Wandering around aimlessly

[lightning05]

I don't know where to go in order to not cry or feel bad. Inside my house I am sad but when I walk around outside to try and clear my mind I still keep crying. I'm worried I might start being seen as the crazy person who always walks around for hours crying. I wish I had more to occupy my time, this unemployment is so difficult. I want to be alone yet want someone to talk to. Every time someone talks to me I want to cry. I want relief from feeling like this, this is what drives me to become suicidal. It has been a long week of feeling like this. I want to get in my car and go somewhere but I don't trust myself to drive. Lost and hopeless is what I feel right now and it is so painful.

 

[ThePhantomLady]

It's good though that you do go outside and get some air. Are you listening to music when you do that? Perhaps make yourself a soundtrack you can listen to when you go for those walks?

You are going through a healing process right now, and that is very tough, but you are on the road to getting better! Don't forget that hun!

 

[Striking]

Unemployment is rough. I feel that your desire to cry when talking to someone is the isolation letting you know it's affecting you. Unemployment has a way of doing that.

If work is not coming try volunteering even if it's with a neighbor who needs help walking a dog. The park is a great place to find someone . Retirement community or rest home, those old folks will keep you entertained with stories at the very least.

Keep reaching out until the isolation doesn't have as strong a hold on you. One minute, hour, day at a time

 

[lightning05]

I think my desire to cry is coming from trying to "keep it together" also in front of others. I've finally taken a huge step and told my parents (who I now live with) the way I'm feeling and noticed that it helped me feel better. It's so hard to keep it bottled up, so at least I don't have to pretend to be happy so much anymore. I don't think they understand at all what it's like to feel like this, but they have not been negative in any way. I feel isolated because I'm the only one in my inner circle like "this" (major depression and suicidal).

@ThePhantomLady I like to listen to the birds and nature sounds when I walk, sometimes with headphones on I get inside my own head. In my house I need to listen to music because I tend to keep it silent and that makes the loneliness more intense. Thank you for bringing that up so I can remember to do that.

@Striking volunteer work is a good suggestion. I will look around. An animal shelter might help.