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BPD Support Thread
- Thread starter Aurelia
- Start date
I thought this about myself because I always seemed to be attracted to narcissistic or abusive guys. Whenever I went out with kind and caring people, I found myself getting bored so I would end the relationship and run back to the same people who would just hurt end up hurting me.
But when I met my husband 8 years ago (just after I’d left an abusive relationship with my ex) I felt a spark straight away and he is certainly not a narcissist or sociopath. Sure, he’s not perfect but who is? What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think you’re destined to be with those kind of people forever. It sounds like you are ready for a healthy relationship so I think (and hope that) that person will turn up when you least expect it.
But when I met my husband 8 years ago (just after I’d left an abusive relationship with my ex) I felt a spark straight away and he is certainly not a narcissist or sociopath. Sure, he’s not perfect but who is? What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think you’re destined to be with those kind of people forever. It sounds like you are ready for a healthy relationship so I think (and hope that) that person will turn up when you least expect it.
Was watching the 1999 movie Fear last night with Reese Witherspoon, and Mark Wahlberg playing the abusive boyfriend. And it totally reminded me of my own situation with my husband...how he was perfectly sweet and charming in the beginning and then became abusive as fuck.
Christ, I can't believe that was 23 years ago. I'm fucking OLD.
Christ, I can't believe that was 23 years ago. I'm fucking OLD.
Sometimes I wish I just didn't give a fuck and used other people just like I was used. Dude I went out with can apparently get me a fake vaxx card so that I'd be able to go to my concert that I've been waiting for for 9 fucking months...BUT the ethical thing to do, since I didn't like him all that much, is not to talk to him again. And yet, my brain is still saying, "Well, it wouldn't hurt to date him for just a little while longer...would it?" Sorry brain, but yes, it kind of would.
This is exactly what Kant meant about treating people as an end and not a means to an end. If everyone followed this principle, none of us would be having to deal with abusive pieces of shit.
This is exactly what Kant meant about treating people as an end and not a means to an end. If everyone followed this principle, none of us would be having to deal with abusive pieces of shit.
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One thing I noticed about my husband that I was attracted to immediately was his confidence. But it was a natural confidence, and not arrogant in any way. I just remember thinking “I like him” and I never really felt that with my past boyfriends. I think it was more of a physical attraction with them and even though I am physically attracted to my husband, that wasn’t the first thing that drew me to him. Also, he was working in care (adults with learning disabilities) at the time which was what I was doing too, but with a different organisation so that attracted me to him as well because we had that in common.
Yeah I think being a good communicator is important too, it’s something my husband and I have had to work on because I was not the best communicator when we first got together and neither was he but we’re a lot better now. I guess it can work if you’re both willing to try and improve that communication.
Fuck, man, I never saw the end of that movie last night because I fell asleep so just finished watching it now and Christ, you can just tell the motherfucker is completely delusional. He's about to shoot her father in front of her and is still convinced in his mind that she should want to be with him. That's classic narcissistic behavior.
He saw it as basically a competition between him and her father, when in reality, the father simply hated him because he was psychotic. But nothing narcissists do is ever wrong in their minds.
He saw it as basically a competition between him and her father, when in reality, the father simply hated him because he was psychotic. But nothing narcissists do is ever wrong in their minds.
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