered and still suffer to this day.

I will never betray the third party and even if this story is released to the masses then others will realise that I also suffered and did not have a happy existence.

I promise my story will continue.......

FOLKS KEEP FIGHTING EVERYDAY FOR YOUR LIFE LIKE ME.

 

[anya]

<3

 

[Unknown_111]

<3

Thank you. This message really made my day. Respect to YOU.

 

[anya]

I mean it

 

[Unknown_111]

I mean it

<3 to YOU as well.

 

[Innocent Forever]

I feel bad that haven't read the last few pages of what you've written. Please drop me a line sometime and let me know how you're doing. Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you. Take care...!

 

[Unknown_111]

I feel bad that haven't read the last few pages of what you've written. Please drop me a line sometime and let me know how you're doing. Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you. Take care...!

Thank you for your kind and very supportive words. Don't worry as I continue to survive on a day by day basis. I fall down but I get up and fight for life everyday. You take care and look after yourself.

I promise you my story will continue... As a child you are always taught one thing.

"Promises are kept and never broken..,"

 

[Unknown_111]

Again another tough day. Early someone tried to upset by calling me indirect "dogshit" but I feel like this everyday I wake up. I have learnt not to react to such comments during the day. These so called friends don't understand what loyalty is about as they continue to ridicule me. One of them called me a "fantasist" and that I was making things up. I gently reminded this person, that they ordered me not to use a mobile during working hours. I explained that I remember the conversation clearly and reminded this person of the so-called "trouser" incident back in 2014.

They stated that I was over reacting. I remember it vividly and it was when I was having a complete mental breakdown. The constant ridculing and stating that I might be "bi-polar" was not nice. Perhaps I over reacted. An individual started to get involved and kindly reminded this person that it was nothing to do with them.

These do not realise how much I suffered at the hands of others and one of them nearly made me take my life back in September 2015 by riducling me. I know that I did wrong but I nearly ended up taking my life. I recorded my experience to help others and make others realise I suffer everyday but I learnt one think you cannot put a price on a human's life. I want others to read this and learn from my own experience that SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER AT ALL.

I still suffer everyday, which I personally think is what I deserve, but others need to realise I nearly took my own life back in December 2014. I hope I get spat at in my face but I hope others read and some perhaps might have a different judgement of me. Heh, tomorrow will be new day and a new life experience.

I promise my story will continue.....

 

[ChimeraMonster]

Again another tough day. Early someone tried to upset by calling me indirect "dogshit" but I feel like this everyday I wake up. I have learnt not to react to such comments during the day. These so called friends don't understand what loyalty is about as they continue to ridicule me. One of them called me a "fantasist" and that I was making things up. I gently reminded this person, that they ordered me not to use a mobile during working hours. I explained that I remember the conversation clearly and reminded this person of the so-called "trouser" incident back in 2014.

They stated that I was over reacting. I remember it vividly and it was when I was having a complete mental breakdown. The constant ridculing and stating that I might be "bi-polar" was not nice. Perhaps I over reacted. An individual started to get involved and kindly reminded this person that it was nothing to do with them.

These do not realise how much I suffered at the hands of others and one of them nearly made me take my life back in September 2015 by riducling me. I know that I did wrong but I nearly ended up taking my life. I recorded my experience to help others and make others realise I suffer everyday but I learnt one think you cannot put a price on a human's life. I want others to read this and learn from my own experience that SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER AT ALL.

I still suffer everyday, which I personally think is what I deserve, but others need to realise I nearly took my own life back in December 2014. I hope I get spat at in my face but I hope others read and some perhaps might have a different judgement of me. Heh, tomorrow will be new day and a new life experience.

I promise my story will continue.....

Continue like this. Going straight. Being strong.

 

[Unknown_111]

Continue like this. Going straight. Being strong.

Thank you. Your reply makes me get stronger and more determined to achieve my ultimate impossible promise. I suffer anguish but this keep has kept me alive and I want to share my experience for others to see LIFE IS ABOUT LIVING AND NOT DOING THE ULITMATE SACRIFICE.

I promise my story will continue........

 

[Unknown_111]

On Thursday, I met a homeless person who I helped and this person was grateful for my help. I feel that when I become homeless one day that I will feel welcomed as I feel that earned some respect.

I always keep reminding myself that you always one pay check away to be living on the street. You have to appreciate the simple things in life when YOU hit rock bottom and not to take everything for granted. When I first joined here, I really appreciated the air I breathed into my soulless body. From that point on I began to understand that LIFE ITSELF IS PRECIOUS AND THAT EACH LIVING DAY IS ABOUT SURVIVING THE BEST YOU CAN.

Coming back to the homeless person, I bought them so tobacco and the smile on this person's face was great which inspired me to continue to help others day to day basis.
The homeless person appreciated and as a geninue act of kindness they would share it with two other colleagues. A simple act of kindness was appreciated and it uplifted my spirits as well as others.

I might not win this battle of darkness but I am determined to live each day. Each day might be hard but I know when it's my turn to go to hell, at least I helped the others in my hour of need. Sometimes it's takes an unselfish act of kindness to make others realise YOU AND LIFE ARE IMPORTANT WHERE THE FEELINGS OF DOING THE FINAL COMMITTMENT MIGHT STILL PREVAIL WITHIN.

One funny thought, I made a very nasty comment on yesterday to a person who made my life unbearable last two years. This person did not like the comment in anyway and I stated it was just a joke. Hopefully this person will realise that comments hurt others feelings such as I nearly once consider taking my life with one of their comments back in September 2015.

I will never forget these comments but I know one thing I will never betray the person who believed in me to follow their dreams. I deserve to live a nightmare even though I lose everything including my life one day by doing the "final committment". At least, I fought to live each day and helped the less fortunate.

