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Why can’t I get over this guilt?

I did a terrible thing to my half sister when I was only twelve. I hurt her and I feel like I don’t deserve to be forgiven. Despite that she has forgiven me after I apologized to her almost seven years later. We’ve started to rebuild a healthy relationship with each other and she expressed to me that I should forgive myself for what I did. I want to forgive myself but I can’t. My guilt is eating a way at me and I feel like a gross, disgusting, terrible person. I can’t help it. I did a bad thing and I can’t stop feeling like I’m a bad person for what I did. I feel ashamed and have begun to dislike myself. What should I do?


Well-Known Member
Hello. I deal with a lot of guilt too. I sort of don't think I need to forgive myself, not sure if that's healthy or not. I'm just trying to be my best each day. It eats at me too when I really think about it. I pray a lot too. Just trying to make better decisions.


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I also struggle with forgiving myself. One way to look at things that helps me is to think of if you sister had done the same thing to you would you forgive her? If you could forgive your sister do you no deserve the same amount of forgiveness? Sometimes we hold ourselves to a much higher standard then we hold everyone else to. Learning to give ourselves the same grace we give others is the key.
Sorry that you're going through this.

A lot of people try therapy. Family therapy where both you and your sister participate might also be an option.

The fact that you acknowledged what you did and apologized for it is something that goes a long way.

It sounds like your sister is not still affected by this, so I hope this is something that you can forgive yourself for.
Hey Mel,
welcome to sf. Seems like you are making better choices already- you joined SF. We will support & encourage you to find a way to keep living. Maybe someday, you could WANT to keep living.
As you know, no guarantees.
But, when you share & interact here, I think you will find others with similar feelings. Like the above posts👆.
it is hard to forgive. Just keep practicing.
I hope to see you around.


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Welcome to the forum and glad that you are reaching out here to others because we will care. I would take the cue of the victim, if that person has forgiven you it is saying a lot but forgiving yourself can be the toughest part. It does speak well of you as a person you feel the guilt and remorse when many others would ignore it or not care, so you do sound to be a decent sort of person.

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