Borderline Personality Disorder | What is BPD? | Signs of BPD

#41
I thi k I may have BPD as well , I pretty much have all the symptons . I messed up so many potential relationships because I can't hold my damn tongue :(
Have you spoken to a doctor about this? If you are diagnosed with BPD, you can get on track with trying different tools and maybe some medication to help you.
It does tend to affect relationships, but there is hope for you to be able to better manage your emotions (and your tongue).
 

agateaqua

Well-Known Member
#42
I will either pull or push in relationships, if a guy tries to get closer I will almost sabotage things, then when I manage to mess things up will try to save it again & round & round. I will lose my patience quickly & snap. Feel high levels of anxiety arround guys losing interest (abandonment I guess). I will feel 'feelings' wayyy too quick, often before even meeting(online dating). Then off course, I will move on just as quickly if things don't work out. & I used to have bulimia as well. Moodswings as well. Does this sound like border line? :) thanks btw for the reply Alexmarie :)
 
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#43
I will either pull or push in relationships, if a guy tries to get closer I will almost sabotage things, then when I manage to mess things up will try to save it again & round & round. I will lose my patience quickly & snap. Feel high levels of anxiety arround guys losing interest (abandonment I guess). I will feel 'feelings' wayyy too quick, often before even meeting(online dating). Then off course, I will move on just as quickly if things don't work out. & I used to have bulimia as well. Moodswings as well. Does this sound like border line? :) thanks btw for the reply Alexmarie :)
It does 'sound' like it is a possibility that this is what you are dealing with. But I'm not able to diagnose. The good thing is once you reach out for medical help, a diagnosis can lead to effective treatment and a much better version of you. :)

P.S. It's a really challenging disorder to live with, but it really can be managed, until you find you may no longer check the boxes, or react or think in certain ways that were previously instinctive.
 

Lynne1974

Well-Known Member
#46
I have been diagnosed with BPD, as well as Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I also have anxiety attacks. I find there is a huge amount of stigma against BPD in particular. It is even rampant in the medical and mental health community. This diagnosis feels like a death sentence. Many medical/mental health professionals will focus exclusively on the BPD diagnosis, and ignore the fact that you have other existing diagnoses. Very frustrating, to say the least.
 
#47
@Lynne1974

Well, when it comes to depression and anxiety, oftentimes they stem from the BPD. So that's probably why they're trying to put the focus on it.

Also, I have it too and I can tell you for a fact that it's not a death sentence. In fact, studies have shown lately that it gets better as the years go by on its own. But that's not to say you shouldn't treat it by any means. You should definitely do what the mental health professionals are suggesting (provided they know what they are talking about of course, and have had experience in dealing with BPD before). But it does get easier. I've noticed in the past 5 years, certain things have definitely changed with me on their own. But others remain a bit harder to change.
 

Lynne1974

Well-Known Member
#48
Thank you for your response! It is good to hear a more positive experience. I have worked on some CBT and DBT techniques. I would also like to check out other therapy methods that might be out there.

I have noted that I don't always have/exhibit all of the traits. Some times are better, and others are worse. I guess that's probably normal. I know stress definitely aggravates things.
 
#49
Yes, absolutely. Some times will be better and some worse. That's how it normally goes.

I'm sure there are other types of therapy. I've heard of something called schema therapy, but not too sure how it works. DBT I've found to be the most helpful though. It shows you how to deal with dysfunctional and intense emotions specifically, and how to subside them.
 

Messa

New Member
#50
I've been to my GP twice in 8 years because I felt the way I reapond to various things was completely over the top. Particularly fear of abandonment. I self harm, break things around the house, throw things at sed person. There are other behaviors as well, but I feel that particularly demonstrates BPD. Both times my GP said it was depression and anxiety so I got put into CBT and eventually stopped going because it wasn't helping.
I know the dangers of self diagnosing, and I am a positive person for the most part. I went into CBT with an open mind because I DO NOT want to feel like this anymore. I am ruining my life. But I KNOW it isnt just anxiety and depression. When I first read about BPD it was like a light switch went on. A massive bright light switch. I feel like I am just being ignored and I have lost complete faith in the system. I've given up. But my life is going down the toilet. I don't want to die, I want to live and be happy but I am trapped.
 

