BPD Support Thread

[roryandlola]

The thing is, with me, it always feels like that at first too. But they always end up hurting you one way or another. In the beginning, it's like, I don't know, maybe they are their best selves because try harder to keep you. But then, eventually, they start not giving a shit and treating you like shit, and having very little regard for your feelings. But you're already attached at that point and in love, so you stick around anyway and forgive. But time after time, it just gets worse and worse until it starts feeling like they're not even the same person that you first met. I'm not saying that's how it's going to be with you, Witty, but that's how it's been with me. He's done things that most people would never have tolerated and stuck around for. And then there's the name calling, lashing out over dumb shit, disrespecting me, deliberately doing things that he knows will upset the fuck out of me, lying to me, hiding things from me, being unappreciative as hell of what I do for him and for us, and never even giving a shit when he hurts me and makes me cry. It just feels like the same story again and again. Granted, out of every chaotic relationship I've had, this one definitely takes the cake. But they're all the same in that they all hurt me over and over again, and I can't trust them. Every time I think, "Oh, this one is different than the rest," I end up being wrong. So I don't know, maybe if I decided to go with a woman instead, it wouldn't be this way.

I think that women are just as much ,if not more complicated -all my daughters girlfriends have been hard work!im not dismissing what you are say, it just made me smile as I often think it would be easier. I am so exhausted having bpd, I cant understand things in real life, totally feel like a little kid in an adults body. I fall in love immediately and put up with so much-I was meant to marry a man that I had known for ages, we had set the date, paid everything and then 3 weeks before he pulled out of it. I was sooo devastated but gave him another chance because I thought he wouldn't mean to hurt me [stupid I know], he then pulled out of moving to a new flat [we didn't live together at that point], and still I gave him another chance. anyway he left me and my daughter with no money for weeks, we got into huge rent arrears, that I am still paying off now. luckily it was with the council so I kept my home. we also had to use food banks. that is the point that i finished with him, and then after that i found out he lived with someone else and had been so mean about me to everyone, telling them we had finished our relationship a year before. no one else would have accepted this, and when i look back i do feel stupid, but ive done it soooo many times. there is another man i like, he wants to take it slow so i agreed even tho in my head we are married etc. its so tiring because he forgot to pick up a newspaper for me-so i thought he didnt like me, was about to finish with me. spent all that afternoon self harming and being scared that he hated me. i spoke to him the next day and he looked at me as if i was an idiot-quite right it is only a paper. i dont want to scare him, but i dont think i am acting like a normal human anyway. sorry to rant i am just grateful there is this thread. being chaotic and hugely sensitive is hard work. any advice is welcome. been like this for over 25yrs

 

[Aurelia]

I think that women are just as much ,if not more complicated -all my daughters girlfriends have been hard work!im not dismissing what you are say, it just made me smile as I often think it would be easier. I am so exhausted having bpd, I cant understand things in real life, totally feel like a little kid in an adults body. I fall in love immediately and put up with so much-I was meant to marry a man that I had known for ages, we had set the date, paid everything and then 3 weeks before he pulled out of it. I was sooo devastated but gave him another chance because I thought he wouldn't mean to hurt me [stupid I know], he then pulled out of moving to a new flat [we didn't live together at that point], and still I gave him another chance. anyway he left me and my daughter with no money for weeks, we got into huge rent arrears, that I am still paying off now. luckily it was with the council so I kept my home. we also had to use food banks. that is the point that i finished with him, and then after that i found out he lived with someone else and had been so mean about me to everyone, telling them we had finished our relationship a year before. no one else would have accepted this, and when i look back i do feel stupid, but ive done it soooo many times. there is another man i like, he wants to take it slow so i agreed even tho in my head we are married etc. its so tiring because he forgot to pick up a newspaper for me-so i thought he didnt like me, was about to finish with me. spent all that afternoon self harming and being scared that he hated me. i spoke to him the next day and he looked at me as if i was an idiot-quite right it is only a paper. i dont want to scare him, but i dont think i am acting like a normal human anyway. sorry to rant i am just grateful there is this thread. being chaotic and hugely sensitive is hard work. any advice is welcome. been like this for over 25yrs

