Episodic abuse of father in childhood - longterm effects?

[leoleh]

Hello dear forum members,

From time to time again i have days/nights where everything i wanna be is dead. Sometimes this feeling is so strong that if i would have <mod edit - method>but anyways my will to cease to exist is sometimes just unnaturally strong mixed with deep depressions about my life and so on.

Sometimes, when my father was drunk in my childhood and puberty i had been abused by him in the night on my arms, my legs. It was hurtful, i had no chance to defend myself so i had to submit to it - I really sometimes ask myself what this might have done to me in the long run because i do might seem like a normal person from an outsiders perspective, but inside me i am very fragile and depressed up until a sometimes very strong wish to not be alive anymore.

My question is: how do these experiences influence (even subconsciously) my everydays life nowadays? What are your experiences and how did you maybe treat them?

 

[may71]

I'm sorry you were abused by your dad.

You're more likely to be depressed if you've been abused in childhood.

I think it's especially bad if the abuser is a parent.

There can be other factors too that lead to depression.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if the abuse in your childhood is a part of why you feel depressed now.

For me, dietary and lifestyle changes, plus acupuncture and traditional Chinese herbal medicine have been the main treatment methods.

The links in my signature have some information about treatment methods.