I'm sorry michael that I didn't tell you what I did today. I don't want to see you upset over it.. So I kept it to myself.
But I was depressed, I knew if I drank, what would probably happen, the two doesn't mix well. I took an overdose of two medications, one with the potential to be fatal.
That is why my kidney's hurt & keep burning.
I had this peace come over me that I can't even describe. Passed out and went to sleep... Woke back up sick as always but it's carma hey...
I knew I didn't want to die after I woke up. Then a regular AIM conversation with my son, he ends up all grumpy over nothing, and cusses at me, and tells me to stop texting, so I'm sitting here in tears, and I had to call 911, so I wouldn't try to hurt myself again.
So I snuck out of here and went to the hospital tonight. I couldn't bring myself to tell the ambulance what I had done. They picked me up over kidney pain and nausea. My blood pressure was 179/99, resp was like 114. I guess that didn't clue them in, or the fact that I had my bag packed to stay up there, I also told them that I talked to my doctor friday to be admitted and he said I needed to go to the ER but they could call him and he'd tell them. Well guess what, no one calls.
I figure well I can keep the shame from the 911 drivers, I will just have a heart to heart chat with the ER doctor. Hahahahaaa what a joke. I end up stuck with the jackass that saw me in the past, one time he smarted me off and told me not to come there over chronic pain, same ER doc that saw me early this year when I OD'd on ambien where my back pain was so bad, and sends me home with the very same pain medication making me vomit and throw up blood. So you understand my dislike here..
I got an IV and some saline. A urine test. And he did a physical, and I am sore in both my kidneys. No blood work. May be the first time I've ever been in the ER and didn't get blood work. Came back and told me the rest of my tests were fine (which he didn't FN even do) and said my urine showed an infection, gave me some meds and sends me home. Didn't even bother checking my blood pressure again, and I know it's dangerous high.
Let's just say the day I open up to that asshole, would of been the day hell freezes over. I couldn't do it. I went with intentions to be admitted, but there was no way in hell I was going to open up to that jerk..
I do want help. I'll get it, but not through him. I am going to beat this thing. That's a promise. I made a mistake today. I am not going to let myself do that again.