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Borderline Personality Disorder | What is BPD? | Signs of BPD
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@AsphyxiateOnWords sometimes too good. Which I love and hate simultaneously.
I think BPD is different for males. When I've googled things to understand my friend more, the info is negative. I guess for me I just go by how things go. I've told him that his attention is very intense like heaps of texts / ph calls & that I'm not used to that. Me saying that is why he went cold as he said last nite to give me space & back off so he didn't "lose me"
He has many fabulous qualities but his past trauma has stolen alot of his happiness & inner peace, hey totally get that. He didn't start life with a happy safe home & the repercussions from that have been many
I'll be there as a friend all I can do for now as I've had the worst depression of Late & it is taking all my energy putting on a fake smile & self for work & personally
thanks for your words xx
He has many fabulous qualities but his past trauma has stolen alot of his happiness & inner peace, hey totally get that. He didn't start life with a happy safe home & the repercussions from that have been many
I'll be there as a friend all I can do for now as I've had the worst depression of Late & it is taking all my energy putting on a fake smile & self for work & personally
thanks for your words xx
This defines my life.
I use one of my friends as a barometer. If she can understand (and she's been a friend since 16 so she's seen me for the past 8 years) then I know that others, even though they haven't been with me etc, should be able to understand it. If she can't, then they won't be able to. I know she knows a lot more than them... and she can usually tell me what should or shouldn't be understandable by others. I've learned that every word I write can usually be expanded to the length of a sentence or at times even a paragraph.
I use one of my friends as a barometer. If she can understand (and she's been a friend since 16 so she's seen me for the past 8 years) then I know that others, even though they haven't been with me etc, should be able to understand it. If she can't, then they won't be able to. I know she knows a lot more than them... and she can usually tell me what should or shouldn't be understandable by others. I've learned that every word I write can usually be expanded to the length of a sentence or at times even a paragraph.
First of all, I empathise with you, a lot. It makes me wonder about myself a little bit.
About knowing about my coworker's disorder: I work in a very supportive and close-knit team of... 4. We've been working together for a year, give or take. I think he (and the rest of us) was fine opening up, because of this. He's opened up more since then. I wish I knew more about how he thinks. He told me that he does work quickly so that he doesn't focus instead on what his mind says (I'm the opposite; when I fall into a spiral, I become a snail). I've often wondered if he has any suicidal thoughts.
About hellish friendship: we are within the range of being friends, but we're not that close. Maybe because of me, as I am even more reserved than he is. I'd probably be the more hellish one given how much I privately complain about myself.
About becoming a sort of therapist: I don't really think I'm a good fit for that, personally. I empathise with people because I've gone or am going through those things. However, I'm absolute poop at giving any kind of emotional support. One day I know I won't be around.
Thank you, extra, it was helpful.
I'm not sure what you mean by negotiate. But he's certainly more worthwhile and a better person than I am.
About knowing about my coworker's disorder: I work in a very supportive and close-knit team of... 4. We've been working together for a year, give or take. I think he (and the rest of us) was fine opening up, because of this. He's opened up more since then. I wish I knew more about how he thinks. He told me that he does work quickly so that he doesn't focus instead on what his mind says (I'm the opposite; when I fall into a spiral, I become a snail). I've often wondered if he has any suicidal thoughts.
About hellish friendship: we are within the range of being friends, but we're not that close. Maybe because of me, as I am even more reserved than he is. I'd probably be the more hellish one given how much I privately complain about myself.
About becoming a sort of therapist: I don't really think I'm a good fit for that, personally. I empathise with people because I've gone or am going through those things. However, I'm absolute poop at giving any kind of emotional support. One day I know I won't be around.
Thank you, extra, it was helpful.
