A Broken Heart
- Thread starter 1Lefty
- Start date
@1Lefty
I usually automatically go to threads with 5 posts or less, so I missed this one completely. I'm just learning what this thread is about, but I'm glad to hear that the surgery went well!
Why are you going to lose your transportation in a few months?
I usually automatically go to threads with 5 posts or less, so I missed this one completely. I'm just learning what this thread is about, but I'm glad to hear that the surgery went well!
Why are you going to lose your transportation in a few months?
My vehicle finally wore out, and I can't afford to replace it. My friend loaned me his second car, but wants it back when the weather turns and he puts his good car into winter storage
peace
Hi - I haven't pursued the follow up program, my interest and activity levels have pretty much returned to what they were before surgery
Thanks for checking in, you're a consistent voice of encouragement, in this thread and others, that means a lot
(((hugs)))
peace
Thanks for checking in, you're a consistent voice of encouragement, in this thread and others, that means a lot
(((hugs)))
peace
What would be of help for you to return to the post surgery activity? That is if you still want to? i can understand the change in desire or want, and need.
There are some obstacles, the easiest ones to talk about are physical ones - the expense, and the transportation problems.
It's not as easy to talk about the mental ones, but they might be the most influential. I'm not in a good place now, but it's probably more appropriate to post in a thread like "How are you feeling right now?" I guess it does come down to a change in desire or want.
Sorry to introduce negativity into this thread of positivity and support.
I really am appreciative of the responses here, and the encouragement.
peace
It's not as easy to talk about the mental ones, but they might be the most influential. I'm not in a good place now, but it's probably more appropriate to post in a thread like "How are you feeling right now?" I guess it does come down to a change in desire or want.
Sorry to introduce negativity into this thread of positivity and support.
I really am appreciative of the responses here, and the encouragement.
peace
This might be a little long, as i am finding words needing to be said.
i know this was said last, however i am going to respond to this first because i personally feel it is most important.
If there is one thing i have had continuously shoved down my throat in a good way... it's the sheer amount of support and care that everyone on SF has. That there is no need to apologize when having a difficult time. That each one of us go through ups and downs. That people are hear no matter what the background. That it doesn't matter the stigma that is out there, because it doesn't have a home here on SF. And most of all.... That there is no negativity on SF that can't be heard, empathized with, and helped through.
Sometimes medical insurance will help pay for both of these. i have also learned of some grants and hospital discount programs to help with these types of situations. Maybe the facility's finance department would have some info about both of these. There are often places that will help provide the transportation as well. Especially if it's to better your health, mental and physical.
Personally i feel this thread is still perfect for these issues because it is still dealing with you and your heart and mind and body... aka every part of you. It is still a continuation of your recovery. And still very important. Changed are allowed to happen. The desire and want can change at any given moment. And that's ok. It's also ok to not be ok with those changes.
i can only speak for myself, however i know there are many many more out there that probably feel the same... With the sheer amount of diversity in everyone's lives on SF, everyone has different input, abilities, contacts and information of which can be useful. Everyone has different experiences in their life that has been a learning tool for themselves and others.
You are greatly cared for and needed.
i know this was said last, however i am going to respond to this first because i personally feel it is most important.
If there is one thing i have had continuously shoved down my throat in a good way... it's the sheer amount of support and care that everyone on SF has. That there is no need to apologize when having a difficult time. That each one of us go through ups and downs. That people are hear no matter what the background. That it doesn't matter the stigma that is out there, because it doesn't have a home here on SF. And most of all.... That there is no negativity on SF that can't be heard, empathized with, and helped through.
Sometimes medical insurance will help pay for both of these. i have also learned of some grants and hospital discount programs to help with these types of situations. Maybe the facility's finance department would have some info about both of these. There are often places that will help provide the transportation as well. Especially if it's to better your health, mental and physical.
Personally i feel this thread is still perfect for these issues because it is still dealing with you and your heart and mind and body... aka every part of you. It is still a continuation of your recovery. And still very important. Changed are allowed to happen. The desire and want can change at any given moment. And that's ok. It's also ok to not be ok with those changes.
i can only speak for myself, however i know there are many many more out there that probably feel the same... With the sheer amount of diversity in everyone's lives on SF, everyone has different input, abilities, contacts and information of which can be useful. Everyone has different experiences in their life that has been a learning tool for themselves and others.
