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Empathy Only Why am I at my breaking point now?

M

miningforhope416

Well-Known Member
#1
#1
Just took an AP Calculus AB test that was so fucking hard and I studied for an entire week for, I got 24/50, and I don’t know if I’ll even be able to pass the class, I have no idea what to do, I’m a HS senior, I’ve been an A-B student up to this point, save a couple of C’s a few quarters here and there. Now I’m at a fucking F. And it’s not that I’m a bad student, I have an A in EVERY other class, including a dual-credit college class, and a 29 ACT score, and I’m because I was able to get a year ahead in math compared to my peers. I’m a smart kid for my school, and certainly a very smart kid for my state (not ranked very high in education lol).

This seems to be the breaking point. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was 14, when I was 15-16 they were around, but only sometimes, now at 17 it seems they’re there almost every day. Like, why now? Why am I suddenly at my limit? Why is it that now everything is just going dark? Why is my life going to shit just now?!

I know I’ve tagged this as empathy only, but I’ll welcome actually good practical advice. Like none of that “talk to your teacher,” “study more and harder,” “talk to your counselor,” “it all gets better trust me,” I fucking heard it all. If you want to give me some practical advice I HAVEN’T heard yet and isn’t fucking cliché, then I will welcome it.
 
seabird

seabird

meandering home
SF Supporter
#2
#2
Sorry you're feeling dark and have the si. I think it's huge that with hard work you've made almost all A's. Have you started applying to schools yet? I know that if you can really finesse the writing portion of the applications that it will get the admissions departments attention. What else have you done besides claaes? Make sure you've documented it on your resume, etc. If you can forgive yourself and take a step back now to pasuse and consider plans A, B, C: like a gap year, or a year of a local college to get your calculus grade higher for just one example.
I hope I haven't dumped clichés on here.
 
M

miningforhope416

Well-Known Member
#3
#3
I mean ik I can really write a good application essay with untreated suicidal thoughts on it lol, but I really am not in the financial situation to apply to out of state schools at the moment, I’m currently planning to attend community college for two years because it’s free in my state, but I should probably write about my si when I transfer
 
seabird

seabird

meandering home
SF Supporter
#5
#5
I think writing about si but also about your dreams, plans, activities etc., as a balance to the si would be something to consider for the written part of the applications when you transfer.

Going to a 2-year school is a great step. I know a couple of people who did that, and it gave a great, almost free advantage. They're now (yeasr later) doing what they'd hoped to do.
 
may71

may71

mr. may
#9
#9
In principle you could write a letter or send an email to someone who you think could help, but would be the lowest risk for having a negative reaction. Maybe a counselor or teacher at school. Something indicating that the pressure is too much.

There are some parents who are very aggressive can't be reasoned with, and others less so. I can't evaluate how your parents would respond because I don't know them.
 
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