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BPD Support Thread
- Thread starter Aurelia
- Start date
Hey guys...I don't have BPD, but is it okay if I share something and ask stuff about it?
I was in an online relationship with someone who has BPD, and we're still friends and chat.
I know she's a good person and cares for me (in a way - or more so, she helped me a lot), but she got confused many times, and it was heartbreaking when she asked to have me back, then changed her mind later again...I'll likely never get into it again, regardless of how I (or she) might feel. ((1. I'm not really entirely sure if BPD was an issue, and I hope I didn't offend anyone, but maybe someone can shed some light onto it?? I also have other questions. 2. How do I get her to open up? And do I *need to*? She always says she's fine (lately, even when we were together in a way), but I know that's not true based on her social media posts, "memes" etc. I guess It's possible she's venting to someone else, but IDK)).
I was in an online relationship with someone who has BPD, and we're still friends and chat.
I know she's a good person and cares for me (in a way - or more so, she helped me a lot), but she got confused many times, and it was heartbreaking when she asked to have me back, then changed her mind later again...I'll likely never get into it again, regardless of how I (or she) might feel. ((1. I'm not really entirely sure if BPD was an issue, and I hope I didn't offend anyone, but maybe someone can shed some light onto it?? I also have other questions. 2. How do I get her to open up? And do I *need to*? She always says she's fine (lately, even when we were together in a way), but I know that's not true based on her social media posts, "memes" etc. I guess It's possible she's venting to someone else, but IDK)).
It's very common for someone with BPD to change their mind about how they feel, and to not be able to commit to a relationship for long. Your question, however, is basically why, right? Why would she want to get back with you and then change her mind? There could be a variety of reasons for that. Maybe still talking to you and feeling validated and supported brought up romantic feelings for her again, or maybe she was just lonely and didn't want to be alone. And then when she had you back, perhaps the initial excitement of being in a relationship again had passed, and she realized that she still felt alone. I mean, I could make a number of different guesses as to why, but it really depends on what exactly was going through her mind at the time. All I can tell you for sure is that it's very common for Borderlines to be in and out of relationships.
After reading some stuff here now, I think I might get it more...
We didn't get to talk too much due to time zone, and sometimes, I didn't even get on the chat (I tried but-) was really obsessed with a video game, and it was all that was on my mind at the time, more or less, and needed to play compulsively...
Plus, me being more of a hermit who needs a ton of alone time either way, I guess we weren't "meat to be", as she once said we were...a shame. Hope she finds someone who fits her more, though. *ramble...*
...Did you guys have many relationships? How did they go?
Especially if you're still in them; - how is it going?
We didn't get to talk too much due to time zone, and sometimes, I didn't even get on the chat (I tried but-) was really obsessed with a video game, and it was all that was on my mind at the time, more or less, and needed to play compulsively...
Plus, me being more of a hermit who needs a ton of alone time either way, I guess we weren't "meat to be", as she once said we were...a shame. Hope she finds someone who fits her more, though. *ramble...*
...Did you guys have many relationships? How did they go?
Especially if you're still in them; - how is it going?
Oh, yeah. That would definitely do it. You choosing to play a video game and not coming online to talk to her (whether it was your fault or not) made her feel abandoned. That much is pretty clear to me from reading what you said. It's not your fault, it's just how Borderlines tend to be. We need a lot of attention and affection constantly. And when we don't get it, we feel abandoned.
Yeah...I felt liked sh**, but I didn't blame her even at the moment. And I'm sure that's the case when I think about it.
She seemed to want me back at random when we chatted, and I tried to tell her to wait till I can visit, but she pressed so I agreed and was really happy about it for a while...then she said she felt bad for pressuring me into it, and I *knew* something was wrong...later she said she rushed into it, and that was that. I didn't know back then people with BPD had *momenteral* feelings however..that makes so much sense...
And yeah, dumb crusader kings 2 could have been the culprit in our break up too, most likely..
She seemed to want me back at random when we chatted, and I tried to tell her to wait till I can visit, but she pressed so I agreed and was really happy about it for a while...then she said she felt bad for pressuring me into it, and I *knew* something was wrong...later she said she rushed into it, and that was that. I didn't know back then people with BPD had *momenteral* feelings however..that makes so much sense...
And yeah, dumb crusader kings 2 could have been the culprit in our break up too, most likely..
Oh, just one more thing...Is it okay if I tell her about what I've learned? Would she like that, or nah?
Or is it best to keep our conversation at a minimum now, since certain stuff said can bring some feelings back?
And as I said, I'm not planning to get back into it, sadly. Think it's best for both.
Or is it best to keep our conversation at a minimum now, since certain stuff said can bring some feelings back?
And as I said, I'm not planning to get back into it, sadly. Think it's best for both.
I think that would probably be best too if you don't get back into it. As for telling her, I mean, that's up to you. You know her better than I do, so if you think she would react badly, I wouldn't tell her. Is she someone who is relatively self-aware of her emotions and behaviors? Does she understand much about BPD?
Depends on the person, I'm one of those people who likes to stick with someone for a long time. So I'm devastated when they get sick of me. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year, so far that's the longest someone has ever been interested in me. Sometimes I doubt myself, but I try my best not to do that. And yeah, I tend to worry when he's busy or think I'm annoying him, though I'm sure it's not true.