A lot of things (all rather serious and intense but that is me most of the time so wtf ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but especially how the rest of this year will end up being (how much longer there will be restrictions with things) when I'll see my sis again, when/if (rather not think of the "if" at all but I have to consider that it is a possibility) I'll be able to go to Cali to see the cool things I want to see there, whether I'll ever get certain psychological breaks put back together somehow, whether I'll ever feel even half my actual age (on all levels) and whether I'll ever be able to be a truly self-aware and more balanced person who has a lot less fear, doubt and therefore also less misery and suffering.