Ideas & Opinions Would it be unethical to pursue a relationship while you're severely depressed?

[Evael]

As I've posted elsewhere, there's a person who was in my life that I was romantically attracted to but at the time, I decided not to act on my affections in part due to my own mental struggles. I believe it would be selfish to confide in who's essentially a stranger with these issues that are becoming omnipresent in my life. On the other hand, if I simply avoid them, I would be leaving out a part of my life that I believe could leave to distrust and a potential break-up later on, wasting both of our time and leading to a lot of grief. I wouldn't want to lie.

On the other hand, if these issues continue to persist as they have for years, regardless of whether or not they worsen, at what point would I be leaving out what should be an integral part of my life? Would I want to avoid these feelings forever because I believe it would be selfish of me to want a relationship with anyone? I can't tell if I'm being selfless or if rejecting these feelings is going to hurt me further. Granted, I don't know if it's worth pursuing a relationship with this person at this point but, for the future, it's something I would need to consider. There's no certainty my life will improve, so I don't know if these actions are righteous or not.

 

[seabird]

I am not a professional so can only speak from a subjective point of view. You're entitled to a relationship and all your feelings are yours, I mean of course those go without saying. It depends on you and the other person and how capable you both are to deal with the depression out in the open and honestly. Probably the best way to write it is to say that I got into my last relationship when I was much more depressed than I realized. As a result of that my judgement was way off. I missed a bunch of red flags. The break-up was devastating.

 

[may71]

I don't think it's unethical. Whether or not it's a good idea is another question.

I think it would be ok to ask her out on a date. You don't have to disclose every thing about yourself right away.

Maybe if you have a few dates with her, you could make the disclosure of both how much you like her, and that you're also going through a really difficult time. She can then make the decision for herself at that point if she feels like having a relationship is a good idea.

 

[Inastorm]

Its an interesting subject-would you feel it unethical to go into a intimate relationship with another person if you had one leg? one arm? had previously had a stroke?

I suppose it depends on how having mental struggles is going to impact them and the relationship. You need to create firm boundaries, as you are not wanting them to be a therapist and conversations are dominated by you saying to them how difficult everything is for you.

Youll need to try and create a balance and to have fun.

I believe it would be selfish to confide in who's essentially a stranger with these issues that are becoming omnipresent in my life.

Yes it is totally selfish to do the above, you dont need to, why do you want to share those things with someone at the beginning of a new relationship/ on a date? This is things you can talk about when you become friends, but not initially.

Just remember everyone has dealt with all kinds of things in their lifes, sometimes i think we medicalise our difficulties to the point where we are sick and cant engage in normal lives, which is untrue.

If you dont engage in general life stuff you will get over involved in your own head- its no big deal you have mental health problems, this doesnt make you special.

Good luck

 

[Evael]

Okay. I think I get it. Maybe I'm too hung up about myself, I know it's a bad habit of mine that I'm egocentric, I tend to talk about myself a lot. I should keep it in mind, bring it up sooner or later but not let it be the only thing I let define me. That's the right choice, isn't it? I'm so marred by self-doubt and I know there's no one who would admire this lack of confidence anyway.

I fail to realize we've all got our own flaws, too. No one's perfect. I can't keep blaming myself for not reaching a standard I set if I set it so high to begin with. I'm sure any partner would have her own flaws and if I can acknowledge the flaws of other people, I should be able to acknowledge my own as well. It's unreasonable to keep bringing myself down over this.

 

[Inastorm]

In my opinion confidence isn't about doing something without fear, confidence is about doing it anyway even if your terrified.

It's unreasonable to keep bringing myself down over this.

Yes it is - but i think you make a lot of sense from your post and I think you should get out there and meet some people.

Id suggest that you take the advice from Seabird - if your a little preoccupied because of your mental health stuff, take care not to miss any red flags from any people you meet.

It also wouldnt hurt to have a mental health action plan, the same as a healthy eating plan for the mind.

Take care.