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Borderline Personality Disorder | What is BPD? | Signs of BPD
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Imagine your friend is perpetually at a train station in his own world. Now every time something is even a hint of a trigger for them, they can board the train and be travelling light years away through despicable universes of muck, all the while they are still working right next to you like everything is fine.
We know we are ill. We know nobody wants to hear about it. We live in a day and age where people dont think you were serious about how you feel until they hear from a neighbor that you really did end it. We wont reach out unless we reeeeeally trust you, and even then we probably wont, or at least we will hesitate for days or weeks prior to doing so.
We just want to be able to enjoy moments just as much as everyone else, but also be able to be taken seriously when emotions suddenly take a dark turn. So many times in groups it all of a sudden feels like everyone is leaving you when its a strong possibility they had already assumed you were along for the ride. Feelings can get really mixed at times like that, its really important to not sleep on these signs should you actually come to notice them. They can pop up in multiple ways, but it almost always will come off as some form of withdrawal, or they may even seem somewhat upset or act passive-aggressive or sarcastic to try and cover it up, as out logic would convince us that wrecking social situations is somehow less damaging to the mind and soul than just admitting you have a problem or even admitting to an emotional speed bump you may have hit.
We need help and we know it, but we arent trying to halt everything to make it happen. At least, thats what I do and have always done. People dont owe me, why expect them to help??, much less listen, and muuuuch less actually understand.
I was diagnosed early with bipolar disorder but I think it has really been BPD all this time and they just didnt know it as well around where I grew up or something.
This is my first post on here and I will be around. I am looking forward to growing with you all
hopefully
We know we are ill. We know nobody wants to hear about it. We live in a day and age where people dont think you were serious about how you feel until they hear from a neighbor that you really did end it. We wont reach out unless we reeeeeally trust you, and even then we probably wont, or at least we will hesitate for days or weeks prior to doing so.
We just want to be able to enjoy moments just as much as everyone else, but also be able to be taken seriously when emotions suddenly take a dark turn. So many times in groups it all of a sudden feels like everyone is leaving you when its a strong possibility they had already assumed you were along for the ride. Feelings can get really mixed at times like that, its really important to not sleep on these signs should you actually come to notice them. They can pop up in multiple ways, but it almost always will come off as some form of withdrawal, or they may even seem somewhat upset or act passive-aggressive or sarcastic to try and cover it up, as out logic would convince us that wrecking social situations is somehow less damaging to the mind and soul than just admitting you have a problem or even admitting to an emotional speed bump you may have hit.
We need help and we know it, but we arent trying to halt everything to make it happen. At least, thats what I do and have always done. People dont owe me, why expect them to help??, much less listen, and muuuuch less actually understand.
I was diagnosed early with bipolar disorder but I think it has really been BPD all this time and they just didnt know it as well around where I grew up or something.
This is my first post on here and I will be around. I am looking forward to growing with you all
hopefully
I am generally hopeless mentally, especially if Im alone, but I find it to be very relaxing to be 'around' people who also hurt the way I do.
Who cares if we dont get 'better' if we can continue to cope in our own ways with each other. What is life for anyways but to cut our own path, I just dont want my path to be sad and ruin the lives of those dear to me because I cant have a mental release when the world beats down literally all my defenses.
Who cares if we dont get 'better' if we can continue to cope in our own ways with each other. What is life for anyways but to cut our own path, I just dont want my path to be sad and ruin the lives of those dear to me because I cant have a mental release when the world beats down literally all my defenses.
Oh update on my BPD close male friend 4 weeks passed after I've been love bombed via ph-text constantly and he rang today like nothing had happened he proceeds to tell me he not only has BPD but 3 personalities & he's mentally fucked in the head & then tells me all this childhood trauma he went thru. he then says he's madly in love with me but feels he's "too much"for me and that I'll tell him to fuck off b4 anything happens. Then proceeds to inform me he might just fuck off interstate
All the while I felt my reaction to his actions & my emotions were being critiqued by him - like he was doing it all for a reaction like me to push him away
I just talked normally - any advice?
All the while I felt my reaction to his actions & my emotions were being critiqued by him - like he was doing it all for a reaction like me to push him away
I just talked normally - any advice?
To be honest, you're probably right. Although he wasn't necessarily aware of what he was doing.
