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Finally, an answer (BPD)

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CyphinatSea

Active Member
#1
So, the past 3 years, I've been going on and off to different doctors, all of whom never took me seriously. In a last ditch effort after my most recent bout of depression and suicidal thoughts, I decided to try and see another doctor. And I think I have finally found someone who will take me seriously and will actually give me some answers and be able to fully help me, instead of just patching me up for the time being. She's having me read a book titled, "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me". Its about Borderline Personality Disorder, and I couldn't be more blown away at the fact that there truly is a reason that I am the way that I am, besides me just thinking that I'm a freak. Its so comforting to know that I'll finally be able to pinpoint and work on my issues, but at the same time....its so scary. I fear that I'll find out just how different I really am from everyone else, and what my family will think when I finally tell them....Just looking for a bit of support, and seeing if anyone else out there feels the same?
 

dtc

at least that's what I keep telling myself!
#2
Firstly, love your tag line, it really sums up this place to a tee, it’s a real waste for anyone to give up.

That aside, I don’t suffer from BPD, however have spent a fair bit of time talking to people who do as the way my partner treated me seemed to fit a lot of the behaviours from this condition, and I was trying to find out how best to work with them.

One of the repeating things that was said was that the diagnosis doesn’t define you, or even change you. You’re no different now to the day before your diagnosis, and everyone is really different, you’re just you own little group of different.

How you’re different to others isn’t really the issue, or anything that you should worry about, the main thing is working on how you can communicate the impacts of it on your relationships to those that matter, so that they can work with you, not against you.

It’s great that you’ve found someone who is able to help you with what you’re dealing with, the most effective therapy most people seem to mention was Dialectical Behavior Therapy, so hopefully your therapist is across that as the number of people who say that it was the only thing that helped them was pretty high.

Take care
 

pp202

SF Supporter
#3
I was diagnosed this year with BPD, and it honestly came as a relief. Like you, it was extremely helpful to pinpoint issues, and also be more compassionate towards myself in that I wasn't just weird or an oddball, but perhaps there was a platform to work from! Good luck - it gets a little easier from here as long as you take on CBT and DBT training.
 

JDot

Well-Known Member
#4
This is so weird. I started reading the exact same book recently. I'm trying to get my mom to read it. i was diagnosed recently. My therapist isn't a DBT expert but she's working DBT concepts into my therapy.
 

yozhik

Well-Known Member
#5
Hey I'm glad you found someone who takes your problems seriously. Pretty much everything @dtc said...but also your family has lived with you and the symptoms of the disorder. If they stood by you through the symptoms they should be able to handle a diagnosis. They know you and you haven't changed.

I'm not sure I really have BPD (I have a diagnosis but I'm like borderline borderline lol) but I was really anxious about some of the stuff I was diagnosed with. But if anything the right diagnoses made me feel more like other people. It was like oh....other people experience this. It put a method to the madness...literally. Because like you for a long time my file just didn't make sense to anyone and I was starting to think I was a different kind of crazy than the crazy people, just a glitch in the matrix that should never have happened. But a diagnosis is proof that you're nowhere near alone, you might be broken but you aren't a mistake. If people bothered with getting it in the DSM there's a lot of people who struggle with it.

And the 'normal' people generally have all kinds of subclinical crap going on too. I didn't notice it as much before my mh adventures but no one is normal. You can't be normal with so many messed up people running around affecting your life lol.
 

CyphinatSea

Active Member
#6
Thanks guys, I really appreciate it. Though, the reason I'm scared to tell my family is, specifically my mom, really hard on judging people with mental disorders. So, she may have lived with me all of this time, but I don't think she'll see it as an actual problem, but just as me not being able to handle the stress and that I just need to pick myself up and keep moving....
 

Aurelia

Weightless, endless, faithless, I'll adore you.
#7
I read that book, as well, years ago. Loved it. I also have BPD, (lol JDot...another thing we have in common) and I've found that even though I started out pretty goddamn psychotic from about 18-23 years old, it definitely has gotten better for me throughout the years. And that's even without any type of consistent therapy. I've tried seeing a counselor in the past (didn't do DBT though), and it wasn't helping so I stopped going. But despite the fact, I still learned from my own behaviors over the years. Being aware of what your issues are definitely helps in the long run, even if it seems like it's not helping you fix anything at first. I started realizing that I stopped engaging in certain behaviors because they proved to be ineffective. I could give you some examples of the kind of behaviors I'm talking about if you're interested, but since you have BPD yourself, I'm sure you probably have a good idea anyway. Either way, my point is, some people think it's not a fixable disorder and you're fucked if you have it, and that's not true at all. Studies have shown that its actually very fixable if you practice DBT, plus as my experience shows, it also simply gets better in some aspects as the years go by, too. I'm not fully recovered or anything, but I do think I'm in a better place than I was 5-6 years ago.
 
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