Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.

[Brian777]

Hey my brother, I know you suffer and I know you're remorseful for whatever brought you to this point. Just know that we are all guilty of something and most of us feel remorse, know that you're not alone and that we care about you here.
To me you're a good person, I believe that from your writing, it's all in perspective. Take care my friend.

 

[Unknown_111]

Oh no, please don't cry Ç-Ç


... You don't need to forgive them , you know...

You REALLY sound like a hero.

Thank for you. When I was replying my battery failed. I apologise for that. I crashed heavily for past two days but as ever I got up again and try to live another. Each day is getting harder but I am determined to move on with life. The next twenty seven days are important as my income circumstances might change forever. It's another major blow I face but I determined to hold on to my dignity and self-respect. That's all I have left now.

 

[Unknown_111]

Hey my brother, I know you suffer and I know you're remorseful for whatever brought you to this point. Just know that we are all guilty of something and most of us feel remorse, know that you're not alone and that we care about you here.
To me you're a good person, I believe that from your writing, it's all in perspective. Take care my friend.

Thanks Brian. The message of support means a lot. I have struggled the past two days but knowing that someone understands my pain means a lot.

I promise my story will continue........

 

[Innocent Forever]

Sending lotsa hugs my friend....
I haven't been on in a long while, and haven't been really reading the forums since I am back on here. I'm so sad to read about how hard it is or you right now. I wish there were something I can do to lighten the burden you're carrying. Being that I can't, just know that I, we, care a lot about you. You're someone very special. I believe in you. I don't know how many of the 30 days are left, but, you CAN, WILL, and ARE doing it. Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Lotsa hugs. Stay safe.

 

[Unknown_111]

Sending lotsa hugs my friend....
I haven't been on in a long while, and haven't been really reading the forums since I am back on here. I'm so sad to read about how hard it is or you right now. I wish there were something I can do to lighten the burden you're carrying. Being that I can't, just know that I, we, care a lot about you. You're someone very special. I believe in you. I don't know how many of the 30 days are left, but, you CAN, WILL, and ARE doing it. Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Lotsa hugs. Stay safe.

Hi, I'm touched by your words. I'm only talking about change of income circumstances. I might out of a job and it means I might not able to make any money donations back to this forum which saves my life on a daily basis. I thank you for your concern.

Heh, I might be down but I learn from experience. You fight for your life every day.

 

[Unknown_111]

Today,I'm very down not knowing where I am going to be except on a day by day basis. I have tried to make up some many wrong in the past by helping here, helping the homeless, giving large amounts of dollars to change other people's lives around. It might sound but I fear the grim reaper is close at hand and is going to drag to the gates of hell. I'm pleading for the sake the ones I want to protect and really fear for their future. I might be labelled as "dogshit" by others and was constantly reminded by others to my face.

I promise my story will continue. ....

 

[Innocent Forever]

Just to wish you a good day

 

[Unknown_111]

Just to wish you a good day

Thank you so much. That was the to nice I just needed right now. I have calmed down a lot now.

 

[Unknown_111]

I survived again. But I have been regressing through my past and realised through the power of my memory how I much I watched telly and that affected my up bringing. I think that there a lot I wish I could re - address but we all think that.
As a kid growing I watched alot of American sitcoms and no doubt copied like behaviour in the my upbringing.

I faced a lot of mental bullying when growing up in a school environment where a lot of kids had right wings views and it was fine to reflect that. I tried to mix but the mixing was not good. The only way I survived was through educating myself. I thought the right thing to do live in the best of both worlds or mix in like a big cooking pot of different cultures, colours, languages and food. I learnt a lot and like to learn new things in life.

 

[TheChimeraMonster]

Hey dear, stay strong, we are always waiting for you to get back home. To get back here.
Breath slow, one step at a time, and treat yourself with care, kindness and love.
And remember
Everything is alright.

 

[Unknown_111]

Hey dear, stay strong, we are always waiting for you to get back home. To get back here.
Breath slow, one step at a time, and treat yourself with care, kindness and love.
And remember
Everything is alright.

Your support is very important as I stayed quiet whilst others try to cover their track. Suddenly people are being nice even though I was verbally harassed as year. I have being biding my time simply counting the days down it find out whether I have lost my job. If I have then at least it's apart of the karma process. I know I must fight everyday for my life. I think the break will be refreshing for me mentally and physically as I can rebuild physical health since breaking my ankle.

I get down everyday but I have learnt that you get and fight everyday. I am determined to get back on my feet and continue the impossible promise.

I know I will survive but a day at a time.

 

[Unknown_111]

Quick update, I'm surviving on a daily basis. I am still getting judged and constant criticism. I am very determined not to break this vow of silence as I have a heavy committment. I am determined to keep the impossible promise. I still suffer from a high level of what I class "mental terrorism" from others. Comments like "Your nuts" is not very supportive. Someone indirectly stating the "dogshit" is very clever even though this person would protest their so-called innocence.

I might be down but I very determined to punish myself very say and do this impossible promise. I have the spirit to fight for every day of my life whilst suffering at the hands of others. I will help anyone as that's my nature but I will never judge anyone at all. We all do bad things but we learn from our past to become a strong person into the he future or help others to move forward in life.

I might walk everyday hurting but I know I that will help anyone anytime and anywhere. I don't have a future but live each day like its my last day. It's now a way of life for me.

I promise my story will continue...

 

[Innocent Forever]

Just wanted to wish you a most amazing day and remind you of how special you are.
Take care

 

[Unknown_111]

Just wanted to wish you a most amazing day and remind you of how special you are.
Take care

Thank you. So don't realise how your support gives faith in humanity.