Exactly what you did. Talk normally. Don't react. Stay calm and keep a distance. Meaning don't engage with what he's saying. He wants you to engage with it and you shouldn't. That's actually something true for every relationship that a person shouldn't engage with the others drama (that doesn't mean not responding it means keeping yourself and your boundaries intact)
Exactly what you did. Talk normally. Don't react. Stay calm and keep a distance. Meaning don't engage with what he's saying. He wants you to engage with it and you shouldn't. That's actually something true for every relationship that a person shouldn't engage with the others drama (that doesn't mean not responding it means keeping yourself and your boundaries intact)
It's just sad as he's a special person in my life but I don't believe I can be invested in someone who's all over the place they say BPD can occur from early childhood trauma if this is true he has many scars from 1 years, he was raped & beaten by his father so awful to contemplate but clear to me damage caused = he can't have a r/ship I just want to be there for him but can't take on his journey as I get really bad depressive periods & anxiety so I had to be careful
The chemistry we share is beyond this world though it's fantastic & im amazed I've never slept with him- I think he wants me because he hasn't had me
He gets bored easily & lies & at times I struggle with him.
BPD isn't easy to be a part of the push pull effect would drive me crazy in a r/ship
The chemistry we share is beyond this world though it's fantastic & im amazed I've never slept with him- I think he wants me because he hasn't had me
He gets bored easily & lies & at times I struggle with him.
BPD isn't easy to be a part of the push pull effect would drive me crazy in a r/ship
i gotta respond here. i don’t know what my disorder is but i do believe that i was diagnosed with BPD, AsPD, AvPD (hope i’m getting these initials right), PTSD. I “self harm” but lately i’ve come to realize that i feel more that i am being perpetrated upon in the self harmful acts by someone other than me. That leads me to believe i may be DID as well. I recently was psych tested and am waiting for results and diagnosis so i will be happy to let you know how that turns out.
now to answer your question, i almost feel that if you know about your coworker’s disorder, he doesn’t have it. This is not to say he doesn’t or that there is some kind of misinformation, but i think of myself. i have always felt antagonized at work by my coworkers. i never let anyone know. no one ever asked. i have always wanted to be on friendly terms and have them as friends as well but my experience is a constant fear of being fired and hated. it is non stop.
i cant tell you how much it torments me and makes aand has made me feel miserable. you’d think i’d go and find a new job but i have no faith in myself. even when actually accomplishing getting a higher degree and changing careers and appearing to be successful i constantly have the fear of being rejected as a being worthwhile human being and fearing being fired and looked down. i suppose that feeling does actually get me looked down upon.
i have never had long term friendships. i stormed out on a friendship with a few people a few years ago and have not been able to get that close again. i regret it so much. i don’t know how to say this: it will probably be hell for you but if you can do it, be your friend’s friend. look at what i just said here. for me this is the tip of the iceberg. your friend may feel exactly the same. but we need friendship so much. i don’t know how you can manage that but if you can he is so bleeping lucky to know you.
i’d suggest learning how to be a therapist just to use for friendship but i recently lost my therapist who i thought was really great yet i also believe she actually has no understanding of what was going on in my mind. this may be because of how therapists are trained. with what i beleive is wrong information. thats just me thought.
these days i am with out help. i can’’t find appropriate help. i’m searching. but i doubt i will find anything. i also believe that at this stage of my life, (i’m 66) there simply is not enough time to “heal” sufficiently and properly to find any happiness. i am married and have kids and a career. that might lead one to believe i’m ok. self harm is not simply an issue. it is a danger to my life. i am not intentionally suicidal but i am living in danger. the best i can do (and the best help i’ve found is right here on SF. i post a lot, i use chat. i am sure i come off as being kind of harsh and extreme and hopeless and solutionless and kind of empty so building active friendships here is unlikely. i do want friends though but lack the ingredients to make friendship a good fun loving nice thing here or anywhere.
well this is me and i believe that i am BPD. i hope this is helpful. if you are your friends true friend i am so happy for him. ultimately i am happy for you too. he most likely is a really great and worthwhile person. he just will most likely be hell to negotiate. try canoeing up a waterfall sideways. hows that for a description? anyway, thanks for the opportunity to say all this. i will be always hopeful for you guys. tc...
now to answer your question, i almost feel that if you know about your coworker’s disorder, he doesn’t have it. This is not to say he doesn’t or that there is some kind of misinformation, but i think of myself. i have always felt antagonized at work by my coworkers. i never let anyone know. no one ever asked. i have always wanted to be on friendly terms and have them as friends as well but my experience is a constant fear of being fired and hated. it is non stop.
