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Borderline Personality Disorder | What is BPD? | Signs of BPD

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by ★ SF Staff (CP), Sep 21, 2015.

  1. SSheep

    SSheep Member

    I was diagnosed with BPD just recently this summer in hospital. My life involves around emotions, my relationships with people are crazy sometimes cause of my paranoid thoughts about them.
  2. Jena

    Jena Well-Known Member

    I'm having a hard time finding a dbt group or therapist in my area. I'm switching counties and switching to a new center for my services. I was in a dbt group before and it was helpful but I was only there for a few weeks.

    I struggle with mood swings SI and impulse control. As well as how our view myself and how i believe others view me. I get paranoid and sometimes have hallucinations. Daily living can get hard sometimes but I fake it most days. I try not to let others see my weakness.
    Bluetoo likes this.
  3. Jena

    Jena Well-Known Member

    My biggest problem with my BPD has been my moods swings. A good way to describe them is to compare them to the natural "storms" of the earth. All in one day my moods can switch a lot. Sadness for me is like a tsunami. I am the person left standing on the beach frozen in place watching as a tsunami of sadness crashes down on me, drowning me in misery. Anger for me is like a tornado. It starts out just as wind until its a swirling mass of wind, rain and debris, tearing everything up in its path. It destroys everything in minutes, whether that my mind, my home, my job or my family. A blizzard is like when I feel numb and cut off from everyone. I feel nothing. A blizzard cause people to see nothing and mute everything around us when we are standing in the middle of it. We become numb from the cold. Earthquakes for me are when I'm holding so much inside. So much pain that it shakes my mind and my heart and everything around me. Tearing down all the walls I built in my mind to keep people out. To keep myself out of the memories I don't want or the emotions I don't want. Earthquakes cause tsunamis. The last one is hurricanes. Most of the day my mind and emotions are like a hurricane. Sometimes I'm in the eye of the storm and I seem stable, I seem ok for the most part, but I know that it doesn't last long before the storm opens up swallowing me and destroying almost anything in its path.

    My point is that my emotional instability has caused a lot of things to be destroyed. Because that's all it does, is destroy. I try to pick myself back up and work on repairs but before I can make any headway it all gets destroyed again. My relationships, my jobs, my life and my mind.
  4. Waters

    Waters Well-Known Member

    My therapist and I think I have BPD, it kind of scares me
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Whatever you've got, you've still got it whether you have a diagnosis for it or not. I guess it's always kind of scary to get a diagnosis, but if it creates the opportunity to get treatment, it's also often the point where things start getting better
    Debarina and Waters like this.
  6. Sharna

    Sharna Member

    I have Bpd and I am NOT coping
  7. Quitin

    Quitin Prisoner of my Mind

    I am beginning to wonder if I might have BPD. A lot of the symptoms fit which I shared with my therapist who agreed and suggested DBT. I didn't see a mention of medication, is DBT best to treat BPD? I don't have access to psychiatric care where I live now, how else can I be screened to see if I do in fact have BPD?
  8. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Staff Alumni

    DBT seems to be highly recommended for BPD. I am not sure how else to be screened but if your therapist has suggested DBT, it could be worth trying and seeing if you get any strategies that actually help you.

    While diagnosing is often a major first step, if the treatment (DBT) is effective and you notice positive changes, I think that in itself would be worth a lot.
  9. lalaland

    lalaland Active Member

    oh my goodness, I am exactly the description of the symptoms... sometimes I am in denial... but I have to accept that I really do have BPD. I wish I don't. Every night when I go to bed, I wish that when I wake up, this forever BPD nightmare will be over, I will be "normal" again. But it never happened of course. BPD is not going anywhere.
    Bluetoo likes this.
  10. Luthien Tinuviel

    Luthien Tinuviel Active Member

    i think this sounds a lot like me but i was not diagnosed.
  11. Candy057

    Candy057 SF Supporter

    I too have BPD, and have had a rocky relationship past. That thought has crossed my mind many times, in what I truly expect from a friend/partner, without placing unrealistic expectations on the person. I would like the person to continue to show me that they care, and reassure me that they are always there for me no matter what. Trust is a major area that I struggle with, and it's hard to get trust back after it's broken. Once you gain the trust of someone with BPD, it means that they hold you at a high esteem. Treasure it. Little things that you say, or do to a person can be VERY memorable to a person with BPD. Even a small gesture to someone with BPD can mean a lot when trying to be their friend. Other than that, I would expect the other person not to treat me any differently than anyone else.
    Bluetoo and TimidlyReaching like this.
  12. I was recently diagnosed with BPD, which makes sense, seeing as my mother and grandfather have it as well. We've learned that music better helps me control it, but that's not a permanent solution. I feel confused about myself whenever I'm by myself, which is unfortunately quite often nowadays, I start questioning everything that I am, and convincing myself that nothing is worth anything, and that happiness isn't even a real emotion. I feel lost so often, and I have mental breakdowns whenever I try to help myself. I've kept myself away from self-harm, thankfully, but the thought of hurting myself or even suicide keeps popping up. What's worse is the process continues over and over, which drives me insane.

    This forum is such a safe place for me, and helps me sort things out. Thanks for letting me talk things out...
    Bluetoo, TimidlyReaching and may71 like this.
  13. JayeNow

    JayeNow New Member

    If you don’t want to live anymore all the therapy doesn’t matter at all. The abandonment was cruel and final and there’s no point in going on. We were together 19 years and he cheated on me with a younger woman and is desperately in love with her after sucking the life out of me, emotional, financial, and physical abuse- discarded old husk and he is blissfully happy having gotten away with it all. Every moment is pain. No end in sight. Depression is an illness not a choice. My brain has changed.
    agateaqua and TimidlyReaching like this.
  14. Angel368

    Angel368 Well-Known Member

    The psychiatrist that I saw most recently thinks that I may have EUPD. After reading here and online, I feel it fits me and explains the way I behave/react.

