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ever regret attempting?
- Thread starter emily83
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I won’t say I regret them most of the time. What really bothers me is what am i supposed to do now?. Sometimes, I feel that the attempts have helped to reduce the pain I was experiencing before, change my attitude towards some issues that I must face in the future, and make me fearless of the outcome of anything. But then I say to myself, would I ever need this if I succeed in the first place?
I don’t even know what I should conclude out of this, they are just random, conflicting thoughts that have been attacking me as always.
I don’t even know what I should conclude out of this, they are just random, conflicting thoughts that have been attacking me as always.
Speaking purely for myself I do not regret attempting because between then and now I have realized what I could have lost. It wasn't an epiphany but rather a very gradual realization. My attempt made me want to never attempt again. No matter how bad things get. As horrible as it might sound, there is always another shot of vodka, another shared laugh in the darkness, another person or animal I will meet and experience, another piece of ass, another book. There will always be new experiences even if they are not approved of by others. Nah, I love life as terribly bad as it is.
I regret attempting because i survived. It was a total waste. And that only adds another thing I'm a failure in. Great.
Took a bunch of pills. Then i panicked and tried to throw them up, but it didnt work.
Wrote a quick note on my cellphone before lying down in my bed accepting my fate.
Got neurological damage and was numb or something on my left side after being unconscious and lying on my side for two days.
The doctors said my muscles had started to decay because they saw something in my blood work. Had weird sensations (like after an EP seizure) for about a week after. When i drank water it felt like i swallowed air, and when i did something, smoked a cigarette, spat or anything it felt like i thought of doing it but didnt do it, i just saw myself doing those stuff like in a movie.
And i had to make up a BS story to my family and the hospital.
FML.
Took a bunch of pills. Then i panicked and tried to throw them up, but it didnt work.
Wrote a quick note on my cellphone before lying down in my bed accepting my fate.
Got neurological damage and was numb or something on my left side after being unconscious and lying on my side for two days.
The doctors said my muscles had started to decay because they saw something in my blood work. Had weird sensations (like after an EP seizure) for about a week after. When i drank water it felt like i swallowed air, and when i did something, smoked a cigarette, spat or anything it felt like i thought of doing it but didnt do it, i just saw myself doing those stuff like in a movie.
And i had to make up a BS story to my family and the hospital.
FML.
i think many of us feel this way. i have had 3 serious attempts, and the only thing i regret is that they were all unsuccessful. the first was a mistake on my part, but the other two had to do with someone else intervening...when with all the planning, logistics, etc., i should have been alone at those times and un-missed, at least for several hours. but for whatever reason, someone came looking for me both times and decided to check-in on me, and everything was ruined. although the last time they were almost too late, i was barely alive, but barely does not count when you have the end goal in mind.
so now this just causes me to carefully re-think the logistics behind a future attempt, which cannot be another attempt but MUST succeed. because the worst feeling is losing consciousness completely and thinking you are going to have sweet relief, it's all over, to wake up and be back in the real world, still living your life, again.
so now this just causes me to carefully re-think the logistics behind a future attempt, which cannot be another attempt but MUST succeed. because the worst feeling is losing consciousness completely and thinking you are going to have sweet relief, it's all over, to wake up and be back in the real world, still living your life, again.
I think anyone who has been very close to death trying to attempt suicide (or leading to a hospital bed) and a long stay with physical health issues, with doctors trying to make sure they are stable, regret it as they know how real it could of been. Some non medical treated one's could feel that real, too. No one "wants to really die", they want the pain to stop. Many might feel death is the best option, but... we we are human and deep down, we just want to live pain free, and sometimes we know death isn't the answer (it's why we are able to sorta hang on) and the other times, we get urges and act on them... and regret that.
I regret having attempted everyday for the following reasons:
-I remember the attempt everyday and feel very ashamed that I did it
-I lost my children's custody and almost left them without a father
-I caused so much anger, sadness and disappointment to my family and friends
-I destroyed my leg
-I ended up in a huge debt from the hospital
-People trying to save me when I attempted suffered and cried like no one has, by seeing me burn and smelling my burn flesh
-I don't feel that I can get into a relationship knowing that I have to tell them what I did at some point
-etc
Anyway, I regret to have attempted and I am very happy to be alive!!!
-I remember the attempt everyday and feel very ashamed that I did it
-I lost my children's custody and almost left them without a father
-I caused so much anger, sadness and disappointment to my family and friends
-I destroyed my leg
-I ended up in a huge debt from the hospital
-People trying to save me when I attempted suffered and cried like no one has, by seeing me burn and smelling my burn flesh
-I don't feel that I can get into a relationship knowing that I have to tell them what I did at some point
-etc
Anyway, I regret to have attempted and I am very happy to be alive!!!
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