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First love broke up with me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Rebecca, Feb 27, 2018.

  1. Rebecca

    Rebecca New Member

    I just don’t know what to even do with my life now. My best friend of six years and boyfriend of almost three years ended our relationship. The reason? He believes he causes me to become upset, but I get anxiety and panic attacks from school (both of us are juniors in college). He believes he’s indirectly causing my anxiety about school because he sees himself as distracting me from doing well. I guess anyone who knew us and how often we were together would agree with him. He ended it for the better in his eyes, and we still both love each other and will remain friends. But for me, I feel like I have lost my one true best friend in this whole world. My first love. The only person who made me feel beautiful, important, and like my true self. He broke my heart and I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t want to ever be with someone else. I’ll alway love him forever. I don’t think my life will move on from this sadness. How do people find love again after a heart break this deep? Why do people even bother? I will never be happy without him because I won’t have someone to tell me I am loved. That’s my story, that’s why I am here on this website.
     
  2. JustLovely

    JustLovely Wants to become a cat

    Oh my god this is such a bullshit. I am so sorry my breakup started in the same way, him telling me that he thinks he's causing me pain, but after trying to talk to him may times it became quite obvious that is not the reason. I really feel for you. I'm so sorry about your situation. I don't know if you can try talking to him and explain to him that the breakup is what is actually causing you pain? Did you tell him what you wrote here? In my eyes if you both love each other there is really no other reason that could be a valid one for a breakup. I think everything can be fixed but both parties need to be willing to talk and put effort into fixing the relationship.
     
  3. Rebecca

    Rebecca New Member

    Thanks for responding @JustLovely and yeah I did try to tell him he wasn’t the main reason. But I recently self-harmed for the first time because of my grades in school and it scared me so much I told him because we tell each other everything. He felt that nothing is worth hurting yourself over. Not even a relationship. But what gets me is that he knows I am perfectly fine, happy as a peach, when we aren’t in school. The bad outweighed the good in his eyes but not in mine. We haven’t talked much since it happened (about a day ago) but he still cares about me. I know he’s thinking of me and misses me. I just don’t think he could bring himself to get back together with me because he doesn’t believe me when I said I will never self harm again. It scared me too much. I understand why he doesn’t believe me. And neither of us has gone through this before. I was his best friend too all these years. I would give my life to save him and he would do the same for me, even after the break up I believe that to be true. He’s just so in control of his emotions and actions, I feel like he’s gonna will himself to get over me, and I just can’t do it.
     
  4. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Breaking up with your first love is extremely difficult, after I broke up with mine (10 years together) I was completely devastated for a long time. It still comes to me once in a while even though that was over 6 years ago. I tried to find blame to ease the pain, both in her and in me but it didn't help. She wasn't happy anymore with me, that was the truth. It wasn't anyones fault, we both tried to live our lives the best we could. I had to accept that she stopped loving me, whatever the reason ultimately was. How could I be mad about that?

    I know it's hurting but you have to allow it to, there will come a time when it stops. What he said as the reason sounds like an excuse to me. You don't breakup because you think you are causing some perceived pain in the other, either it is manipulative or more probably he's afraid to admit that he doesn't want the relationship anymore. Remember that it doesn't diminish who you are, when negative thoughts come keep in mind that.
     
  5. MarkahMalady

    MarkahMalady Well-Known Member

    I know that feels like a huge deal but you're in college. You're so young, you'll probably have 3 or 4 more guys before you're ready to settle down. Not many people stay with their first real love. Once you've loved a few people, you'll really know true love when it hits you.
     
  6. JustLovely

    JustLovely Wants to become a cat

    That's what I'm thinking too.

    I think that might've scared him a lot. Dealing with someone with depression is very hard and difficult and requires a lot from a person. Not everyone can take that. Self-harming makes it even harder and much more scary.
     
  7. Lilyrose1234

    Lilyrose1234 Well-Known Member

    I can really relate here. It's nearly 24hrs since my heart has been ripped out of my thorax and it hurts like hell. I'm saying the same things too , I can't imagine being with anyone else and yes , I think i'll love him forever too. I can't really see happiness anymore but you know what? Fuck it , he is missing out on spending his life with a loving girl like you for an absolute shitty reason and it will be his regret. To be honest , you deserve better , this may hurt now but I have to be honest , if he truly loved you from the bottom of his heart he wouldn't have left you for that reason but would've supported you all along the way.

    I believe that one day you will find that 'perfect guy' for you that will always have your back no matter what. Hang on there , be strong! :)
     
  8. Rebecca

    Rebecca New Member

    Turns out lilyrose1234, that he just became unhappy in the relationship. I can’t blame him for that. But you’re right, I deserve better and it’ll get better with time as I grow as a person. You be strong too! Thanks for your words
     
    Lilyrose1234 likes this.