i cant tell you how much it torments me and makes aand has made me feel miserable. you’d think i’d go and find a new job but i have no faith in myself. even when actually accomplishing getting a higher degree and changing careers and appearing to be successful i constantly have the fear of being rejected as a being worthwhile human being and fearing being fired and looked down. i suppose that feeling does actually get me looked down upon.
i have never had long term friendships. i stormed out on a friendship with a few people a few years ago and have not been able to get that close again. i regret it so much. i don’t know how to say this: it will probably be hell for you but if you can do it, be your friend’s friend. look at what i just said here. for me this is the tip of the iceberg. your friend may feel exactly the same. but we need friendship so much. i don’t know how you can manage that but if you can he is so bleeping lucky to know you.
i’d suggest learning how to be a therapist just to use for friendship but i recently lost my therapist who i thought was really great yet i also believe she actually has no understanding of what was going on in my mind. this may be because of how therapists are trained. with what i beleive is wrong information. thats just me thought.
these days i am with out help. i can’’t find appropriate help. i’m searching. but i doubt i will find anything. i also believe that at this stage of my life, (i’m 66) there simply is not enough time to “heal” sufficiently and properly to find any happiness. i am married and have kids and a career. that might lead one to believe i’m ok. self harm is not simply an issue. it is a danger to my life. i am not intentionally suicidal but i am living in danger. the best i can do (and the best help i’ve found is right here on SF. i post a lot, i use chat. i am sure i come off as being kind of harsh and extreme and hopeless and solutionless and kind of empty so building active friendships here is unlikely. i do want friends though but lack the ingredients to make friendship a good fun loving nice thing here or anywhere.
well this is me and i believe that i am BPD. i hope this is helpful. if you are your friends true friend i am so happy for him. ultimately i am happy for you too. he most likely is a really great and worthwhile person. he just will most likely be hell to negotiate. try canoeing up a waterfall sideways. hows that for a description? anyway, thanks for the opportunity to say all this. i will be always hopeful for you guys. tc...
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I can honestly say I really feel what youre saying here, and as a BPD male, I can say I have done that and acted that way, however I did it because I was extremely uncertain that my S.O. was actually emotionally 'there' for me.
The flags were everywhere, but we had amazing chemistry, so I knew if we could get communication up to par, then we would be great. She was always so numb and distant, so when we would go months without any talks about us or stuff going on with us, I really started to act out, but I truly did it just to get literally aaaaany reaction from this woman. Like I know it sounds messed up but there was just nothing going on. No sadness, no anger, nothing. She never wanted my help with anything, not even if she needed the help, and she would almost go out of her way to avoid me doing stuff for her, kind of annoying tbh. Just let me be nice? Wtf?
Anywho regardless of what happened between her and I, justified or not, thats basically how I acted from time to time. That being said, had I been convinced she was serious about us, I really do believe my demons would have been calmed. Eh, who knows though.
I really feel like everyone is just becoming more and more convinced that r-ships just literally do not work, and every next r-ship that goes badly convinces them that much more abd makes it that much tougher to get through to them.
If you really love them you literally just have to stick around.
The flags were everywhere, but we had amazing chemistry, so I knew if we could get communication up to par, then we would be great. She was always so numb and distant, so when we would go months without any talks about us or stuff going on with us, I really started to act out, but I truly did it just to get literally aaaaany reaction from this woman. Like I know it sounds messed up but there was just nothing going on. No sadness, no anger, nothing. She never wanted my help with anything, not even if she needed the help, and she would almost go out of her way to avoid me doing stuff for her, kind of annoying tbh. Just let me be nice? Wtf?
Anywho regardless of what happened between her and I, justified or not, thats basically how I acted from time to time. That being said, had I been convinced she was serious about us, I really do believe my demons would have been calmed. Eh, who knows though.
I really feel like everyone is just becoming more and more convinced that r-ships just literally do not work, and every next r-ship that goes badly convinces them that much more abd makes it that much tougher to get through to them.
If you really love them you literally just have to stick around.
i have never heard this question being asked and now i am confronted with answering. assuming that i am BPD or contain sufficient ingredents to be that much of BPD, then to answer your question, the answer is sadly, yes. YES, never can love, never can connect except they also live with intense desire to be otherwise and constantly feel the pain of that aspect of life not being there. we need someone to be able to be there for us yet that is such a dirty job. who human is big enough to be that?