I'm not sure what you mean by negotiate. But he's certainly more worthwhile and a better person than I am.
you sound like a really nice person so... being a therapist was just a thought - being knowledgeable. i’m sure others think it nice if you just... be around.
to find a way over or through... it might be his brain is something like mine. i know i’m not easily understood and dealing with me may not be such an easy process. so finding your way through the tangles in his mind might be what is in store. not necessarily such an easy - although worthwhile - journey.
to find a way over or through... it might be his brain is something like mine. i know i’m not easily understood and dealing with me may not be such an easy process. so finding your way through the tangles in his mind might be what is in store. not necessarily such an easy - although worthwhile - journey.
I'm sad today my very close friend who has severe BPD sent me a text today saying he can't continue our connection as he's quite "fucked up" "unable to properly connect" and a "BPD mental head case"
I replied with zip just a smiley face and "here if you need a mn ear" whAt else is there to do as its his demons
I was prepared to give a close connection with him s crack but he's ended things before they
I replied with zip just a smiley face and "here if you need a mn ear" whAt else is there to do as its his demons
I was prepared to give a close connection with him s crack but he's ended things before they
Sending hugs Deb
I actually disagree with Walker. Well, I partially agree. You can text him. But to be honest, there is only so much you can do. Regardless if a person has BPD or not. If someone were to text me that they can't be in touch, regardless of the why then I'd have to listen, else I'd be creating a relationship that isn't healthy. I'm not saying don't message him hi in a few months. I think the fact that you're being empathetic and staying there for him is keeping boundaries, and caring. Though what do I know????
I actually disagree with Walker. Well, I partially agree. You can text him. But to be honest, there is only so much you can do. Regardless if a person has BPD or not. If someone were to text me that they can't be in touch, regardless of the why then I'd have to listen, else I'd be creating a relationship that isn't healthy. I'm not saying don't message him hi in a few months. I think the fact that you're being empathetic and staying there for him is keeping boundaries, and caring. Though what do I know????
High five @Innocent Forever You're allowed to disagree that's what makes this place great.
Honestly that sounds like some stupid stuff I would do. And I must say if I ever said stuff like that, theres only two scenarios for me to say that:
1- I dont like the girl and dont know how else to cut it off without a lot of bad feelings (i know, Im awful)
2- (And the one id feel more inclined to believe) this is a plea for attention by specifically asking for the opposite to see what your reaction will be. If you care and you know he needed the support, youd be there for him right? That was my thought process in this.
Thats literally how I would/would have dealt with it, so may or may not be helpful coming straight from another bpd male, but Im just being honest.
Ive done it numerous times with my now-ex. She never seemed to be 'all in' like I felt like I was, so I occasionally did things like that to see if she would come to my aid....which typically it would be a "well let me know if I can help, Im here for you" which would typically send me on a rampage because that was not the outcome I wanted and at that point I would basically attack her for literally just being the person that she is.
I am a monster, I am well aware...
But at the same time, if youre in a relationship, shouldnt you be supporting each other? Like I know we have our boundaries and we cant just get support forever, but also I truly believe relationships arent just built to always bring your best self to the table even if you have to take a little break. Nah I say bring your worst so we can work ourselves out of it together, then we will have truly accomplished something and bonded in a positive way while growing together.
1- I dont like the girl and dont know how else to cut it off without a lot of bad feelings (i know, Im awful)
2- (And the one id feel more inclined to believe) this is a plea for attention by specifically asking for the opposite to see what your reaction will be. If you care and you know he needed the support, youd be there for him right? That was my thought process in this.
Thats literally how I would/would have dealt with it, so may or may not be helpful coming straight from another bpd male, but Im just being honest.
Ive done it numerous times with my now-ex. She never seemed to be 'all in' like I felt like I was, so I occasionally did things like that to see if she would come to my aid....which typically it would be a "well let me know if I can help, Im here for you" which would typically send me on a rampage because that was not the outcome I wanted and at that point I would basically attack her for literally just being the person that she is.
I am a monster, I am well aware...
