Down a path

[seabird]

How to gauge what sort of obligation, responsibility, & energy to freely give another person.
When does the time come to an end, in the case of someone who needs too much of you. If they are also depressed, what then. Do othersntake precedence over oneself, when you know how hard they're leaning?

 

[seabird]

I'm not sure I want to know this new realization. Why couldn't it have hit back when it would've been useful in preventing the mistakes I've made. That's a question for the universe which already asnwered.
Holy shit I wish I'd seen this when it mattered.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

I'm not sure I want to know this new realization. Why couldn't it have hit back when it would've been useful in preventing the mistakes I've made. That's a question for the universe which already asnwered.
Holy shit I wish I'd seen this when it mattered.

want to say more? Sounds heavy. Hindsight is 20/20. we all make mistakes - thats how we know we are participating in life. 😂🤔

 

[AvidFan]

want to say more? Sounds heavy. Hindsight is 20/20. we all make mistakes - thats how we know we are participating in life. 😂🤔

I think we'd all like a time machine so we could use what we know now and just go and whisper or pass a note to our previous selves. I can certainly think of many situations I'd have dealt with differently, but I guess I was doing the best I could as the person I was at that time.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

I think we'd all like a time machine so we could use what we know now and just go and whisper or pass a note to our previous selves. I can certainly think of many situations I'd have dealt with differently, but I guess I was doing the best I could as the person I was at that time.

Agreed. I Think we forget to acknowledge our effort . We do the best we can with what we have.

 

[seabird]

a time machine might work @AvidFan . (Are they safe?) rhetorical question.

My next step is to forgive myself. A thing I'm not sure how to do.

It's heavy @FlamingoWrangler , and when I get past this bewilderment of emotionsI'll be able to make sense of it, I hope.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

@seabird - Forgiveness is hard. Similar to breaking a habit. Have you ever used post it notes? Writing a few things down and posting it somewhere.
For example : “It’s ok to forgive myself.” On a paper. Then Place it on the bathroom mirror .
As you wash your hands or brush your teeth, you can be mindful, be reminded… that forgiveness is ok.

you can always post more here. But if you’re not aren’t ready, & want to share more- you can pm me. Sometimes an all out therapeutic word vomit can help you see things clearer! 😂 (It doesn’t have to make sense to me.)

you are worthy of forgiveness.

🦩🦩🦩

 

[seabird]

you can always post more here. But if you’re not aren’t ready, & want to share more- you can pm me. Sometimes an all out therapeutic word vomit can help you see things clearer! 😂 (It doesn’t have to make sense to me.)

😊 I might take you up on that. It's a mess at present. Putting it into words as you said may cause some filters to activate. lol word barf cleaning filters

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

😊 I might take you up on that. It's a mess at present. Putting it into words as you said may cause some filters to activate. lol word barf cleaning filters

unfiltered is fine. 😉

 

[seabird]

@FlamingoWrangler thank you.

it's amazingthat SF is here.

I've made a series of seriously dumb maneuvers & experienced loss & trauma & it has all become too much. So if I let it out unfiltered, once started it's likely to be extremely long
Actually it helps to write that.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

@FlamingoWrangler thank you.

it's amazingthat SF is here.

I've made a series of seriously dumb maneuvers & experienced loss & trauma & it has all become too much. So if I let it out unfiltered, once started it's likely to be extremely long
Actually it helps to write that.

if it is helpful for you, thats the point. Sometimes it helps to unbury yourself from those repeating hurts.
I can take a break from reading if i need to! When the time is right, the offer stands.

 

[seabird]

A sort of poem I wrote about a friend and partner, who died.

Dot. Line. Blank empty space.
Flower died, nothing takes its place.
Cloud. Peace. Touch. You.
Time, distance, courage, true.
Chuckle. Boy. Gift. Love.
Mist, Search, Fragile, dove.
Working, praying, cooking, more,
Awe, Strength, Power, raw.
Roar, spittle, shame, monsters rive,
Throwing, leaping, bridges live,
Light, flight, and givers give,
Timeless, stories, scents, I mock,
A heart, a dime, always locked,
Try to wind
Try to craft, keep it lofty floating raft,
Love and rocks, blood and more,
came to rest at heaven's door.

 

[AvidFan]

A sort of poem I wrote about a friend and partner, who died.

Dot. Line. Blank empty space.
Flower died, nothing takes its place.
Cloud. Peace. Touch. You.
Time, distance, courage, true.
Chuckle. Boy. Gift. Love.
Mist, Search, Fragile, dove.
Working, praying, cooking, more,
Awe, Strength, Power, raw.
Roar, spittle, shame, monsters rive,
Throwing, leaping, bridges live,
Light, flight, and givers give,
Timeless, stories, scents, I mock,
A heart, a dime, always locked,
Try to wind
Try to craft, keep it lofty floating raft,
Love and rocks, blood and more,
came to rest at heaven's door.

This is beautiful. I love the staccato punctuation with the full stops, dwelling on each word as its own concept. I can't imagine the amount of pain you poured into this, but it is a beautiful heartfelt piece of writing.

 

[seabird]

thank you for reading the words @AvidFan . I wasn't sure about posting but your response makes it seem the right thing to have done. To get it out

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

Thanks for sharing this. I like it a lot.
💜💜💜

 

[seabird]

Glad you like it a lot @FlamingoWrangler. If it connects with your feelings, or other's feelings, that makes it a little less sad for me.

 

[1964dodge]

very well written @seabird

mike....

 

[seabird]

I think the path just took a horseshoe turn and got a lot steeper

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

I think the path just took a horseshoe turn and got a lot steeper

oh no!
Turns out I have noticed your strength, you are really 💪 strong. Stronger than you realize.
But since we all get exhausted, I will have a comfy chair, foot rest, pillows, snacks & drinks ready for when you are ready for a safe place to rest.
You are good. ✌️💜

🦩🦩

 

[seabird]

why is it when someone is kind I cry.
I am and have been not good & I don't know if I deserve any rest. : |
thank you @FlamingoWrangler
Kind of at a loss for words this evening but I hope I get the meaning across. <3