Angel368

Well-Known Member
#51
Hello @Messa, sorry to hear you have been struggling. I don't think GPs can diagnose BPD. Ask to be referred to a psychiatrist if you need a diagnosis. But there are self help tools online that may help until you are able to see a psychiatrist and/or access appropriate therapy. It can be frustrating getting the right help but try to persevere.
www.getselfhelp.co.uk is a website I have used before.

Good luck
 
#52
Hi

I’ve been wanting help with my bpd for years but I also have depressive psychosis and social anxiety which keeps me like a prisoner in my own flat and so prevents me from taking part in groups/programs and things that our CMHT sets up.

Also I’ve been struggling with addiction issues and my CPN said this too would mean even more help I cannot access. I mean I could understand it if they said you cannot attend group if you’ve used that day fair enough but considering how drug/alcohol abuse is another possible symptom of bpd I don’t think it’s cool to just write people off. I’ve not even used in weeks but the longer I’m sat at home, alone, depressed etc the more using springs to mind.

I just want what I was told I’d receive when I got my new CPN and that was CBT/DBT.

@Lynne1974 i totally agree with what you’ve said about this diagnosis being looked upon as a bit of a joke. I don’t feel like I get taken seriously unless I’m having a bad time with my psychosis and then they want to know.

Sorry I’m new I hope this is ok.
 

Lynne1974

Well-Known Member
#53
I don't have any insightful comments at the moment, but I wanted to thank you for sharing. I hope you are able to access the help you need. Hugs. I'm available if you ever want to talk.
 
#55
Thank you for replying. When you are experiencing your reality in a downswing for example, what can your wife or others do then?

Is it just "be there" doing nothing? Does anything comfort or help even to a minor degree that your loved ones can do/say? Is reassurance good? Space/time alone?

The code words sounds useful.
The people I’m most close to and who know me the best all ignore my overreacting or insecure impulses. I like this bc despite immediate discomfort for me in a matter of minutes usually I’m back to normal and trying to count any damages I’ve caused, so when they don’t acknowledge my behavior it’s a lot less anxiety for me to move on.
 
#56
The people I’m most close to and who know me the best all ignore my overreacting or insecure impulses. I like this bc despite immediate discomfort for me in a matter of minutes usually I’m back to normal and trying to count any damages I’ve caused, so when they don’t acknowledge my behavior it’s a lot less anxiety for me to move on.
Thank you very much for sharing this perspective. I understand what you've expressed so well.
 

Lynne1974

Well-Known Member
#57
I need to learn about my triggers and responses. I caused myself (and my poor friend) God only knows how much misery, because I frequently misinterpret a lack of an almost-immediate response, as rejection and abandonment, when it probably isn't meant that way. And boy, does it spiral from there. I can't stand anything remotely vague. If someone won't provide the answers or fill in the blanks, I will. Pre-emptively and possibly incorrectly. Almost immediately, in fact. I can't seem to withstand even very short periods of "uncertainty". I don't understand why. That period of "silence" or "uncertainty" causes unbearable stress and anxiety for me. This is not typical of most of my friendships/relationships. It occurred with my ex-partner, and occurs with one friend now. I "lost" my ex-partner. And I may have driven this friend away for the last time. How do I make it stop?
 
#58
I suppose the question is always first is/if there is real concern for your safety is there founded by actions, previous physical incidents, real reasons for concern that the person would cause you physical harm in one of these emotional flare ups. If so boundaries are necessary for your safety. However if the situation is different then that and it is more a fear of the unknown on your part rather than by setting up boundaries and distancing yourself from the person I would suggest rather that your find a safe and healthy way to evaluate your relationship with the person and maybe spend some time walking in each other's shoes. If you love them unconditionally then that means doing just that knowing, not think you know, but rather really getting to know and accept the person. That is love. Now just a little insight, "Maybe no contact, loving them from afar uncondionally." Those words to a person with BPD literally mean the opposite. That to me as a person with BPD says, I say I love you because I have to, I am going to leave you and have no contact with you because your crazy and unlovable and to embarrassing, to blunt, to unpredictable to be around, and the possibility of you ruining my image or making me look bad is to high of a chance of happening that I can't risk it. Oh but I will be off somewhere probably being normal and happy, having no contact with you so I won't even notice if you got sick and died. Not that anyone would notice anyway... so on and so into a vicious cycle... I know that seems rough and I am sorry I answered it the way I feel with the people in my family that have no contact with me. I completely understand it from your point as well. When someone is unpredictable it generates a fear of what they could do next. That fear can run wild with endless possibilities of someone's capabilities. That's why I asked the first question. Put it this way think of the most craziest incident you had with this partner/spouse/person, not a story you heard or half truths or a an incident with someone else because there is always reasons, triggers, trauma that may have been an issue with someone else that wouldn't be an issue with you... so the worst, craziest, bizarre incident you had with the person and then the best, most loving, happiest moment with the person. Those now are the boundaies of your relationship. No boundaies you attempt to set up will respected long term or accepted as anything other then you not understanding or loving that person in there eyes. However for the BPD person to them your relationship will have the shame of the worst incident and the happiness of the best. Unless person has physically attacked people and is a habitual offender in violent ways they feel so bad about your worst moment together they more then likely then not won't ever even get close to that mark ever again. More times then not they just want to be included and truly unconditinally loved by actions not words. Sorry if it isn't what you are looking for tried my best from both perspectives.
 
