Borderline Personality Disorder | What is BPD? | Signs of BPD

[Innocent Forever]

Damn it, that describes me almost to well.
What am I to do?

lol I just said the same (excepting 8). Why do anything?

 

[dandelions]

I'm never gonna be diagnosed with it, unless for some reason I'd go to a psychiatrist. But what do I need the diagnosis of it for? Though, the first time I called a therapist up - she works in the NHS and told me to go through the NHS which was a waste of time - one of the first questions she asked after I told her what was going on was whether I have a personality disorder. I was so insulted at the time!
Do the criteria fit? As I said, other than the anger to others (at nothing or to myself, I don't think more than the average person, well asides for breaking velvet hangers occasionally coz' that was at hand, and I'd love love love to break crockery. We so should...) and paranoia - which I know others would say I do, but it's different - it all defines me to a tee.
I don't see a reason for a diagnosis per se, only if it's going to help. At the moment I'd gain nothing from going to a psychiatrist. If I'd decide that I wanted therapy and wanted to enter the NHS system and go through the run around yet again, well, I can give a list of diagnosis they'd probably give. But I wouldn't trust them. I think I know myself and know what I need more than someone who sees me for an hour who I wouldn't say a word to (speaking is often unsafe) could ever know.

well first of all Innocent, you consistently strike me as someone who is very self confident and knows what she wants to do. you seem to be stable. i dont know you well of course. it isjust how you appear to present yourself. there are times i really regret being in the system. one is stigmatized. and even the therapist i love looked down on me. i felt that and coudl quote her on things she said that would identify that. that is not good and again a part of what i call dark ages. sometime i feel as if i have difficulties simply to try and help the care providers progress!!!

but if you ever do want to get diagnosed, i woudl suggest asking many questions before hand. make sure you understand what the will be doing and make sure they understand what you are considering for your needs. don’t do it if things remain unknown. and remember, they are paid employees working for you. it is not the other way around where they set all the rules. that’s what i think.

 

[Aurelia]

I'm never gonna be diagnosed with it, unless for some reason I'd go to a psychiatrist. But what do I need the diagnosis of it for? Though, the first time I called a therapist up - she works in the NHS and told me to go through the NHS which was a waste of time - one of the first questions she asked after I told her what was going on was whether I have a personality disorder. I was so insulted at the time!
Do the criteria fit? As I said, other than the anger to others (at nothing or to myself, I don't think more than the average person, well asides for breaking velvet hangers occasionally coz' that was at hand, and I'd love love love to break crockery. We so should...) and paranoia - which I know others would say I do, but it's different - it all defines me to a tee.
I don't see a reason for a diagnosis per se, only if it's going to help. At the moment I'd gain nothing from going to a psychiatrist. If I'd decide that I wanted therapy and wanted to enter the NHS system and go through the run around yet again, well, I can give a list of diagnosis they'd probably give. But I wouldn't trust them. I think I know myself and know what I need more than someone who sees me for an hour who I wouldn't say a word to (speaking is often unsafe) could ever know.

Yeah, I get that. I got diagnosed when I was 18-19, so about 10 years ago. BPD back then was basically a death sentence. My psych didn't want to diagnose me with it at all. So instead, he misdiagnosed me with Bipolar and DPD. But then he changed it after I told him that diagnosis was a load of crap and those symptoms don't fit me. But point is, it helped me at the time I guess because I had no idea wtf was wrong with me. All I knew was that I became a total psycho at times when people upset me. Getting the diagnosis really helped me figure it out a lot more. So I agree, unless it helps, there's no point.

 

[Nick]

lol I just said the same (excepting 8). Why do anything?

I feel like I need to do something. It just is.

I've been officially diagnosed now, so I guess it's good that it all matches up.

 

[Aurelia]

I feel like I need to do something. It just is.

I've been officially diagnosed now, so I guess it's good that it all matches up.

Lol considering you could relate to me as much as you have, I kind of already knew.