You are greatly cared for and needed.
To be honest, if I could make the choice today, I don't think I would have had surgery.
I wasn't in imminent danger, and it would probably have been several years before I was
The reasons I chose to have it was the probability that my decline would have been long and painful, and that the surgery would have been more difficult as I became older. And my youngest sister was aware and insistent, though supportive.
I had hoped that a change in my physical condition would affect a change in my mental health. I think I was expecting too much, and now I'm disappointed. I think depression is more of a threat to my existence.
In general, I don't feel much better. I notice a little more stamina and breath during exertion (rehab), but I'm not active enough for that to be an advantage. And I think that whatever gains I made through rehab are moot, they have to be maintained or be lost.
Between insurance, Medicare and hospital write-offs, even half of that amount in my bank account would have been a more tangible and positive change in my life.
Actually, if looked at as an investment, it wasn't a good one. There are others who would have benefitted more, had more to contribute and been more grateful. That same amount would have been a nice addition to a rural or inner-city school budget, or to a clinic for the underserved. I know resources aren't distributed in an equitable way, but I still feel guilty for benefitting from it.
I don't even know if it was really life-saving. It corrected a defect in my heart, but there are other ways my heart could cause my death. Or other major organs that could fail, some in even more unpleasant ways. Not to mention disease or illness. Then there are accidents, I can think of three or four that are much worse ways to die. I feel like the operation kept me alive to experience something worse. Or to spend my last days in a nursing home, I've seen family in those. Then there's CTB, that option is always on the table, too. In those respects, I don't feel like surgery really accomplished much.
peace
I wasn't in imminent danger, and it would probably have been several years before I was
The reasons I chose to have it was the probability that my decline would have been long and painful, and that the surgery would have been more difficult as I became older. And my youngest sister was aware and insistent, though supportive.
I had hoped that a change in my physical condition would affect a change in my mental health. I think I was expecting too much, and now I'm disappointed. I think depression is more of a threat to my existence.
In general, I don't feel much better. I notice a little more stamina and breath during exertion (rehab), but I'm not active enough for that to be an advantage. And I think that whatever gains I made through rehab are moot, they have to be maintained or be lost.
Between insurance, Medicare and hospital write-offs, even half of that amount in my bank account would have been a more tangible and positive change in my life.
Actually, if looked at as an investment, it wasn't a good one. There are others who would have benefitted more, had more to contribute and been more grateful. That same amount would have been a nice addition to a rural or inner-city school budget, or to a clinic for the underserved. I know resources aren't distributed in an equitable way, but I still feel guilty for benefitting from it.
I don't even know if it was really life-saving. It corrected a defect in my heart, but there are other ways my heart could cause my death. Or other major organs that could fail, some in even more unpleasant ways. Not to mention disease or illness. Then there are accidents, I can think of three or four that are much worse ways to die. I feel like the operation kept me alive to experience something worse. Or to spend my last days in a nursing home, I've seen family in those. Then there's CTB, that option is always on the table, too. In those respects, I don't feel like surgery really accomplished much.
peace
To be honest, if I could make the choice today, I don't think I would have had surgery.
I wasn't in imminent danger, and it would probably have been several years before I was
The reasons I chose to have it was the probability that my decline would have been long and painful, and that the surgery would have been more difficult as I became older. And my youngest sister was aware and insistent, though supportive.
I had hoped that a change in my physical condition would affect a change in my mental health. I think I was expecting too much, and now I'm disappointed. I think depression is more of a threat to my existence.
In general, I don't feel much better. I notice a little more stamina and breath during exertion (rehab), but I'm not active enough for that to be an advantage. And I think that whatever gains I made through rehab are moot, they have to be maintained or be lost.
Between insurance, Medicare and hospital write-offs, even half of that amount in my bank account would have been a more tangible and positive change in my life.
Actually, if looked at as an investment, it wasn't a good one. There are others who would have benefitted more, had more to contribute and been more grateful. That same amount would have been a nice addition to a rural or inner-city school budget, or to a clinic for the underserved. I know resources aren't distributed in an equitable way, but I still feel guilty for benefitting from it.
