You are not in the least bit stupid @Unknown_111. Your heart of gold shines out through your torment and have no doubt that its love and light illuminates the darkness for many others. I only wish you would believe the deep remorse you feel is a sign of forgiveness and of the goodness of your pure and compassionate heart. Blessings to you, dear friend.
-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.
- Thread starter Unknown_111
- Start date
Thank you for your kind words. It will help get through the day and I will continue to help here as much as I can. I hope YOU are ok and please keep fighting for your like others here. We are all together and help each other to get strong.
Your words have inspired me to continue my struggle and perhaps one day I might see the light in the near future......
I promise my story will continue.......
Your words have inspired me to continue my struggle and perhaps one day I might see the light in the near future......
I promise my story will continue.......
Last Friday I met some in a shopping mall who inspired me by telling to keep fighting for my life. She was elderly and stated that to fight for my right to live life even though I still see the darkness.
She told of a yoga technique which was to shut the blinds , lie down and light a candle with your feet raised high. Then to focus on your candle to help you distress and relieve tension. I will give this a go but I kept myself busy by OCDing on cleaning duties. Keeping busy helped me to focus away from looking at suicidal techniques. I must admit I still after three years still looking at methods. I cannot go into detail but the feelings are still there everyday.
I slept most of the weekend because I lacked the motivation but after a long rest I am so determined to do this impossible promise.
Later on yesterday, I recieved some sad news that someone is suffering from health complications. This person is very close and I could not show my heartache as I have to watch this person go to the other life with peace. It's hard to see someone who worked hard all their life suffering from long term complications. All I can do is try to make this person's life comfortable for their period of life. I might act heartless sometimes but that's to hide my true feelings.
Today, I am down but I know I must fight for my life even though this sudden news has made me have a set back. Hey, when you dealt with some bad cards in life, you have to try you best to deal with deck of cards you have been dealt with.
I will rest today before I go ahead to do the impossible promise.
I promise my story will continue......
Even though I have a set back yesterday, I will survive another day and your folk are my strength to keep fighting for my life......
IF I CAN SURVIVE THE ENDURING DARKNESS THEN YOU CAN... TAKE THE STRENGTH FROM ME TO HELP YOU TO SURVIVE THE PAIN WE ALL FEEL.....
FROM THE DARK, DARK PLACE WE ARE IN WE CAN TRANSFORM INTO LIGHT. SO PLEASE SEEK THE LIGHT YOU DESERVE LIKE I DO..... THE DARKNESS I FACE IS HARD BUT TOGETHER WE CAN SURVIVE.......
She told of a yoga technique which was to shut the blinds , lie down and light a candle with your feet raised high. Then to focus on your candle to help you distress and relieve tension. I will give this a go but I kept myself busy by OCDing on cleaning duties. Keeping busy helped me to focus away from looking at suicidal techniques. I must admit I still after three years still looking at methods. I cannot go into detail but the feelings are still there everyday.
I slept most of the weekend because I lacked the motivation but after a long rest I am so determined to do this impossible promise.
Later on yesterday, I recieved some sad news that someone is suffering from health complications. This person is very close and I could not show my heartache as I have to watch this person go to the other life with peace. It's hard to see someone who worked hard all their life suffering from long term complications. All I can do is try to make this person's life comfortable for their period of life. I might act heartless sometimes but that's to hide my true feelings.
Today, I am down but I know I must fight for my life even though this sudden news has made me have a set back. Hey, when you dealt with some bad cards in life, you have to try you best to deal with deck of cards you have been dealt with.
I will rest today before I go ahead to do the impossible promise.
I promise my story will continue......
Even though I have a set back yesterday, I will survive another day and your folk are my strength to keep fighting for my life......
IF I CAN SURVIVE THE ENDURING DARKNESS THEN YOU CAN... TAKE THE STRENGTH FROM ME TO HELP YOU TO SURVIVE THE PAIN WE ALL FEEL.....
FROM THE DARK, DARK PLACE WE ARE IN WE CAN TRANSFORM INTO LIGHT. SO PLEASE SEEK THE LIGHT YOU DESERVE LIKE I DO..... THE DARKNESS I FACE IS HARD BUT TOGETHER WE CAN SURVIVE.......
Last edited:
Sorry to hear about the person close to you, and I'm sure your presence and strength will bring them comfort and peace. Still wishing you the same @Unknown_111.
I am compelled to write again as my sea of emotions were calm on Wednesday as I was inspired by a 86 year old gentlemen where we had a wonderful conversation about life and he told me how lived through WW2 as a young six year old and watched the devastion of human life. He stated that the innonect lives lost in those years had taught him that life mattered. Also my thoughts are the innonece loss of life experienced yesterday in the northern hemisphere. I don't want to start a political debate but just point out whatever we face we must realise one thing " LIFE IS IMPORTANT".