 

[dandelions]

Yeah, I get that. I got diagnosed when I was 18-19, so about 10 years ago. BPD back then was basically a death sentence. My psych didn't want to diagnose me with it at all. So instead, he misdiagnosed me with Bipolar and DPD. But then he changed it after I told him that diagnosis was a load of crap and those symptoms don't fit me. But point is, it helped me at the time I guess because I had no idea wtf was wrong with me. All I knew was that I became a total psycho at times when people upset me. Getting the diagnosis really helped me figure it out a lot more. So I agree, unless it helps, there's no point.

and doing it when you are young (maybe starting no later than 40) is crucial. personally i believe i have so much wrong, there just is no time left and why make the remaining 20 or so years horrible? i’m still considering what to do. being in your 30s or even younger means there is time to get things working right and having time to use it and enjoy it.

 

[Innocent Forever]

Yeah, if I hadn't been on SF, if I didn't identify and relate with all that some people write (and sometimes it scares me how much I can relate to it all), or have people identifying with what I write - and being able to explain what I think or what's going on for me better than I can myself (yup, a couple of you can do that as you know) than getting a diagnoses would have been really helpful. But as it is, being on here, understanding what's going on - even if I can't do anything about it. And having a diagnosis won't change it - gives me what I need. For the point of a diagnosis - in my opinion - is to guide you to understand yourself, and give you the help you need. Other than that it's defining and limiting. As I said, if it'd be a help for me, I'd do it. I can't imagine it ever being so, but hey, you never know.

 

[Nick]

As I said, if it'd be a help for me, I'd do it

For me, the official diagnoses was not helpful. I thought knowing for sure would help. It simply deflated what little hope was left. I feel now like there is no point. There is no cure. I will always be insane. Why bother?

 

[Aurelia]

and doing it when you are young (maybe starting no later than 40) is crucial. personally i believe i have so much wrong, there just is no time left and why make the remaining 20 or so years horrible? i’m still considering what to do. being in your 30s or even younger means there is time to get things working right and having time to use it and enjoy it.

Well, scientifically speaking, our brain is fully developed I think by age 23. Thats not to say its impossible to change from that point on, but it gets harder as time passes. Though, I was unable to back then and still unable to now it seems

 

[Aurelia]

Yeah, if I hadn't been on SF, if I didn't identify and relate with all that some people write (and sometimes it scares me how much I can relate to it all), or have people identifying with what I write - and being able to explain what I think or what's going on for me better than I can myself (yup, a couple of you can do that as you know) than getting a diagnoses would have been really helpful. But as it is, being on here, understanding what's going on - even if I can't do anything about it. And having a diagnosis won't change it - gives me what I need. For the point of a diagnosis - in my opinion - is to guide you to understand yourself, and give you the help you need. Other than that it's defining and limiting. As I said, if it'd be a help for me, I'd do it. I can't imagine it ever being so, but hey, you never know.

Yeah, I absolutely agree with what you're saying. Though, I admit, I'd be curious to get rediagnosed to see if anything has changed in a decade's time. I'm pretty damn sure the BPD hasn't changed, but maybe something else has.

 

[Innocent Forever]

For me, the official diagnoses was not helpful. I thought knowing for sure would help. It simply deflated what little hope was left. I feel now like there is no point. There is no cure. I will always be insane. Why bother?

That's the 'why' of why I hate the labels, coz' it seems so defining and limiting.
I honestly believe that knowing helps - not the label but the what's behind it. Because if you know you fear abandonment - taking that as it's the first on asph's list - than it won't change that you fear it. It will help you to see when you're making it into a self fulfilling prophesy. You'll begin to notice what you're doing to make it happen. And you'll know too, that it's a fear not especially based in reality, it's just part of the makeup of who you are because of your life's experiences.
Does it all change immediately? Not at all. But eventually, with time? Yes, it does. Awareness does in fact change things. And it helps you to know exactly what you need to do about it.
Labels don't make you insane. Only you define insanity. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over. Sanity is learning what was, what can be.
It doesn't mean it all changes. It means that you can learn how to handle it. If you don't know that you're cutting a vegetable and think you're cutting ice cream, you'll use an ice cream knife and hurt yourself in the process instead of using a vegetable knife.

 

[Aurelia]

For me, the official diagnoses was not helpful. I thought knowing for sure would help. It simply deflated what little hope was left. I feel now like there is no point. There is no cure. I will always be insane. Why bother?

There may not be a cure, but there has been scientific evidence that BPD gets better with age. Past age 50, it gradually gets better in a lot of people.

 

[Innocent Forever]

Though, I admit, I'd be curious to get rediagnosed to see if anything has changed in a decade's time. I'm pretty damn sure the BPD hasn't changed, but maybe something else has.