But at the same time, if youre in a relationship, shouldnt you be supporting each other? Like I know we have our boundaries and we cant just get support forever, but also I truly believe relationships arent just built to always bring your best self to the table even if you have to take a little break. Nah I say bring your worst so we can work ourselves out of it together, then we will have truly accomplished something and bonded in a positive way while growing together.
This is my point of view based on my own experience in an intensive treatment program.
BPDers are warned:
• to not express and act on their feelings because the just don’t know how to do that.
• that they need doctors and psychologists and therapists and maybe even other experts to show them, teach them and even browbeat them into understanding that they must not follow their own inclinations, because their inclinations are simply disordered thinking and wrong.
• that they must abide by this rule - learn it and be prepared to live it before attempting interpersonal relationships.
I call this dark ages thinking and it is how i felt i was being treated (surrogately) when i saw others in group being treated this way. I felt as if we were being put down, categorized, and treated like a bunch of wild children who simply had poor parenting or other interferences and did not know how to behave in social settings.
it was a strong feeling. i admit that it is not all that way. i actually was disappointed when i had to leave that program.
but i do feel as if much of what goes into the treatment of BPD and other “personality disorders” comes from backward thinking. I believe a big flaw is found in DBT yet while i was in it, i was struggling to understand its application, and at times believing that this stuff actually comes natural to me while on the other hand, i often felt that i just was not yet ready for it.
and importantly, i think vocabulary is very important and that terminology presently causes lots of trouble for those who are psychologically encumbered. for at least me, i think referring to my difficulties as psychologically encumbered or other similar terminology is much less likely to cause stigma. (i’ve posted about this elsewhere). everyone encounters encumbrances and it is not a disease. . when you talk about illnesses, people naturally want to stay away. and i want to change the world in this way. i know changing the world is a delusion of grandeur, but, well, that’s me. i’m writing all this stuff down and keeping it. i have a website and once i figure out how to make it presentable, i will post my mind there and begin changing the world.
BPDers are warned:
• to not express and act on their feelings because the just don’t know how to do that.
• that they need doctors and psychologists and therapists and maybe even other experts to show them, teach them and even browbeat them into understanding that they must not follow their own inclinations, because their inclinations are simply disordered thinking and wrong.
• that they must abide by this rule - learn it and be prepared to live it before attempting interpersonal relationships.
I call this dark ages thinking and it is how i felt i was being treated (surrogately) when i saw others in group being treated this way. I felt as if we were being put down, categorized, and treated like a bunch of wild children who simply had poor parenting or other interferences and did not know how to behave in social settings.
it was a strong feeling. i admit that it is not all that way. i actually was disappointed when i had to leave that program.
but i do feel as if much of what goes into the treatment of BPD and other “personality disorders” comes from backward thinking. I believe a big flaw is found in DBT yet while i was in it, i was struggling to understand its application, and at times believing that this stuff actually comes natural to me while on the other hand, i often felt that i just was not yet ready for it.
and importantly, i think vocabulary is very important and that terminology presently causes lots of trouble for those who are psychologically encumbered. for at least me, i think referring to my difficulties as psychologically encumbered or other similar terminology is much less likely to cause stigma. (i’ve posted about this elsewhere). everyone encounters encumbrances and it is not a disease. . when you talk about illnesses, people naturally want to stay away. and i want to change the world in this way. i know changing the world is a delusion of grandeur, but, well, that’s me. i’m writing all this stuff down and keeping it. i have a website and once i figure out how to make it presentable, i will post my mind there and begin changing the world.
Thanks for your advice
I'm going to just leave it be, I don't need drama or a chaotic person in my life
I have wonderful well rounded balanced close friends ' family I realised today he's too traumatised & it's not my shit to sort but his.
Having a great long weekend in SA cooking wonderful friends dinner & drinking very good wine
I'm going to just leave it be, I don't need drama or a chaotic person in my life
I have wonderful well rounded balanced close friends ' family I realised today he's too traumatised & it's not my shit to sort but his.
Having a great long weekend in SA cooking wonderful friends dinner & drinking very good wine