Yesterday, the day started fine but unfortunately I suffered a severe cut on my lower part of my body. It bleed heavy and given what I saw I imagined what it would like to do the "final committment". I took the experienced as a stimulation experience and from that the calmness of my own sea turned into a torrid storm where I completely broke down to the floor and swept tears like I never had done in a long time.
I don't but I assume like many others here we all breakdown on our own but I learnt even though I collapsed to the floor at the sight of blood flowing from my injury, like on many occasions, I had to get myself and compose myself in order to carry the fake front for others I deal on a day to day basis.
I stopped the stem of blood and treated my injury. I have a condition where I have to make sure that cuts are healing well or I could face amputation. The little experience brought back the whole espisode of my life which I am truly and sincerely sorry for.
On the other hand, I composed myself and was very determined to do the impossible promise. I could not believe a trivial open wound could cause me to crash severely. It might sound stupid but it shows me we all do get affected by certain events and we must come to peace in our mind in order fore fill the full circle of life (more money royalties to Disney "The Lion King" film, pinching their phrase
).
But on a serious note we all face hardship with our own experiences whether it's the present, past and future. But, WE MUST AS HUMAN BEINGS MUST NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT FOR LIFE. YOU MATTER AND YOUR LIFE MATTERS.
I know like many others here the suicidal tendencies are prevalent every minute but when YOU have hit rock bottom, YOU HAVE TO GET UP AND CONTINUE TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE.
You could compare it to a boxing fight where YOU are in corner and DEATH in a metaphor sense is in the other. I hope YOU can see that YOU have no choice but to come out fighting and to lifting your internal spirits. I appreciate this might sound like a ludricous picture but think we all fighting in the same corner. Each one of us are the coach to the other.
I hope one day and also same applies to YOU ALL, they we win this I imaginary boxing fight and see the light as our victory.
More cliche lines, I hope I don't start shouting one day "Adrian, I love you !!!" like Rocky Balboa. ( More royalties to the Rocky film producers.)
IF I CAN SURVIVE/FIGHT THE BATTLE OF LIFE, SO CAN YOU......
One more thang....... (Hope it's the right street word??? )
I promise my story will continue..................
Yesterday, the day started fine but unfortunately I suffered a severe cut on my lower part of my body. It bleed heavy and given what I saw I imagined what it would like to do the "final committment". I took the experienced as a stimulation experience and from that the calmness of my own sea turned into a torrid storm where I completely broke down to the floor and swept tears like I never had done in a long time.
I don't but I assume like many others here we all breakdown on our own but I learnt even though I collapsed to the floor at the sight of blood flowing from my injury, like on many occasions, I had to get myself and compose myself in order to carry the fake front for others I deal on a day to day basis.
I stopped the stem of blood and treated my injury. I have a condition where I have to make sure that cuts are healing well or I could face amputation. The little experience brought back the whole espisode of my life which I am truly and sincerely sorry for.
On the other hand, I composed myself and was very determined to do the impossible promise. I could not believe a trivial open wound could cause me to crash severely. It might sound stupid but it shows me we all do get affected by certain events and we must come to peace in our mind in order fore fill the full circle of life (more money royalties to Disney "The Lion King" film, pinching their phrase
).But on a serious note we all face hardship with our own experiences whether it's the present, past and future. But, WE MUST AS HUMAN BEINGS MUST NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT FOR LIFE. YOU MATTER AND YOUR LIFE MATTERS.
I know like many others here the suicidal tendencies are prevalent every minute but when YOU have hit rock bottom, YOU HAVE TO GET UP AND CONTINUE TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE.
You could compare it to a boxing fight where YOU are in corner and DEATH in a metaphor sense is in the other. I hope YOU can see that YOU have no choice but to come out fighting and to lifting your internal spirits. I appreciate this might sound like a ludricous picture but think we all fighting in the same corner. Each one of us are the coach to the other.
I hope one day and also same applies to YOU ALL, they we win this I imaginary boxing fight and see the light as our victory.
More cliche lines, I hope I don't start shouting one day "Adrian, I love you !!!" like Rocky Balboa. ( More royalties to the Rocky film producers.)
IF I CAN SURVIVE/FIGHT THE BATTLE OF LIFE, SO CAN YOU......
One more thang....... (Hope it's the right street word??? )
I promise my story will continue..................
Last edited:
I am compelled to write again as my sea of emotions were calm on Wednesday as I was inspired by a 86 year old gentlemen where we had a wonderful conversation about life and he told me how lived through WW2 as a young six year old and watched the devastion of human life. He stated that the innonect lives lost in those years had taught him that life mattered. Also my thoughts are the innonece loss of life experienced yesterday in the northern hemisphere. I don't want to start a political debate but just point out whatever we face we must realise one thing " LIFE IS IMPORTANT".
