Hey guys. Something happened to me a couple of nights ago and it's really stuck with me ever since. I guess I mainly need to vent, but I'm hoping that I can also find some reassurance and hope.
First of all, I suppose it's relevant to say that I'm kind of skinny, and I have been my whole life. I feel it's important to mention that I am NATURALLY skinny, despite the fact I did also suffer from an eating disorder in my teen years. At school, I would starve myself. So, naturally, my classmates would think that my small frame was entirely due to the fact that I never ate. This would be an understandable assumption to make, however, I am just a thin girl in general. I am in remission from my eating disorder and have been for almost a decade, and yet I am still thin, because it's just how my body naturally is. However, whenever I try to explain this to people, even people who I thought weren't the judgemental type, they would still look at me in disbelief and dismiss the idea. It's quite bizarre really, because I could eat as much as I want in front of people when I finally became comfortable with it, and they would still assume that my skinny frame was to do with some kind of mental illness like bulimia. It's very frustrating to have this label pinned on me for as long as I remain thin.
This has been an infuriating topic for me for a long time, ever since the media got involved. It became fashionable to be a "curvy" girl, and if you were skinny then you weren't a "real girl". This is still very true today, and I witness this sickening show too regularly for me to handle. It's all well and good to empower women who may not have felt comfortable in their skin because they thought they were a little overweight, but to shun and spread hate towards skinny girls in the process is disgusting to me. Yes, it's great to spread awareness of being healthy, as in, eating right and exercising, but a lot of people seem to have no idea that healthy bodies can come in all shapes and sizes. I eat a lot more than people might imagine, and I exercise regularly, and because I am still thinner than average, people assume that I'm sick or that there's something wrong with me, or that I need to eat MORE in order to look "normal".
While this has angered me for many years, it never really bothered me to the point of taking action, because I knew that there would always be people in this world who would be judgemental and ignorant. So I just let it happen, I let it slide, and focused on the people who cared for me and believed in me. However, the one person I thought I could trust the most, ended up becoming one of the judgemental types.
My best friend couldn't stop commenting on my weight when I saw her a few days ago. She kept staring at me, making me hugely uncomfortable. It even looked like she had a hint of disgust in her eyes. She said that I needed to eat more, that I needed to put on more weight, that I looked sick. While I understand that she may have been concerned because she thought I genuinely wasn't eating enough, the truth was that I had been eating plenty, and I was finally getting to the point where I felt really good about myself, until she broke that all down with just a few words and looks. I'm still so taken aback, because until now she was never the sort of person to bring another person down for something as superficial as looks.
I now have a stupid desire to eat more junk food and to actually gain weight in a massively unhealthy way just so I can get those judgemental eyes off me, which is surely the opposite effect that people should be going for. I now hate the way I look, despite the fact that I am the healthiest I have ever been. I feel like I've gone back to my teen years, despising what I see in the mirror just because I don't fit society's standards of what a "real girl" should look like. Not once in my life have I shunned a certain body type, not once have I judged someone for being overweight. Yet when a girl is underweight or even just a bit thin like I am, then it seems like it's perfectly acceptable to throw insults around. Do skinny girls not have feelings? Why is it hugely shocking to insult an overweight girl, but everyone laughs and claps when a skinny girl gets the hate? I'm getting to the point of wondering if anyone even sees me as a human being any more. I try so hard to treat my body with all the respect it deserves, especially after how poorly I treated it during my teen years, and just because I haven't gained the weight that people expect me to, I'm still just a disgusting twig in their eyes.
I'm sorry for venting so much. I'm hoping that I'm not alone here, because right now, that's how I feel.
First of all, I suppose it's relevant to say that I'm kind of skinny, and I have been my whole life. I feel it's important to mention that I am NATURALLY skinny, despite the fact I did also suffer from an eating disorder in my teen years. At school, I would starve myself. So, naturally, my classmates would think that my small frame was entirely due to the fact that I never ate. This would be an understandable assumption to make, however, I am just a thin girl in general. I am in remission from my eating disorder and have been for almost a decade, and yet I am still thin, because it's just how my body naturally is. However, whenever I try to explain this to people, even people who I thought weren't the judgemental type, they would still look at me in disbelief and dismiss the idea. It's quite bizarre really, because I could eat as much as I want in front of people when I finally became comfortable with it, and they would still assume that my skinny frame was to do with some kind of mental illness like bulimia. It's very frustrating to have this label pinned on me for as long as I remain thin.
This has been an infuriating topic for me for a long time, ever since the media got involved. It became fashionable to be a "curvy" girl, and if you were skinny then you weren't a "real girl". This is still very true today, and I witness this sickening show too regularly for me to handle. It's all well and good to empower women who may not have felt comfortable in their skin because they thought they were a little overweight, but to shun and spread hate towards skinny girls in the process is disgusting to me. Yes, it's great to spread awareness of being healthy, as in, eating right and exercising, but a lot of people seem to have no idea that healthy bodies can come in all shapes and sizes. I eat a lot more than people might imagine, and I exercise regularly, and because I am still thinner than average, people assume that I'm sick or that there's something wrong with me, or that I need to eat MORE in order to look "normal".
While this has angered me for many years, it never really bothered me to the point of taking action, because I knew that there would always be people in this world who would be judgemental and ignorant. So I just let it happen, I let it slide, and focused on the people who cared for me and believed in me. However, the one person I thought I could trust the most, ended up becoming one of the judgemental types.
My best friend couldn't stop commenting on my weight when I saw her a few days ago. She kept staring at me, making me hugely uncomfortable. It even looked like she had a hint of disgust in her eyes. She said that I needed to eat more, that I needed to put on more weight, that I looked sick. While I understand that she may have been concerned because she thought I genuinely wasn't eating enough, the truth was that I had been eating plenty, and I was finally getting to the point where I felt really good about myself, until she broke that all down with just a few words and looks. I'm still so taken aback, because until now she was never the sort of person to bring another person down for something as superficial as looks.
I now have a stupid desire to eat more junk food and to actually gain weight in a massively unhealthy way just so I can get those judgemental eyes off me, which is surely the opposite effect that people should be going for. I now hate the way I look, despite the fact that I am the healthiest I have ever been. I feel like I've gone back to my teen years, despising what I see in the mirror just because I don't fit society's standards of what a "real girl" should look like. Not once in my life have I shunned a certain body type, not once have I judged someone for being overweight. Yet when a girl is underweight or even just a bit thin like I am, then it seems like it's perfectly acceptable to throw insults around. Do skinny girls not have feelings? Why is it hugely shocking to insult an overweight girl, but everyone laughs and claps when a skinny girl gets the hate? I'm getting to the point of wondering if anyone even sees me as a human being any more. I try so hard to treat my body with all the respect it deserves, especially after how poorly I treated it during my teen years, and just because I haven't gained the weight that people expect me to, I'm still just a disgusting twig in their eyes.
I'm sorry for venting so much. I'm hoping that I'm not alone here, because right now, that's how I feel.