Unfortunately, what taught me to have more self-control is getting into a relationship with someone crazier than I am, lol. Sad as it is to say, him mistreating me and acting like a total psycho at times has made me a lot more tolerant of things that, a decade ago, would have made me lash out. I'm still scared of being abandoned and my emotions are still unstable at times, but I've learned not to act out right away when I'm upset. So toxic as this marriage may be, I suppose I owe him a thank you for that.

 

[roryandlola]

Unfortunately, what taught me to have more self-control is getting into a relationship with someone crazier than I am, lol. Sad as it is to say, him mistreating me and acting like a total psycho at times has made me a lot more tolerant of things that, a decade ago, would have made me lash out. I'm still scared of being abandoned and my emotions are still unstable at times, but I've learned not to act out right away when I'm upset. So toxic as this marriage may be, I suppose I owe him a thank you for that.

that's a good way to look at it I suppose, I cant imagine a time when I am stable for more than a hour or so tho thats good that you wait for a while when you are upset, gives me hope. why do all the emotionally softest and most sensitive attract all the idiots?
nice to be able to speak about bpd, as opposed to have to explain it. im grateful for this feed and you all

 

[Aurelia]

that's a good way to look at it I suppose, I cant imagine a time when I am stable for more than a hour or so tho thats good that you wait for a while when you are upset, gives me hope. why do all the emotionally softest and most sensitive attract all the idiots?
nice to be able to speak about bpd, as opposed to have to explain it. im grateful for this feed and you all

Well, it's actually quite common for borderlines to be attracted to narcissists and vice versa. The narcissist needs someone to fuel their ego and the borderline needs someone to be empathetic and comforting. And at first, that's exactly what the narcissist will do. Then after some time passes, they show their "true colors", but by then it's too late. The borderline is afraid of being abandoned, so they stay. And the narcissist, despite the tough exterior, is also usually afraid of being alone.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

How do you deal with BPD rage? it's not totally unfounded, given what has happened recently, but I feel like it's going to tear me apart from the inside out.

 

[roryandlola]

Well, it's actually quite common for borderlines to be attracted to narcissists and vice versa. The narcissist needs someone to fuel their ego and the borderline needs someone to be empathetic and comforting. And at first, that's exactly what the narcissist will do. Then after some time passes, they show their "true colors", but by then it's too late. The borderline is afraid of being abandoned, so they stay. And the narcissist, despite the tough exterior, is also usually afraid of being alone.

wow you have just summed it up for me- had bpd for years but never looked at it like that. I genuinely mean thankyou so much for that. def thought I knew everything about it, but what you wrote has made so much fall into place in my head and makes sense

 

[roryandlola]

How do you deal with BPD rage? it's not totally unfounded, given what has happened recently, but I feel like it's going to tear me apart from the inside out.

I don't deal with rage in a good way at all, so cant answer that. still use bad self harm for that, not the right way but that's all I know at the mo. hope you do get the advice you need [ and me], from someone here

 

[Aurelia]

How do you deal with BPD rage? it's not totally unfounded, given what has happened recently, but I feel like it's going to tear me apart from the inside out.

I don't really get that anymore. I used to, though, and I felt like I couldn't control it at all. Hell, I ended up punching my ex in the face the one time, and I forget what he even did at this point, lol. Now, I guess I just learned to control it a lot more and think before I act. That's not to say it still couldn't come out if I'm provoked enough, but I'm a lot better with it than I used to be. I suppose I just started thinking about the consequences of my actions more.

 

[roryandlola]

I don't really get that anymore. I used to, though, and I felt like I couldn't control it at all. Hell, I ended up punching my ex in the face the one time, and I forget what he even did at this point, lol. Now, I guess I just learned to control it a lot more and think before I act. That's not to say it still couldn't come out if I'm provoked enough, but I'm a lot better with it than I used to be. I suppose I just started thinking about the consequences of my actions more.