Yesterday, the day started fine but unfortunately I suffered a severe cut on my lower part of my body. It bleed heavy and given what I saw I imagined what it would like to do the "final committment". I took the experienced as a stimulation experience and from that the calmness of my own sea turned into a torrid storm where I completely broke down to the floor and swept tears like I never had done in a long time.
I don't but I assume like many others here we all breakdown on our own but I learnt even though I collapsed to the floor at the sight of blood flowing from my injury, like on many occasions, I had to get myself and compose myself in order to carry the fake front for others I deal on a day to day basis.
I stopped the stem of blood and treated my injury. I have a condition where I have to make sure that cuts are healing well or I could face amputation. The little experience brought back the whole espisode of my life which I am truly and sincerely sorry for.
On the other hand, I composed myself and was very determined to do the impossible promise. I could not believe a trivial open wound could cause me to crash severely. It might sound stupid but it shows me we all do get affected by certain events and we must come to peace in our mind in order fore fill the full circle of life (more money royalties to Disney "The Lion King" film, pinching their phrase ).
But on a serious note we all face hardship with our own experiences whether it's the present, past and future. But, WE MUST AS HUMAN BEINGS MUST NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT FOR LIFE. YOU MATTER AND YOUR LIFE MATTERS.
I know like many others here the suicidal tendencies are prevalent every minute but when YOU have hit rock bottom, YOU HAVE TO GET UP AND CONTINUE TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE.
You could compare it to a boxing fight where YOU are in corner and DEATH in a metaphor sense is in the other. I hope YOU can see that YOU have no choice but to come out fighting and to lifting your internal spirits. I appreciate this might sound like a ludricous picture but think we all fighting in the same corner. Each one of us are the coach to the other.
I hope one day and also same applies to YOU ALL, they we win this I imaginary boxing fight and see the light as our victory.
More cliche lines, I hope I don't start shouting one day "Adrian, I love you !!!" like Rocky Balboa. ( More royalties to the Rocky film producers.)
IF I CAN SURVIVE/FIGHT THE BATTLE OF LIFE, SO CAN YOU......
One more thang....... (Hope it's the right street word??? )
I promise my story will continue..................
Yesterday, the day started fine but unfortunately I suffered a severe cut on my lower part of my body. It bleed heavy and given what I saw I imagined what it would like to do the "final committment". I took the experienced as a stimulation experience and from that the calmness of my own sea turned into a torrid storm where I completely broke down to the floor and swept tears like I never had done in a long time.
I don't but I assume like many others here we all breakdown on our own but I learnt even though I collapsed to the floor at the sight of blood flowing from my injury, like on many occasions, I had to get myself and compose myself in order to carry the fake front for others I deal on a day to day basis.
I stopped the stem of blood and treated my injury. I have a condition where I have to make sure that cuts are healing well or I could face amputation. The little experience brought back the whole espisode of my life which I am truly and sincerely sorry for.
On the other hand, I composed myself and was very determined to do the impossible promise. I could not believe a trivial open wound could cause me to crash severely. It might sound stupid but it shows me we all do get affected by certain events and we must come to peace in our mind in order fore fill the full circle of life (more money royalties to Disney "The Lion King" film, pinching their phrase
).But on a serious note we all face hardship with our own experiences whether it's the present, past and future. But, WE MUST AS HUMAN BEINGS MUST NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT FOR LIFE. YOU MATTER AND YOUR LIFE MATTERS.
I know like many others here the suicidal tendencies are prevalent every minute but when YOU have hit rock bottom, YOU HAVE TO GET UP AND CONTINUE TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE.
You could compare it to a boxing fight where YOU are in corner and DEATH in a metaphor sense is in the other. I hope YOU can see that YOU have no choice but to come out fighting and to lifting your internal spirits. I appreciate this might sound like a ludricous picture but think we all fighting in the same corner. Each one of us are the coach to the other.
I hope one day and also same applies to YOU ALL, they we win this I imaginary boxing fight and see the light as our victory.
More cliche lines, I hope I don't start shouting one day "Adrian, I love you !!!" like Rocky Balboa. ( More royalties to the Rocky film producers.)
IF I CAN SURVIVE/FIGHT THE BATTLE OF LIFE, SO CAN YOU......
One more thang....... (Hope it's the right street word??? )
I promise my story will continue..................
"NO! Never give up. Never surrender" - Jason Nesmith, "Galaxy Quest"
I'm surviving as ever but each day is a continue battle. I raised enough funds and placed $1000 dollars in the compensation fund that I need to give to the third party for the hurt I caused whilst I still suffer with constant criticism. Everyday I continue to keep busy by doing the impossible promise whilst others like to ridicule me a lot.
