Forever

[lightning05]

Sometimes I feel like I will feel the effects of the rape and sexual abuse forever. It has definitely changed me as a person and the way I see things. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be normal again and it all happened when I was so young that I don't think I was ever normal to begin with. I feel so confused, getting triggered by things that seem to not bother other people and stil feeling uncomfortable around men, even my own friends who have never tried anything and have always been there for me.

Basically, the whole thing makes me feel so weird about myself sometimes that I want to crawl out of my skin.

 

[Rockclimbinggirl]

s* Have you talked about this with a therapist?
I know what you mean, I feel that since memories of abuse have come back to me, I've changed.

 

[lightning05]

I have been talking about this with my therapist. It's just a weird feeling that I kind of can't explain. I think having more people in my life know about what happened is contributing to it. I guess it's impossible not to change or feel the effects, though.

 

[ThePhantomLady]

It will always be a part of you, until they invent a pill that take away all memories it will be a part of your story.
But! You can (and I know you are already) work on how you deal with it, and how your thought patterns go; how you view yourself, your self esteem, and the anxiety and possible PTSD, those can be managed. It is hard work, and it will take time, especially if you start late (like me) but it's worth it.

Good luck with this hun. I'm cheering on you!

 

[Special-Agent-Gibbs]

I am sorry that you are struggling I know what you are going through. Please know that you are not alone and if you need to talk you are always welcome to message me.

 

[lightning05]

It will always be a part of you, until they invent a pill that take away all memories it will be a part of your story.
But! You can (and I know you are already) work on how you deal with it, and how your thought patterns go; how you view yourself, your self esteem, and the anxiety and possible PTSD, those can be managed. It is hard work, and it will take time, especially if you start late (like me) but it's worth it.

Good luck with this hun. I'm cheering on you!

I am definitely ready to work on it since it's been so long. I have paid attention to my thoughts more deeply recently but by saying that you remind me that I should probably start writing in a journal again. This way I can see how I'm feeling each day. It just seems like it's taking so long! I also think that focusing so much on this and all of these changes in therapy (although positive) are making me feel more exposed and vulnerable.

@Special-Agent-Gibbs thank you very much. I'm lucky to have found this forum.