Thanks that makes sense my close friend has in the past said the pain he had when a child & the trauma he suffered totally fucked him up hence he can't love it's so sad as I do love him dearly & want to be there for him but j guess keep my love at a distance due to his inability to connect consistently
I realise there are many things that create BPD in people but when it's childhood trauma, man it's a tricky one which he openly admits
I really don't know what to do as I feel he will break my heart if we were involved & I doubt I'd handle the push pull at play. I also have only seen him present as his best, I fear the worst would indeed be too much for me as he's shared he used to cut himself & whip himself which isn't behaviour is support or be ok with.
I realise there are many things that create BPD in people but when it's childhood trauma, man it's a tricky one which he openly admits
I really don't know what to do as I feel he will break my heart if we were involved & I doubt I'd handle the push pull at play. I also have only seen him present as his best, I fear the worst would indeed be too much for me as he's shared he used to cut himself & whip himself which isn't behaviour is support or be ok with.
i hate saying this so much because i am married and care so much for my wife but i have never had a love relationship. and love is the only thing i ever really wanted. i have always felt in my life that if i could get love, i would be the truest most caring in the world. would not/never do those things you are afraid of happening in a relationship with him. but can i suggest that you take that risk? i don’t know him. only me. and i have unfortunately not been tested. i have not experienced a love relationship. my therapist constantly doubted that i could be that true caring always there lover. i continue to doubt that doubt. i want to rush in and say you have in your hands the greatest love in the world in him. it might actually be. but i have only myself to go by and like i said, i am totally untested. sad very sad answer. that is the tragedy of life. i hope you can be there for him and find that what i suspect turns out to be right. i hope.
Hey Asphyxiate, i am not sure i am understanding or misunderstanding your comment here and true, i am not certain that i am BPD, but i just think a couple comments i made on a Debarina post and a Frostheaved post on the following page may give you important perspective on BPD males - or any for that matter. I do believe i am BPD. Again, i may be misunderstanding you but just in case i want you to know of what goes on inside a male (or any maybe) BPD head.
PS, your comment was the previous page. this answer ended up on what i called the following page. anyway...
PS, your comment was the previous page. this answer ended up on what i called the following page. anyway...
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I don't know what it is, but generally speaking, I've found BPD females to be more rational than BPD males. Maybe it's something that has to do with differences between the sexes? Like how females are better with qualitative ideas (analyzing) and males are better with quantitative ones (numbers), and also the fact that females are more likely to tell you exactly what they feel, while males try to keep it to themselves? So I don't know. It just seems to me that BPD males are quicker to get emotional, not tell you why, and then disappear. That's not to say they are all like that. But from my experience with BPD people, it's been more of a male thing.
yeah, i suppose i know what you mean. i think i am like that, but the truth is that i am feeling things very intensly inside and most of that would be love for another person if there was a way to make it come out and intermingle with her. it would be a very good and happy thing if it could. and anything like cutting off relationships is begging pleading and more to the other person to find a way to break in since i don’t have a way to get out. there just isn’t any way to get in though, is there?
Not with stupid people there isn't, no. I run too when I can't figure out a way to express myself to make them understand. But I do however, try to the best of my ability to make them understand first. So whatever is going on in my head, I make it known and try my ass off to not run away from the problem.
i talk, i write. i love to write, but when i write, people tell me i’m cryptic. so i read what i wrote again and it seems clear as day to me, but ok, i realize i am not saying it word for word and there is a bit of puzzle in it so i might write it again. and if i do and someone reads it they say “cryptic” like i didn’t make any changes. and you know, if they insist on something more clear, they are then forcing me into a very hurting situation where i have to endure pain in order to try to connect but to really only be reaching for an unknown. this is the problem. my solution may not work, i may be rejected again anyway. why do i have to go through even more pain to only end up where i started and to not accomplish anything? i literally feel as if i have been jumping and screaming all my life begging for notice and no one thinks i’m unhappy. they think i am just being me, being the way i want to be because i kind of like being difficult to others. that is so scalding to the person (the essence of me).
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I totally get that. Cryptic is a very BPD thing in general. I'm cryptic too. But when I'm speaking with someone whom I know won't understand any other way, I am able to break it down to the point that I am basically spoon-feeding it to them. I tell them, "This what you're doing that's hurting me right now, this is the way I took what you said, this is what I need from you to make it better, etc." But even still, some people, like I said, are stupid and don't understand no matter how much you break it down for them. So I get the not wanting to be in more pain part. Not a lot of people are able to break it down that thoroughly, I've found. But I'm good at understanding crypticism. So I'd settle just fine for that.