YOU don't have to be mega rich with dollars but it's better to be kind in your heart with unselfish acts of kindness. The darkness still prevails but I promise my story will continue.......

I might considered be scum by a lot of people but remember I suffered everyday to survive with the pressure.

LEARN FROM MY STORY THAT THE ACT OF THE FINAL COMMITTMENT IS NOT THE ANSWER BUT LIFE ITSELF IS.....

TOGETHER WE FIGHT FOR EACH OTHER AND SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER. SIMPLY BECAUSE WE ARE ALL FAMILY IN OUR HOME CALLED EARTH.

AS THE ALIENS WOULD SAYS... TAKE CARE EARTHLINGS AND WE WILL AS WE BATTLE TOGETHER IN THE HUMAN RACE.

LIKE THE SONGS SAYS ... ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOUR SOUL, YOU GOT THE POWER TO KNOW YOU ARE INDESTRUCTIBLE.

 

[Unknown_111]

I was put in my place today as someone reminded me with the comments of "dogshit" which done on purpose but I ignored these futile comments trying to get a reaction out of me. It was stated twice with a three minute gap between them. I am aware that this person is trying to rattle me but I will not be perturbed by this person.

This person is trying to provoke reaction but remember one thing I have from a very bad mental breakdown and still very much in a recovery mode. The constant reminders help me fight everyday for my life. I know one I am worse that this phrase but I will never take revenge for the hurt I caused and what I suffered at the hands of others. I know one thing my revenge will be my act of the "final committment" if I ever need to do that in order to show my remorse for what I did.

I personally believe I don't deserve any respect but too keep punishing myself for pain I caused to the third party because this person deserves all the happiness in the world whilst I suffer in darkness. Many people who read this passage in the near future may have a different opinion of me. What I write is straight from the heart and my so-called soul which I feel is soulless everyday I walk on this planet knowing I carry a guilt of shame for everyday of my life.

Personally, I do not deserve happiness but to use my life-changing experience to show others that the "final committment" is not the right thing to do but to survive even on a day by day basis. You have to survive as that is the most animal instinct we should feel given once we were evolved from animal origins .(Based scientifically on Charles Darwin's theory) I apologise to the religious folk if you think differently but using my fifth amendment right.

Remember one thing, I promise my story will continue....

 

[Unknown_111]

On Wednesday, I reached the first milestone of 42 milestones. The road ahead is long and winding one but I know I made a heavy committment which I must honour. I know the heartache I caused this third party but I shed tears from eyes knowing they come naturally from my heart. I punish myself because I simply care for the hurt I caused and I feel remorseful to feel the hurt for the rest of entire life.

I want people to read no matter what you have gone through YOU MUST FIGHT FOR LIFE AS THERE IS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN LIFE ITSELF. The mental abuse I still suffer at the hands of others is nothing but what I deserve. Yesterday, one particular kept saying the word "Dogshit" just to get a reaction which I don't react to but just go on keeping busy.

I still have knowing that I must help others in my life and here as it's the only right thing to do. Sometimes .YOU have to stand up alone and fight the demons from within who only want you to do the "final committment". If I end up the "final committment" then others will read and know I suffered a lot of pain. I don't want fame or fortune from my life changing experience but to show others that YOU can overcome anything YOU are put through with courage and care.

We are all in the boat and that's what makes this SF COMMUNITY SO SPECIAL AS TOGETHER WE HAVE A STRONG BOND AND WE ARE ALL FAMILY WITHOUT ANY BLOOD TIES. With the use of modern technology we can help each other knowing there is someone in the world sitting on a mountain or beach who cares when we think we have no one in our physical life.

SO PLEASE TAKE THE VIRTUAL HANDS WE OFFER AND LETS US HELP YOU FROMTHE DARKNESS INTO THE SHINY LIGHT OF LIKE. If there is no light, then I shall go down the hardware and change a light bulb for us all. ( Cheeky light hearted moment as ever ) .

Yes, with all seriousness we write here, everyone's entitled to be cheeky sometimes. So grab the light and please live another day as it's important or alternative switch on light from the lamp/light switch. Remember artificial light is better no light.

Take care everyone and remember one thing.....

I PROMISE MY STORY WILL CONTINUE...............

Damn my light switch is not working........ I got to put 10 cents into the meter......

 

[Innocent Forever]

Just saying hi
Thinking of you

 

[Unknown_111]

Just saying hi
Thinking of you

Thank it means so much as I continue the long journey into the darkness. The support is appreciated as I continue my journey on a day by day basis not knowing whether I going to life and cannot plan any future. I treat each day as my last day knowing I did some good whilst others want to see me to fail with their judgement,

I promise my story will continue.....

 

[Unknown_111]

Someone described me to have a golden-heart yesterday but given what I have gone through I have what you describe as a "darkened heart" and this has been as a result of my life changing experience. Once, like all the day walkers money was my passion but now life is itself is more important. I have learnt that from my experience. I might battle everyday to live another day but I will continue to help others with their lives and try to help them to achieve their dreams.

I still hear the cries from hell asking me to join them in hell everyday but I am determined to continue with my self-battle. It's both a complete battle mentally and physically which I am determined to achieve no matter what the outcome is. I want to show others the days of darkness can one day, perhaps not in my life, become days of light for YOU.

If I can survive my journey of darkness walking with my head in shame then YOU CAN. The pressure I have so much endured tells me that I can survive. The scars I carry on my back might not heal but I will use whatever time I have got left to help others.

When I go to hell, my cries and screams of remorse will join the others but will not be heard by the rest who continue to walk on this planet called "earth". I know I must choose life or my act of the "final committment" what others consider "justice" will mean something to the ones who I have saved here.

I cry as I write this update but I promise my story will continue..............