    I relate the most to your post @Candy057, I always thought I couldn't have BPD/EUPD as I think I get along well with people. But I do have very high expectations of my friends and I keep my friendship groups small as I find it hard to trust people. My romantic relationships are usually whirlwind that last a few months at the most before I become dissilusioned. After my divorce I've decided it's best to leave romance alone for the foreseeable future.

    I always thought of myself as dependable, level headed etc, and so do others. But without my usual coping mechanisms like taking risks, going on adventures, moving countries (3 times), seeking a new job, a new thrill, a new challenge etc, my emotions became uncontrollable and now I don't recognise myself. Or rather I recognise myself but I don't like what I see and I am ashamed to let anyone else see it either.

    So anyway, I feel relieved to be diagnosed with EUPD as now everything makes a bit more sense. It doesn't make it less complicated but I feel less alone.
    TimidlyReaching likes this.
  15. Candy057

    Candy057 SF Supporter

    @Angel368, I also did feel relief after being diagnosed with BPD about 2 years ago. Things started to make sense of why I was the way I am, and it helped me better understand my thought processes, and the relationships I have with people. I have been studying a book of DBT, a proven effective therapy to help those with BPD, founded by Marsha Linehan, and it has helped me put more in perspective of how to diminish thoughts that cause someone with BPD distress. It gives me a glimpse of what it's like to have "normal" and healthy thoughts.

    I don't know how many of those will read this post, for someone who is suffering with BPD or love and support with BPD who is reading this, I empathize with you. If someone can benefit from it, then it was worth writing.

    As I researched about BPD soon after I was diagnosed, I realized that I do meet most of the criteria of the DSM. I have a high mark of instability of relationships, and poor self image. I do make efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. I have a very unstable sense of sense, and often feel hopelessness and emptiness, and feel that I don't know who I am. And of course, which commonly goes with BPD, I have an extreme instability of emotions.

    For what seemed forever, years and years while growing into adulthood, I've always wondered why I was different. Everyone around me didn't seem so affected by their emotions, and they seemed like they had "healthier" relationships than me. I got quickly attached to my first bf, after developing a sexual relationship with him, and it took me about 3 years to "get over it."I literally thought about him every day for 3 years after breaking up, and all of a sudden one day I realize I wasn't think of him anymore. Maybe my brain got tired of thinking of someone who no longer really existed in my life anyone, who knows. But, I couldn't tell you how much mental torture it is, knowing that my first love has ended, and that clearly he has moved on way quicker than me. So why didn't I deserve the same? Relationships that I have had after that, and ended never really got "easier", but I think my first bf was the worse to get over it. I have had many flings, I do attribute it profoundly to my BPD of my instability of maintaining a romantic relationship and in constantly looking for a new thrill. Mostly, I feel like I get bored with people, and will always look for something new. One of my greatest fears as I stated above is abandonment, that I may say or do something wrong that the other person will leave me.

    Often times, I have a lack of sense of self. I don't really know who I am, or where I am going. I have few interests, and hobbies, perhaps again because I get bored easily. And I'm horrible in making decisions, and sometimes feel it would be easier if someone made all the life decisions for me. I have no career path right now, and it's depressing because I feel that I should have had everything figured out by now. I am still trying to figure that part out :(

    I have extremely low self esteem, and self image. Mainly because I feel like I can never do anything right. And that I always tell myself what a failure I am, and that I will never be able to succeed at anything. I guess that coincides with my depression.

    Learning to deal with emotions is one of the BIGGEST struggles I have with BPD. It's kind of like learning to re wire your brain. I had to re learn to let things go. Someone could say or do something, and I will automatically have a high reactivity towards it. Sometimes I would blow things out of proportion, and/or dwell on it for hours or days. It can affect my mood so quickly. A lot of times I have to tell myself to let it go, and not dwell on it because it's the only way I know how to cope.

    BPD is horrible to suffer with, but I do know that, clinically researched, BPD tends to get better on it's own as the person gets older. People develop coping strategies, naturally, in order to have some relief over the symptoms.

    For those of you with BPD, you are never alone. We suffer together, we are in this together.

    Love and peace,
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2017
  16. TaylorN

    TaylorN Member

    Reading your post felt like reading out of my own journal. I was recently diagnosed with bpd. I was glad to finally understand why I am the way I am, but it's also overwhelming. I feel ashamed that I have bpd. It makes me feel weak. And I've recently been having more and more "breakdowns." I call them breakdowns but it's when my feelings just can't be contained anymore. I feel like I'm drowning while everyone just watches me.
    TimidlyReaching and Angel368 like this.
  17. agateaqua

    agateaqua Well-Known Member

    I will listen if you want to talk. I know what you mean with family not understanding/dismissing issues.
  18. Naiwen

    Naiwen Active Member

    I might have it. I often am suicidal, have anxiety and panic attacks. But all these mental disorders seem so similar, it's hard to distinguish them.
  19. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Staff Alumni

    There can appear to be or actually be some overlap or co-existing conditions. It's so important to get an official diagnosis from a health professional so that you can get the best possible treatment.
  20. agateaqua

    agateaqua Well-Known Member

    I thi k I may have BPD as well , I pretty much have all the symptons . I messed up so many potential relationships because I can't hold my damn tongue :(