I might struggle and live in fear when someone has the power in their hands to make do the "final committment".

I will never throw the first stone but let's others take vengeance on me. They can break me mentally and physically but I will keep my word to my very last intake of air. I breath into my lungs.

 

[Innocent Forever]

Thank you. So don't realise how your support gives faith in humanity.


I might struggle and live in fear when someone has the power in their hands to make do the "final committment".

I will never throw the first stone but let's others take vengeance on me. They can break me mentally and physically but I will keep my word to my very last intake of air. I breath into my lungs.

Take care my friend
You give lots around here
Stay strong. Be courageous. Live life each moment, a moment at a time.

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

Hang in there buddy (here a virtual hot chocolate) for you to keep fighting for the new day.

 

[Unknown_111]

Hang in there buddy (here a virtual hot chocolate) for you to keep fighting for the new day.

Thank you for your support. It means a lot.

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, I had a major setback yesterday as someone constantly criticised for working hard. I was at risk of losing my job so I am determined to fight and give 100% committment to keep my job. If I lose my job at least I know I tried working hard. The criticism caused to suffer from low self- esteem issues. Constant criticism does not help one's mental state. I suffered a complete mental breakdown back in 2014 and once person had immense pleasure making me suffering not knowing the bigger story.

I pity them but I will vow to fight on my daily battle in order to fight my right to survive my daily life battle. You folk are a total inspiration and never forget that. Your are my strength and hopefully I reprociate back by giving support to others. If I have saved one life then it's means the darkness and pain I suffer it worth it.

I bang my two hands to the floor everyday in order to fight my right to live. I know I repeating the same statement. I know I did wrong but I will never betray this third party even it means me taking my life to show remorse. I know now I deeply hurt this person but I still care for person as a fellow human being. I know really a simple sorry is not good enough for this person but fighting for life everyday will show this person who remorseful I am.

I still live in hope this journal might be some sort of acceptances to say sorry. I write from the heart even with spelling and grammar mistakes. Too funny, I'm even very sorry for the grammer mistakes.

I know that I will be never be forgiven but to learn live with hurt I still feel everyday in my head and heart. Even if I am forgivenI will learn from this experience to help anyone.

I make this promise. I promise my story will continue.

IF I CAN SURVIVE THEN YOU CAN SURVIVE. ITS QUITE SIMPLE WE ARE MEMBERS OF THE "SF FAMILY" AND TOGETHER WE SURVIVE THE BATTLE FOR LIFE.

HEAR MY BATTLE CRY AND DIG DEEP TO FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO LIVE LIFE...........

RESPECT TO YOU ALL........... THE WORLD MIGHT BE HORRIBLE BUT REMEMBER TO BE SAFE.

 

[lotusbomb37]

Spent all day walking aimlessly thinking why do I exist today. Felt like pressing the self-destruction button today. Met a lot of nice people today but still feel like pressing my button. Walking on a short fuse or on a tightrope with a black hole of death beneath me. Why do I bother living today? Life is so tough at the moment especially when wake up in a cold sweat worrying on how to cope with day. My escape is trying to focus on one thing at a time.

Sometimes I think of ending my existence, just another death statistic and tomorrow's recycled newspaper. Tried everything under the sun, but getting no where. Thought about self-harming today but stopped myself. I can understand why people self-harm. Just reliefs the pressure felt.

Some of you folk are amazing. I have a lot of utter respect on how you folk cope on a daily.

Just want to say thank you reading this post. Your comments would be gratefully appreciated. Respect SF

 

[Unknown_111]

On Friday, I reconnected with a couple of homeless people in the local town and I helped them. The spirit the homeless show me tells me that I can survive. I met a couple who needed my help and have appreciated. They thought I had disappeared but I told them I had broken my ankle and that I was still recovering.

This couple were trying to raise money and the heart strings pulled again and I gave them $10 dollars. They appreciated it and returned the respect by stating that when I lose everything I will need their as One day I might become homeless. They stated that they will teach me how to live street life.

When you are in the gutter and you become severely paranoid at thinking people are judging you, you reach out for help and sometimes the best way to find is learning how the others survive like the homeless. You must remember the beginning of life, when man/woman (Have to be PC even though I act non-PC) did not have cars, iPhones or brick-built houses we survived on the food of the land using our inbuilt animal instinct.

I don't want to open a "scientific vs religious" debate but perhaps the "Theory of Charles Darwin" was correct in that we evolved from ape. If you think about it, it might be right with the human instinct some of us portray like climbing trees or trying from jump from point "A" to "B" when we were young. Perhaps I have being reading/watching too much "Marvel" action comics. Remember we are naturally idolise a real person or fictional character.

Anyway, I seemed to get find a new level of confidence but this was soon destroyed by myself over-thinking and once again I became fragile. I still survive on a daily basis but this become a way of life. I need to learn from my experience and try to succeed with my life. I try to hard but mentally and physically it seems that I cannot move on with breaking down all the time.

I still got ridiculed at work but I keep quiet in order to keep the peace. I simply stated that for "every action there is a re-action". I survive because I have to achieve the impossible target and try to be inspirational to others to see when YOU hit rock bottom. YOU must never give up on life no matter how much pain you are going through.

I hate existing like this but I will never betray this third party. This third party can "betray" me but at least others can read this journal knowing that I did not take any revenge but tried my best to live life on a day by day basis. If I end up doing the "final committment" then this third party will need to realise that life is helping and improving others people's life.

YOU MUST FIGHT TO LIVE EACH DAY NO MATTER WHAT YOU FACE MENTALLY OR PHYSICALLY.

I promise my story will continue.........