I don't even know if it was really life-saving. It corrected a defect in my heart, but there are other ways my heart could cause my death. Or other major organs that could fail, some in even more unpleasant ways. Not to mention disease or illness. Then there are accidents, I can think of three or four that are much worse ways to die. I feel like the operation kept me alive to experience something worse. Or to spend my last days in a nursing home, I've seen family in those. Then there's CTB, that option is always on the table, too. In those respects, I don't feel like surgery really accomplished much.
peace
I wasn't in imminent danger, and it would probably have been several years before I was
The reasons I chose to have it was the probability that my decline would have been long and painful, and that the surgery would have been more difficult as I became older. And my youngest sister was aware and insistent, though supportive.
I had hoped that a change in my physical condition would affect a change in my mental health. I think I was expecting too much, and now I'm disappointed. I think depression is more of a threat to my existence.
In general, I don't feel much better. I notice a little more stamina and breath during exertion (rehab), but I'm not active enough for that to be an advantage. And I think that whatever gains I made through rehab are moot, they have to be maintained or be lost.
Between insurance, Medicare and hospital write-offs, even half of that amount in my bank account would have been a more tangible and positive change in my life.
Actually, if looked at as an investment, it wasn't a good one. There are others who would have benefitted more, had more to contribute and been more grateful. That same amount would have been a nice addition to a rural or inner-city school budget, or to a clinic for the underserved. I know resources aren't distributed in an equitable way, but I still feel guilty for benefitting from it.
I don't even know if it was really life-saving. It corrected a defect in my heart, but there are other ways my heart could cause my death. Or other major organs that could fail, some in even more unpleasant ways. Not to mention disease or illness. Then there are accidents, I can think of three or four that are much worse ways to die. I feel like the operation kept me alive to experience something worse. Or to spend my last days in a nursing home, I've seen family in those. Then there's CTB, that option is always on the table, too. In those respects, I don't feel like surgery really accomplished much.
peace
i can completely understand where you are coming from. You have explained it very well. i have often had feelings as such and recently finally been able to express them. i often feel like the resources are a waste on me. That other's can benefit much more than myself. AKA Not being worth it.
Something i have seen a lot more of is how many of us will say something to others that often needs to be said to ourselves. i have a friend who keeps telling me to do things for me... to put myself first... do what makes me happy. Yet wouldn't do for themselves. i would tell them to look in the mirror and say those exact words to yourself. i have also been told to talk to myself the way i talk to friends and family.
That being said... You have also been one to tell others they are worth the time and space and resources (probably not in those exact words). Personal opinion... You need to work on telling that to yourself as well... Because you are so very worth it!
This surgery... Maybe it could have waited... It's possible it would have been much more difficult later in life... However, the docs felt it was the best time to get it done, or they wouldn't have. We have to trust they have our best medical interest's in mind. (this is extremely difficult for me to say because i rarely feel that way, although i am trying to trust in it.) i can tell you from personal experience that the mitral valve prolapse can be extremely debilitating both minor and major... from where you don't need meds and much have life saving meds for it. So your surgery... personally... i feel was the best choice for you at that time. i hope you will get to that point where you can also view it as worth it.
Hugs!
Something i have seen a lot more of is how many of us will say something to others that often needs to be said to ourselves. i have a friend who keeps telling me to do things for me... to put myself first... do what makes me happy. Yet wouldn't do for themselves. i would tell them to look in the mirror and say those exact words to yourself. i have also been told to talk to myself the way i talk to friends and family.
That being said... You have also been one to tell others they are worth the time and space and resources (probably not in those exact words). Personal opinion... You need to work on telling that to yourself as well... Because you are so very worth it!
This surgery... Maybe it could have waited... It's possible it would have been much more difficult later in life... However, the docs felt it was the best time to get it done, or they wouldn't have. We have to trust they have our best medical interest's in mind. (this is extremely difficult for me to say because i rarely feel that way, although i am trying to trust in it.) i can tell you from personal experience that the mitral valve prolapse can be extremely debilitating both minor and major... from where you don't need meds and much have life saving meds for it. So your surgery... personally... i feel was the best choice for you at that time. i hope you will get to that point where you can also view it as worth it.
Hugs!