One person continues to use the word "Dogshit" indirectly to destroy my confidence. This person constantly tries to pick faults and tries to keep me in the constant limelight. I don't bother to communicate with this person because I know no matter how much criticism I suffer I will never betray the third party as I continue to suffer from this criticism. I have to continue to work to raise the income to raise a significant amount of money to compensate for the hurt I caused in the past. I know the money will never compensate for the hurt I caused but might will show how remorseful I am for the hurt I caused.
I know one thing, no matter how much anger I suffer I will never betray the third party but would help anyone to better themselves in life. Surely, my logic is right in that life is about caring and helping each other. I know that I must continue to help here as it's the right thing to do.
I promise that my story will continue even though I suffer at the hands of others...
One person continues to use the word "Dogshit" indirectly to destroy my confidence. This person constantly tries to pick faults and tries to keep me in the constant limelight. I don't bother to communicate with this person because I know no matter how much criticism I suffer I will never betray the third party as I continue to suffer from this criticism. I have to continue to work to raise the income to raise a significant amount of money to compensate for the hurt I caused in the past. I know the money will never compensate for the hurt I caused but might will show how remorseful I am for the hurt I caused.
I know one thing, no matter how much anger I suffer I will never betray the third party but would help anyone to better themselves in life. Surely, my logic is right in that life is about caring and helping each other. I know that I must continue to help here as it's the right thing to do.
I promise that my story will continue even though I suffer at the hands of others...
@Unknown_111
I see a nobility in your pursuits.
Very virtuous of you.
Thank you and stay strong.
If you need to make restitution and reconciliation, by all means you should do it. You should not feel guilty, that is wasted energy, and it will interfere with what you are trying to accomplish. Find a way to forgive yourself if you have not already. You want to help others better themselves, good, help yourself to be better also. Be strong. Don't let guilt or what other people say weaken you. You need that strength to help others.
You have my respect. Thank you for continuing your story.
I see a nobility in your pursuits.
Very virtuous of you.
Thank you and stay strong.
If you need to make restitution and reconciliation, by all means you should do it. You should not feel guilty, that is wasted energy, and it will interfere with what you are trying to accomplish. Find a way to forgive yourself if you have not already. You want to help others better themselves, good, help yourself to be better also. Be strong. Don't let guilt or what other people say weaken you. You need that strength to help others.
You have my respect. Thank you for continuing your story.
Thank you it means a lot. I survive because the support of this forum and helping others as that's only redemption I have left as others labelled me as somehing. That really hurt me and to this day this still hurts. I hope I survive but at the moment it only on a day by day basis. I don't know how I can live like this but I expect everyday to be my last day. Others need to realise even I am labelled as "dogshit" by certain, I will never betray the third party. I suffer because I deserve too but I remember how close I came to taking my life. Others might read this and think it lies but I survived to this day because the wonderful help of this forum. I give back to this forum as it's the right thing to do and make the support network the biggest in the world for others who are in a similar situation.
If I end up doing "the final committment" then I at least others can read he much I suffered in the past and to this day but I did not take any form of revenge. I hope others will judge those want new to fail.
Today I was at the end of my teather, as I nearly contacted the third party but decided not to because I made a committment to the third party. I will honour and let the third party have a peaceful life as it's the right thing to do. I might suffer everyday but this decision of mine is important as it hopefully shows the third party I cared for the hurt I caused.
People who read this need to realise that when dealing human emotions that the in this horrible monastery world we need to care for one another and when we have done a wrong to apologise to hurted ones. Also perhaps they will forgive you but I don't it will happen in my case. But heh, I have accepted and will forever be remorseful everyday of my life.
I say again like I have said on many ocassions I promise my story will continue.....
If I end up doing "the final committment" then I at least others can read he much I suffered in the past and to this day but I did not take any form of revenge. I hope others will judge those want new to fail.
Today I was at the end of my teather, as I nearly contacted the third party but decided not to because I made a committment to the third party. I will honour and let the third party have a peaceful life as it's the right thing to do. I might suffer everyday but this decision of mine is important as it hopefully shows the third party I cared for the hurt I caused.
People who read this need to realise that when dealing human emotions that the in this horrible monastery world we need to care for one another and when we have done a wrong to apologise to hurted ones. Also perhaps they will forgive you but I don't it will happen in my case. But heh, I have accepted and will forever be remorseful everyday of my life.
I say again like I have said on many ocassions I promise my story will continue.....
Never, I caused a lot of hurt as this person who truly trusted me and I must show the remorse to this person by doing what I promised to do. I accept this and this has become the most thing in my life. Each day I suffer will show how I cared about the person and nothing else.
Thank you for your reply, it meant a lot reading your post. I will survive another because of YOU.
Thank you for your reply, it meant a lot reading your post. I will survive another because of YOU.