I just don't think of the consequences of anything so I think you do really well, I seem to either shout or cry....then think about it. its exhausting but mainly I feel like I cant be around situations incase I over react, and the response I always seem to get is 'but you look so normal', ffs what do you think I should look like

 

[Aurelia]

I just don't think of the consequences of anything so I think you do really well, I seem to either shout or cry....then think about it. its exhausting but mainly I feel like I cant be around situations incase I over react, and the response I always seem to get is 'but you look so normal', ffs what do you think I should look like

Haha. Yeah, I've gotten that response before too. Before I started datimg anyone, I'd always tell them I had BPD because I didn't want to be with anyone without them being prepared for what they were getting themselves into. And their response would always be, "Nah, I can handle it. You're perfectly fine." Then several months later..."What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Hey, I warned you. Not my fault you didn't listen, lol.

 

[roryandlola]

Haha. Yeah, I've gotten that response before too. Before I started datimg anyone, I'd always tell them I had BPD because I didn't want to be with anyone without them being prepared for what they were getting themselves into. And their response would always be, "Nah, I can handle it. You're perfectly fine." Then several months later..."What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Hey, I warned you. Not my fault you didn't listen, lol.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I don't really get that anymore. I used to, though, and I felt like I couldn't control it at all. Hell, I ended up punching my ex in the face the one time, and I forget what he even did at this point, lol. Now, I guess I just learned to control it a lot more and think before I act. That's not to say it still couldn't come out if I'm provoked enough, but I'm a lot better with it than I used to be. I suppose I just started thinking about the consequences of my actions more.

I usually don't feel so much rage until I get pushed to a certain point. But I'm trying to rein it back because it could get me into trounle.

 

[Angie74]

I'm losing myself, not that I ever really had a sense of self. But I let my addict bf move in a little over a week ago, and now I seem unable to say no to anything, because I'm desparate for his limited attention and affection. I completely disgust myself. And I don't know how to get out of this. I had to save him, literally, from a heroin overdose the other day. I am SO stressed. And such an idiot. I hate myself.

 

[Atreides]

I'm losing myself, not that I ever really had a sense of self. But I let my addict bf move in a little over a week ago, and now I seem unable to say no to anything, because I'm desparate for his limited attention and affection. I completely disgust myself. And I don't know how to get out of this. I had to save him, literally, from a heroin overdose the other day. I am SO stressed. And such an idiot. I hate myself.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be overwhelming. We're here for you.

 

[Angie74]

Thank you.

 

[Angie74]

I need to get my bf to leave, and I can't.

 

[Angie74]

I never should have been stupid enough to let him come here, but I was so lonely. I can't hurt him and tell him what I think of him, so I'm trying to make him leave by driving him crazy, and it's not working. I can't help him. I'm trapped. He will probably tell his friends where i live, and harass me if I kick him out. And if he dies, I'll be at least partially responsible. I might get kicked out of my apartment. This is all my own stupid fault, because I couldn't handle being alone.

 

[Atreides]

I never should have been stupid enough to let him come here, but I was so lonely. I can't hurt him and tell him what I think of him, so I'm trying to make him leave by driving him crazy, and it's not working. I can't help him. I'm trapped. He will probably tell his friends where i live, and harass me if I kick him out. And if he dies, I'll be at least partially responsible. I might get kicked out of my apartment. This is all my own stupid fault, because I couldn't handle being alone.

 

[Angie74]

I'm a freak. I have a bit of time away from my bf, but I feel abandoned, rejected, and lost. I can't stop myself from behaving frantically.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I'm a freak. I have a bit of time away from my bf, but I feel abandoned, rejected, and lost. I can't stop myself from behaving frantically.

That's normal for those of us who have BPD. Don't be so hard on yourself.