Dont know what to do anymore (venting)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Unknownnobody013, May 5, 2016.

  1. Unknownnobody013

    Unknownnobody013 New Member

    Dont even know what to write. Im just desperate to keep myself occupied at the moment. Oh god i dont even know what i want to say. I mean yeah im safe and all but its kind of wishing i wasnt, you know? Like, no im not in any immediate danger but i wish i was. I want to be. I dont want to wake up but i cant kill myself. My mind screams for suicide but my body cant do it. Its like everytime im alone dark, sharp smoke enters my skull and i just feel like banging my head hard against a wall to make it stop or even better just chop it off. How do you tell this to people, and more importantly why? Ive told people before but it didnt get better because of it. Not for long anyways, i mean im still here alone in my bed wishing to be dead. Meds, therapy, you name it, nothing works. I always end up here. Fkn always. But i guess thats how its supposed to be. Ive always known that this is what life is but i just cant learn to live with it, dont want to. Its not worth it. Im sick of it all, but im stuck and i dont know what to do. Cant go either way. Ugh.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hi, and welcome to the forum @Unknownnobody013

    I'm really sorry to hear how bad you're feeling.
    You have done a lot to help yourself already, and that's well done.

    It can be difficult to tell people that you are struggling, but if you tell the right people and find you can rely on them it can help you.
    Do you have close friends or family?

    Can I ask you what therapy forms you've tried? When did you last have your meds changed or the dosage changed? as far as I'm aware meds take a while to work, and might need a lot of tweaking before you find what helps you.
    There are several therapy forms, and different therapists, not all might work with you. Its not a 'one size fits all' thing. Some find talk therapy works, others find it takes more solution based therapies like DBT or CBT.

    I hope you won't give up, I know you've tried a lot, and it might be a tough fight, but give yourself another chance.

    I hope you find this forum or the chatroom helpful, and know my inbox is always open!