#59
Greetings all. I am a little late to the conversation, but hope my contributions helpful. Your indulgence in appreciated, as I find sharing therapeutic. A code word is almost necessary, and still often too little. It seems to me, while it occurs, that my being a foul monster is hint enough there must be something off. How though, is one to shrug off such directed albeit temporary hatred? I recognize the difficulty in dealing with this, dealing with me while this occurs, and fault none their inability to cope. Very few have held with me through the years and who can blame them? Touch is one of the most helpful tools, it reaffirms the emotional connection, and in fact the very existence of the person dealing with one in a low of BPD, but the struggle there... As a.. visual aid, this is what that requires I ask of my friends or lovers; approach a pacing, snarling man, his fists clenching and releasing, barrel chested, six feet tall and 200 pounds, trained in violence, with a visage not out of place in American History X, whom likely has spent the previous hour or more verbally dissecting your words in... terrible ways, and hug him, or hold his hand, touch his face or shoulder. Never mind that you know him to be unfailingly gentle to animals, women, and children, that you've never known him to raise those large hands without physical provocation, that during lighter times his discussions are toward the betterment and empowerment of all. In those dark moments I am asking those I love to approach a seemingly rabid bear, and touch it. How to begrudge some reticence? We the broken seem to attract one another, so my wife, with her own struggles, tries, tries to understand and to help, and to hold this quaking beast when that is the cure, but what a thing to ask! The worst she must endure is just a look, I am able with her usually to hold my tongue, I've learned to recognize my symptoms, if not always quite early enough, but what a terrible look to endure. In those moments, that look contains decades of rage and hatred, blame and haughtiness. She's only been around for five years, but for that look she is the origin of all the suffering. The woman is a saint for trying at all. The point, I think, is that even the tools are difficult to employ, useful as they are. When she makes it through the... Terror? And gets to the touch I usually melt, often cry, always apologize and thank her, because that monumental effort is what this disorder asks of others, of those cursed to love us. I would advise those in similar straights, to utilize the upswing, and lavish love, affection, and compliments on everyone around you, because the withdrawal from that emotional bank always takes it near the red.
Oh my goodness... I cried a little at that. That is saying something not a insult but rather nothing moves me to real emotions these days and no one has any grasp at what my true sorrow is... That I hurt the ones I love because I love them... sick twisted and not even conscious most of the time. That is the most accurate portrayal of our condition I have ever heard. That is amazingly insightful, ever so accurate, and just beautiful. Thank you for sharing
 

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#60
I need to learn about my triggers and responses. I caused myself (and my poor friend) God only knows how much misery, because I frequently misinterpret a lack of an almost-immediate response, as rejection and abandonment, when it probably isn't meant that way. And boy, does it spiral from there. I can't stand anything remotely vague. If someone won't provide the answers or fill in the blanks, I will. Pre-emptively and possibly incorrectly. Almost immediately, in fact. I can't seem to withstand even very short periods of "uncertainty". I don't understand why. That period of "silence" or "uncertainty" causes unbearable stress and anxiety for me. This is not typical of most of my friendships/relationships. It occurred with my ex-partner, and occurs with one friend now. I "lost" my ex-partner. And I may have driven this friend away for the last time. How do I make it stop?
Learning, learning, learning.
Awareness of what you're doing means that you can try and change how you react and response. It's not easy. Hell, if I knew how to I'd do it for myself. I do believe that it's possible though.
((hugs))
 

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