Why not do it? I know someone diagnosed with BPD who says the diagnosis wouldn't fit her any longer (most the rest of those on her list would).

 

[Innocent Forever]

There may not be a cure, but there has been scientific evidence that BPD gets better with age. Past age 50, it gradually gets better in a lot of people.

you know that's pointless? What, wait for however many more years that it should change miraculously????

 

[Aurelia]

That's the 'why' of why I hate the labels, coz' it seems so defining and limiting.
I honestly believe that knowing helps - not the label but the what's behind it. Because if you know you fear abandonment - taking that as it's the first on asph's list - than it won't change that you fear it. It will help you to see when you're making it into a self fulfilling prophesy. You'll begin to notice what you're doing to make it happen. And you'll know too, that it's a fear not especially based in reality, it's just part of the makeup of who you are because of your life's experiences.
Does it all change immediately? Not at all. But eventually, with time? Yes, it does. Awareness does in fact change things. And it helps you to know exactly what you need to do about it.
Labels don't make you insane. Only you define insanity. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over. Sanity is learning what was, what can be.
It doesn't mean it all changes. It means that you can learn how to handle it. If you don't know that you're cutting a vegetable and think you're cutting ice cream, you'll use an ice cream knife and hurt yourself in the process instead of using a vegetable knife.

Yeah, fear of abandonment is pretty much the core BPD symptom. That's why it's first on the list. It's probably the first one I noticed in myself out of all of them.

And compared to the rest of humanity, I don't think any of you are insane. @Kalicka I think you're fucking intelligent as hell and you already know all the reasons I adore you. @Innocent Forever you're extremely perceptive, smart, kind, and such an amazing human being. @extraterrestrialone I love the way you think outside the box. You're all unique and awesome and don't you people forget it.

 

[Aurelia]

you know that's pointless? What, wait for however many more years that it should change miraculously????

That's true. I feel the same way. Though, it does give me a little bit of hope at least.

 

[Nick]

There may not be a cure, but there has been scientific evidence that BPD gets better with age. Past age 50, it gradually gets better in a lot of people.

Yeah, 50 isn't in the cards.
Maybe my next birthday. It's pretty soon. I would keep it a secret, but I know a zombie monkey who probably knows these things.

 

[dandelions]

Well, scientifically speaking, our brain is fully developed I think by age 23. Thats not to say its impossible to change from that point on, but it gets harder as time passes. Though, I was unable to back then and still unable to now it seems

i have a feeling that a huge part of the problem is how the mental healthcare system approaches the problems of the “mentally ill” i think they see them (us? me anyway) as underlings in need. and i will say it again and again, that is dark ages!!! with a put down like that, you are only rising up to being a healing underling. i mentioned something elsewhere - oh yes, something like “diagnosing disorders of the mentally well” i suspect smartness is actually a disorder and who is smart? those diagnosing us (well at least me). we are being treated with disordered thinking i think.

 

[Aurelia]

i have a feeling that a huge part of the problem is how the mental healthcare system approaches the problems of the “mentally ill” i think they see them (us? me anyway) as underlings in need. and i will say it again and again, that is dark ages!!! with a put down like that, you are only rising up to being a healing underling. i mentioned something elsewhere - oh yes, something like “diagnosing disorders of the mentally well” i suspect smartness is actually a disorder and who is smart? those diagnosing us (well at least me). we are being treated with disordered thinking i think.

I absolutely agree with this. I think "mental illness" is a way for them to isolate us from the rest of society because, in their state of ignorance, they're basically afraid of us for being different and/or "out of the ordinary". And I agree with you about the dark ages. Reminds me of Victorian times really.

 

[dandelions]

BPD gets better with age. Past age 50,

Yeah, 50 isn't in the cards.
Maybe my next birthday. It's pretty soon. I would keep it a secret, but I know a zombie monkey who probably knows these things.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not wait for 50. if it gets better, it doesn’t always. i am living proof. don’t take the chance and don’t live on false hope. i think making the best of what you presently have is a good place to start or continue. be here. there’s lots of good going on here. hopefully someone will begin to believe my cries of dark ages thinking. i really believe mental healthcare is in the dark ages. it needs new approaches and techniques. it needs dedicated therapists not 9 to 5ers. i would change everything if i could. i hope that sometime in my living future i can attempt it in some small or huge way.