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"Emotional Blunting"?

Jack D

SF Supporter
#1
Wow, it really has been a while since I've made a contribution to SF. And during that time a lot of things have dramatically changed. However, some of it hasn't been for the better.

As time has gone on, as I have made new friends (albeit online ones), and tried to become more social and in touch with my emotions, I am finding myself come full circle and doing the exact opposite of what I intended to do. I have noticed myself becoming increasingly more self-isolating, unwilling to talk to people about my problems, refuse to talk at all to people and have seen the return of the same intrusive thoughts responsible for me destroying my own success. Stuff like "you're not good enough for these people" or "they don't want you anyway, you're just a burden". However, my worst concern stems from the fact that I just cannot seem to be able to express emotions entirely. I can still feel saddened, angry or whatever emotion is relevant but I can no longer physically show it or release it, and it's making me feel incredibly trapped and even more isolated than before. And with things coming back to make me feel sad, these things are only reinforcing the "numbing" that I am experiencing right now.

Emotional Blunting I believe it is called from a professional standpoint. Don't get me wrong, I want to cry, I want to let things out and have people understand how I feel, but my body and mind is in such a position that it just won't let me do it anymore. Even last night after I left my long distance partner after a bitter night, I wanted to cry as I hugged my pillow, I tried so hard. The fact I couldn't again reinforced and made me feel even worse, and when I can't express it, I'm sure many can understand from a personal experience where you end up going... very bad places.

The fact that I am seemingly losing the empathy that I always used to have in great supply, is incredibly daunting, frustrating, and metaphorically killing me on the inside. And I don't know what to do about it. Perhaps I have had to deal with so much recently that my body is simply refusing to let it out or is used to it, but I don't want that to be the case. I am in exam season with the added pressure of having to succeed in order to do Master's study in the USA (I live in the UK), my partner is extremely depressed and none of us know how to help each other anymore, I still have to live with an ex in my flat and can't seem to make them leave, and with my anxiety seemingly making another comeback, I suppose its no surprise why my body is going into full lockdown at this point.

Point is... I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel like I can open up to people again, I can't seem to figure out how to get past my own barrier of doing the simple human act of crying. Any and all advice is appreciated and wanted at this point, because for the life of me, I don't know how long I can continue this way.
 
#2
Hey there,

I'm glad you remembered that you have us here for you.

Have you and your partner been getting any treatment for depression? It really sucks when both of you are in this same boat fighting this monster but I hope you both seek out medical help if you haven't yet.

It is important to also discuss the emotional blunting, some medications can cause this or exacerbate it.

When is the lease up with the ex?

This is clearly a time of greater pressure and stress for you with exams, but you can make it through. Perhaps under less stressful times the emotional release will reappear.

Have you tried incorporating exercise and meditation into your routine?
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#3
I'm wondering if spending too much time isolated is what is causing your issue. Possible? Online games, online forums, social media, etc. It makes us less connected to other humans in a way.
 
#4
Wow, it really has been a while since I've made a contribution to SF. And during that time a lot of things have dramatically changed. However, some of it hasn't been for the better.

As time has gone on, as I have made new friends (albeit online ones), and tried to become more social and in touch with my emotions, I am finding myself come full circle and doing the exact opposite of what I intended to do. I have noticed myself becoming increasingly more self-isolating, unwilling to talk to people about my problems, refuse to talk at all to people and have seen the return of the same intrusive thoughts responsible for me destroying my own success. Stuff like "you're not good enough for these people" or "they don't want you anyway, you're just a burden". However, my worst concern stems from the fact that I just cannot seem to be able to express emotions entirely. I can still feel saddened, angry or whatever emotion is relevant but I can no longer physically show it or release it, and it's making me feel incredibly trapped and even more isolated than before. And with things coming back to make me feel sad, these things are only reinforcing the "numbing" that I am experiencing right now.

Emotional Blunting I believe it is called from a professional standpoint. Don't get me wrong, I want to cry, I want to let things out and have people understand how I feel, but my body and mind is in such a position that it just won't let me do it anymore. Even last night after I left my long distance partner after a bitter night, I wanted to cry as I hugged my pillow, I tried so hard. The fact I couldn't again reinforced and made me feel even worse, and when I can't express it, I'm sure many can understand from a personal experience where you end up going... very bad places.

The fact that I am seemingly losing the empathy that I always used to have in great supply, is incredibly daunting, frustrating, and metaphorically killing me on the inside. And I don't know what to do about it. Perhaps I have had to deal with so much recently that my body is simply refusing to let it out or is used to it, but I don't want that to be the case. I am in exam season with the added pressure of having to succeed in order to do Master's study in the USA (I live in the UK), my partner is extremely depressed and none of us know how to help each other anymore, I still have to live with an ex in my flat and can't seem to make them leave, and with my anxiety seemingly making another comeback, I suppose its no surprise why my body is going into full lockdown at this point.

Point is... I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel like I can open up to people again, I can't seem to figure out how to get past my own barrier of doing the simple human act of crying. Any and all advice is appreciated and wanted at this point, because for the life of me, I don't know how long I can continue this way.
I find that when a person is unable to cry anymore, that they've become desensitized to their own pain that they're going through. It sounds like you've gone through so much that this feeling has almost become status quo for your body. It sounds like you really want to get to a better place for yourself, it's becoming increasingly harder as it's even difficult to open up to people. I almost feel that it's difficult to open up to people because of experiences you've had in the best, and then repeating all the trauma you've gone through. If you do want someone to talk to I could suggest Crisis Lines, though I feel that you've already tried that. If it helps you can message me whenever.

I will say though that the fact that your planning to do a Masters Degree is a big thing, and I wanted to wish you the best of luck with that exam and I hope that you'll get into the school.
 

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